The Flying Nun - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I love seeing people get hit in the face when they aren't expecting it. They're laughing and smiling and waving at the camera and then WHAM! They look confused, unsure, they wonder if they should be protecting their genitals.

My Interests

Swearing I AM ONE CRAFTY BASTARD! I love to create things. I love to paint and sew and embroidery is like porn to me. I'd love to learn to sculpt. Alas, having a toddler I have niether the time nor the energy to do any of these. At the moment, I am most interested in sleep and getting my teeth brushed. Those are my highest personal goals during the day while I play, teach, and bond with my son so he doesn't end up in a clock tower with a rifle somewhere or in an attic making a woman suit.

I'd like to meet:

As many Elvis impersonators as you can fit in one lifetime and maybe make a friend here and there along the way. Never bad to have a king or two on your side when shit goes down, right? What could be scarier in a bar fight than a row of Elvi behind you? These people have consistently made bad decisions for themselves. They aren't afraid of going to jail over knocking your teeth out in a bar fight. I'd also like to meet funny, interesting people. I know you're out there, god damn it. But where the fuck are you?MY BOYS... My husband and son

Music:

I have bad taste in music. My twin and my husband are the 'cool and hip' music snobs. Me, I like what I like, no apologies (even when needed).....

Movies:

Ghostbusters....watch it....love it....worship at the altar of Bill Murray....

Television:

The Daily Show... I love the Jon Stewart. I also love comedians. Check out Christopher Titus, Wanda Sykes, Eddie Izzard, Katt Williams, Lenny Bruce, Bill Burr, Jay Mohr, Steve Marmel, Anthony Clark, Dave Chapelle, Greg Behrendt, Todd Glass, Nick Swardson, Rich Voss, DL Hughley, Greg Fitzsimmons, Chris Porter, Danile Tosh, Demetri Martin and so very many more funny people.

Books:

I love to read. I will read whatever I get my hands on. Lately I have been reading books on how to keep my son from being a serial killer when he grows up. I'm also looking for titles that will keep him from being an anti-gay, mysogynistic, douchebag. Any suggestions?

Heroes:

My number one hero is THE GUY THAT CLEANS OUT THE TAMPON/PAD disposal (lunch) box in the ladies restroom. You fucking rock! Give me a hug...but wash your hands first.

My Blog

Sand and Dirty Band Aids

Babies and kids dig me now. When I go to the park, they gravitate to me. God forbid I get in the sand box. That will get me swarmed in a sea of cooties. After about 5 minutes, I'm no longer alone. The...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:44:00 PST

Think of the Butterflies!

A mommy melancholy had set in. My boy is two and a half and I felt like all of the firsts were over already. We're potty training at the moment so the best first I'd had recently was the first time sc...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Wed, 16 Apr 2008 07:15:00 PST

Amittyville Sink

Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be?Just some weirdo I can call the cops on. No one knocking at the door at 2am is gonna be a quick fix and I’d really rather the dram...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Sun, 02 Mar 2008 03:38:00 PST

These Kevorkian Hands

1. Will you be looking for a new job?That's weird, the bank asked that same question. They seem to think that super stay at home mommy dearest (codename Sarcasm Ma'am) isn't profitable enough. 2. Will...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Sat, 26 Jan 2008 12:29:00 PST

An Open Bathroom Apology

Today, I accidentally violated another human being. I'd like to apologize to the young, unsuspecting girl I wrenched the bathroom stall door open on. You looked about 15 tops, an already awkward time,...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Thu, 20 Dec 2007 03:32:00 PST

Broken Memory

I need help, the professional kind. I came home from my vacation to find the bride from my wedding cake topper smashed. My adorable little surfer bride is now missing her face. Normally, I am so ...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Thu, 13 Dec 2007 09:57:00 PST

Von Survey

Survey written by Von Frankenstein: "I wrote this survey. I've seen so many that say, "40 questions you've never seen." And it's not always true. Here are 25 questions I've certainly never seen. Enjoy...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 04:24:00 PST

I love my CLONE!

Everyone needs a twin sister. And here's why: It had been a very long terrible twos, dog puked on the carpet (and my jacket, I know I should have hung it up), tantrum filled day. I was tired wi...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:59:00 PST

F***k You 32

Once you pass the ass end of 20, you enter the land of ma'am and there is no going back. No matter what the botox ads say. Just a few days shy of 32. Thirty fucking two. How horrible is that? Sure, i...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Wed, 17 Oct 2007 07:55:00 PST

One Two Buckle My Shoe

Dorian's birthday will be October 13th at 2: 30pm. I need your address to send the invitation. If you already sent it, please do so again. I put them all together and hid them somewhere I'd never find...
Posted by The Flying Nun on Fri, 05 Oct 2007 08:44:00 PST