Danielle Velterelle profile picture

Danielle Velterelle

Stabbed to death to Peter and The Wolf.

About Me


I'm a terrible cunt.
I am a photographer. STOP! Don't judge; click clop.
Work Photos - SUMO!
Unpaid/hobby/life Photos.
I am a human being from the planet 'earth' and I enjoy basic human things; eating, sleeping, having sex and dancing. I run a year-old burlesque night called Black Jack Rabbit's Martini Lounge , which has been in Bizarre magazine, which is a very dirty publication that my newsagent looks at me funny for buying.
When I am not asleep, dancing, or wishing I was asleep or dancing, I'm in The Velterelles . My Nana bought the copy of NME we had about 7 letters about us in, I still didn't buy it. I reek of books and coffee, because I work in Borders, where I pick up approx. 10 copies of Eric Carle's classic 'The Hungry Caterpillar' off the floor per day. I also spend a lot of time moping around missing my very tall husband who is overseas shagging hairy german whores, tripping over my silly tall greyhound who follows me around everywhere, and chilling with my tall-for-a-four-year-old little boy, who is my only sunshine. .
Finally, I am an annoying but loving drunk and my friends must be superhuman to put up with me trying to get it on with them all the time, and dancing in a manner which gets me:
1) Asked if I'm on drugs. I'm not.
2) Punched in the face. True fact.
So yes, Hello, nice to meet you!..

My Interests

unhinged genre-free dancing, playing gigs to people, touching books and sometimes reading them, writing words backwards, Wipeout pure, Scotch whiskey, ginny gin gin, Spitting water into the faces of my friends, ponygirls, having drinks thrown at me, 60's record players that smell of foist, taking pictures of stuff, Mariokart, interesting cupboards, our VW van, gingers, peeptoe heels, parmos, Our house in the middle of our street, ex-racing greyhounds, whippets and other gazehounds, hideous 70's prints and decor, blowjobs, wooden fish, Ford Capri, being sick, lurpak butter, menthols, charity shop addiction, teapots, Original tattoos, imagination, children's books, acers, colouring in, gardening, bum sex, cheese toasties, nintendo ds, shit drumming, flying kites.

I'd like to meet:

Cilllian Murphy. Please?

Slap me, I like it:

View all? Nosey Fucker.

Movies:

Memento, This Island Earth, Bladerunner, They Live, Blue Velvet, Moulin Rouge, Chopper, Sin City, 28 days later, barbarella, The Machinist, Dancer in the dark, WILD ZERO, Uzumaki, eight legged freaks.

Television:

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, Snuffbox, Boosh, Neighbours, the bill, bbc3, bbc4, not mtv. I actually play Nintendo more than I watch TV. Snes/gamecube/DS yes please.

Books:

I AM 8-BIT, Vince Ray's artwork books (although the newest one is a bit poo I must say) Coffee table sex books, Anais Nin, Kurt Vonnegut, Zadie Smith, Ian Banks, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Eric Carle, Richard Scarry, Mick Ingpen, Oliver Jeffers, Curtis Jobling, Lynley Dodd, Julia Donaldson, Babette Cole, Janet and Alan Ahlberg.

Heroes:

Me Mam and Dad and Nanas and that.

My Blog

OLD OLD OLD.

Jesus, in a couple of weeks I'm 24. TWENTY FOUR. Fucking hell, how did that happen then? To be honest, as soon as I found out I was pregnant when I was nineteen, I sat and cried and imagined that by&n...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Wed, 06 Jun 2007 09:11:00 PST

A few sneaky photos.

I just got lightroom, and have no idea how to use it, and this is the resulting photo-poo. Not the best pictures from the lot but I was just fannying about with ones I like. The Twang at Middlesbroug...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Wed, 06 Jun 2007 04:50:00 PST

For the Ladies, and the fags yeah...Diet coke break!

Ed Muir, chinese pole, Golden Lotus Newcastle. Photos by me. Do forgive me for putting this up first, but decent male burlesque acts are super-rare, like the Jet Shiney Gladiator stic...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 01:13:00 PST

Runt.

Poor little pink piglet.  ...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 10:18:00 PST

Spell it with your forehead.

So apart from Leo coming over to 'kiss' me at the swimming baths and then spitting a mouthful of cunningly slurped water in my face, this is the only thing to make me laugh all day through how actuall...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Mon, 28 May 2007 04:09:00 PST

Proof that I am out of sorts!

A fucking meme. But first, today I successfully got Taylor to bark at someone coming to our door (he doesn't bark EVER), I joined the gym and for the first time in a month my hair doesn't look like ab...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Wed, 23 May 2007 05:08:00 PST

A grim day with a horrible moral dilemma.

Well, I woke up to find shit on my shoe. That was a pretty bad start. Taylor had just had a turd party in the living room, which is EXACTLY what you want to see first thing in the morning. After ...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Fri, 18 May 2007 11:51:00 PST

Bookshop Heartstop

I work in Borders, which is a very jolly job. I am in the kid's section, which is ace as I get to dance about silly if there's a song on I like and nobody cares :) Today I went in as normal, over...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Wed, 16 May 2007 08:03:00 PST

Black Jack Rabbits: Photo x3

Gosh that was a good night. Here's a few of my favourite photos so far :) The very beautiful and talented Meg La Mania: Queen of Gorlesque Miss Eva Braun: (that guy drank that by the way).   An...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Sun, 13 May 2007 05:34:00 PST

I've started sleeping with a teddy bear.

1. FUCK, FUCK, will someone put me in a wheelie bin, and push me around in rapid circles until I vomit all over myself? I fancy some self destruction but I can't afford alcohol and I don't really want...
Posted by Danielle Velterelle on Fri, 11 May 2007 06:20:00 PST