Statler and Waldorf - ProfilesArchive

About Me

We're old and we love it!! We're the two old and comfortably senile men from the balcony of the Muppet Theatre. We haven't agreed on anything since 1912, when we both decided the president looked funny in his hat. If you think you're funny, well, you're not, because you're dumb and we hate you. If you'd like advice or our bitter opinion on any subject matter of your own, contact us at: [email protected] or, preferrably, post it here. We won't care, and you probably won't find a better way to spend your time. Also, if you'd like us to cater your party, TOUGH! We're through with cordiallity. Finally, take time to watch our recent movie reviews, at Movie Reviews from the BalconyOnline Status Icons

My Interests

- Heckling that terrible comedic bear!
- Our medicine
- Trying to ruin the frog's action with breakfast! - You mean his french toast? - No, his pig girlfriend!
- Being Pimps at the retirement home!!

I'd like to meet:

Whoever hired that pathetic excuse for a stand-up comedy bear! Sometime's I'm glad my hearing aid has an off switch.

Music:

Music! Don't get us started on music! We've had enough of this new-day rap bull. And how many people are getting their own TV shows? America's Got Talent, American Idol, CNN, they're all chumps. And Simon's insults are almost as thin and cheap as his hairstyle.

Movies:

Ahh, Statler and I often go out to see today's movies. - Indeed, there's nothing better than yelling at a movie screen in the middle of a highly annoyed group of people. - Hey, it could be worse for them - How? - They could be watching that awful bear!

A note to our fans: Whenever attending a terrible comedic performance, always carry backup.

Television:

Hmm, I don't get time to follow today's T.V. endeavors. - Waldorf you old fool, what are you talking about? We have nothing better to do. - I mean I don't have time to follow the complicated, plotless plots of of California romance anymore. - I remember my romantic days of youth out in California. - Waldorf, in your youth, there was no California!

Books:

I haven't read a book since the Swedish Chef's cookbook gave me a migraine. - What, Statler, did reading a foreign language hurt your head? - No, he threw it at me when I went to steal his phonebook! - Why were you stealing his phonebook? - Well, I had to call my beautiful girlfriend! - Statler, you've never talked to a beautiful girl without having to give out your credit card number!

Heroes:

See entry on crappy mini-series aired on NBC.