ted profile picture

ted

sir you are a superstar get off your cross we need the wood

About Me

i'm in this band-type thingy. we're called Wigfur Allstars. check us out, we hot! i also sing backup and play a badass tambourine in a abnd called Hot Love. talk about hot!http://www.myspace.com/wigfurallstars. . . . . .Desperate Lives, this movie is HILARIOUS!. . . .

My Interests

Talking with my mouth full + throwing lit cigs + singing as loud as I can, whether it's in tune or not + coloring my hair + jumping on trampolines + showing my boobies + yelling at people who piss me off + pretending that I was adopted + wiping my feces on the lampshade + seeing what it's like to be blind...oh yeah, and being nice!

I'd like to meet:

Bobbie Kristina Brown, a unicorn and Steve Balderson

Music:

Tori Amos, Patti Smith, The Ark, The Sounds, Nick Drake, The Revelons, Ani DiFranco, Bitch and Animal, B-52's, PJ Harvey, Liz Phair, Madonna, Antony and the Johnsons, Talking Heads, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Prince, Ike and Tina, Janis Joplin, Beastie Boys, Leslie and The LY's, The Donnas, Dandy Warhols, The Gossip, Scissor Sisters, Sleater-Kinney, Peaches, Billie Holiday, Pansy Division, Le Tigre, Blondie, Pat Benatar, Go-Go's, The Runaways, and so many, many more! I like music a whole bunch, yo!

Movies:

Kill Bill, Hedwig and The Angry Inch, Ladies and Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains, Pep Squad, Desperately Seeking Susan, Saved!, Waiting For Guffman,The Legend of Billie Jean, Carrie, Mommie Dearest, The Positively True Story Of The Alleged Texas Cheerleader Murdering Mom, Harold and Maude, May, The Sweetest Thing, Truth Or Dare, Heathers, Sixteen Candles, Gummo, Fag Hag,There Will Be Blood, Lars and the Real Girl and once again, many many more!

Television:

Project Runway, Top Chef, Weeds, The L Word, Strangers With Candy, Wonder Woman, Jem and the Holograms, all of the old sitcoms from when I was a kid (especially Facts of Life and Roseanne). Oh yeah, and My So-Called Life is the best teen angst drama ever made! I tell ya, I almost slit my wrists when it got cancelled! ooooh...angsty! Although my prayers were answered when it was released on dvd last year. Best Christmas present I ever got, thanks Duffy!

Books:

every David Sedaris book, Running With Scissors, Valley Of The Dolls, Catcher In The Rye, Imajica, Disco Bloodbath, The Harry Potter series, Morris's Disappearing Bag, A Bargain for Frances, Nora and Mrs. Mind-Your-Own-Business, Coraline, The Cat Ate My Gymsuit.

Heroes:

Jerri Blank, Wonder Woman, Tootie Ramsey, Carnie Wilson, Charles Nelson Riley, Gil Pagan

My Blog

and I have C.H.R.I.S.T. in my H.E.A.R.T

Whoa, I just got back from Bible camp! Lemme tell ya, those fuckers can PAR-TAY! Seriously, you haven't lived til you've done a nine inch line of Special K off the associate pastor's ten inch dick! Ye...
Posted by ted on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 05:48:00 PST

I Am A "C"

Omigod, did I tell you guys? I'm totally a Christian now. It's so awesome being Christian! First of all, you don't have to think for yourself AT ALL, Jesus does all the work for you! Yeah, all ya gott...
Posted by ted on Sun, 03 Dec 2006 02:53:00 PST

Cherish This!

So, I was over at Madonna's house the other day. She is so majorly pissed about Ugly and Uglier Duff making that Material Girls movie and redoing her song. She tried to act like she didn't care, but I...
Posted by ted on Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:35:00 PST

lordy be!

fuck this, i'm going home. it smells like poop up in this bitch.
Posted by ted on Sun, 18 Jun 2006 02:26:00 PST

Justin told me I was better in bed anyway

Janet Jackson sat next to me on the bus today. She was tryin' to be all low-key, but we've hung out before, so I knew it'd be totally ok if I said Hi. So I was like, "psst, Janet. Hey girl, it's ...
Posted by ted on Mon, 02 Jan 2006 12:36:00 PST

i'm sure!

Last night was Raven's stupid ass birthday party. Like she thinks people are gonna give a crap cuz she's 20 now. She didn't even invite me, the bitch. I mean, yeah we're not friends anymore but that d...
Posted by ted on Sun, 11 Dec 2005 03:18:00 PST

LYLAS

Ashlee Simpson is my new best friend. I'm like, "Raven who???" know what i'm sayin'? Anyway, it's true, Ash and I are total BFF's. She came over to Lay Lo's the other night, and we sat around, smokin'...
Posted by ted on Wed, 07 Dec 2005 05:32:00 PST

That's So Cunty

Raven-Symone and I are so not friends anymore. She is such a cunty bitch! She stole my boyfriend, Jesse McCarthy, and my fave pair of jeans. Yeah, like she could even squeeze her fat ass into my doubl...
Posted by ted on Mon, 05 Dec 2005 07:47:00 PST

some say love...

i hate not having a friggin' computer at home...people annoy me. and the stupid ass computer gestapo at the lame ass lakewood library can take a long walk off a short pier. some fat old fuck who has n...
Posted by ted on Sun, 06 Nov 2005 10:47:00 PST

all my friends are lesbionic

i'm going to a photo exhibit at a lesbian bookstore tonight. i love lesbians. they're way better than fags (yes, i said "fags" because i can, i am one), cuz they know the difference between Patti Smit...
Posted by ted on Fri, 02 Sep 2005 11:01:00 PST