yos-wa the galactic warrior from Eltar

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just remember this mnemonic to spot a sociopath.

C - cannot follow law
O - obligations ignored
R - remorselessness
R - recklessness
U - underhandedness
P - planning deficit
T - temper

Took a charter flight on a DC-10 to London, landed at Heathrow. Took a cab to the city center. Don't let people lie to you, hostels are for the ugly. I'm staying at Home House, the most beautiful hotel in the world. Called a friend from school who was selling hash, but she wasn't in. Met a couple of Brits who take me to of all places Camden Street. I flirt a bit at the Virgin Megastore, buy some CDs, then follow some girls with pink hair. I wandered around trying to get laid until it started to rain, then went back to Home House. "Ministry of Sound" is dead, so I go to "Rem Forum," but it's "Gay Night." I find the one hetero girl in the place and we dry-hump on the dance floor. We cab it back to Home House, I strip her clothes off suck her toes and we fuck. Hung out for four or five days, met the world's biggest DJ, Paul Oakenfold. Kept missing the changing of the Guards. Wrote my mom a postcard I never sent, bought some speed from an Italian junkie who was trying to sell me a stolen bike. Smoked a lot of hash that had too much tobacco in it. Saw the Tate. Saw Big Ben. Ate a lot of weird English food. It rained a lot, it was expensive and I'm jonesing so I split for Amsterdam. The Dutch all know English so I didn't have to speak any Dutch, which was a relief. I cruise the Red Light District, visit a sex show, visit a sex museum, smoke a lot of hash. I meet a Dutch TV actress and we drink absinthe at a bar called "Absinthe." The museums were cool I guess. Lots of Van Goghs and the Vermeers were intense. Wandered around, bought a lot of pastries, ate some intense waffles. Bought some coke and I cruised the Red Light District until I found some blonde with bit tits that reminded me of Lara. I gave her 100 guilders. In the end, she pulls me out, and I come between her tits even though I'm wearing a rubber. Afterward we made small talk about AIDS, her Moroccan pimp and herself. I wake to the sound of a wino singing. It's 8:00 AM and hot as blazes. I pretend to ice-skate around Central Station while someone plays the sax. Trade songs with a Kiwi girl, then split for Paris by train. Wandered the Champs-Elysees, climbed the Eiffel Tower for only seven francs because the ticket machine was broken. Got the hang of the Metro, took it everywhere. Went to a Ford model party, hooked up with a Romanian model named Karina. She chugs my cock at the Marriott, which is good. We played billiards, went shopping, I think she gave me mono. Drove a Ferrari that belonged to a member of the Saudi royal family. Made out with a Dutch model in front of the Louvre. Saw the Arc de Triomphe and almost became roadkill crossing the street. "Oakie" invites me to Dublin so i catch an Aer Lingus flight and stay at the Morrison. Dublin rocks like you can't imagine. Oakenfold lets me spin some discs with him. Irish girls are as small as leprechauns. I swap hickeys with a drunk woman after groping my abs and calling me "Mr. L.A." She strips for me in the bathroom of the club. Sneak into the Guinness factory and steal some stout so good it makes my dick go hard. I fly to Barcelona which is a low rent bust. Too many fat American students, too many lame meat markets. I dropped acid at the Sagrada Familia which was a trip, to say the least. Cruise up to the coast to Museo Gala Dali, but had no more acid, which sucked. Some girl from Canada calls me on my cell, so I let her listen to the church bells. Canta Cruz is beautiful but there are no girls there, just old hippies. So I went to Switzerland where, ironically, I couldn't find anyone with the time. Took the Glacier Express to Shiltone which is beautiful in a way I can't describe. EuroPass into Italy, then ended up in Venice, where I met a hot girl who looks like Rachel Leigh Cook, and speaks better English than I do. She's living for a year on only $5.00 a day. We gondola around, buy some hash. She thinks I'm a capitalist because my hotel room costs more for one night than she spends her entire trip. But she doesn't mind it so much when I pay the bills. I ditch her and hook up with a couple who obviously wants a threesome. Too much tension there, but the doofus offers to drive me to Rome, an offer I jump at. Traffic's bad, we're stopped for hours without moving. The wife turns out to be a freak. The guy starts to wig out on me, it's like a Polanski film. We stop for a while in Florence, where I see some big dome. A bomb goes off and I lose the weird couple, probably for the best. Ended up in Rome, which is big and hot and dirty. Just like L.A., but with ruins. I went to the Vatican, which was ridiculously opulent. Stood for two hours to get into the Sistine Chapel, which now that it's been cleaned, looks fake. I meet two underage Italian girls who I try to talk into fucking each other while I jack off onto them. Bored, I buy some ice cream instead. My hotel has a gym, so I work out. I bump into some guy from Camden who says he knows me, but I'm sure that he's a fag so I lose him. I try to fart and instead shit my pants. Back in my hotel room I masturbate and have a pain in my groin. That night I dream about a beautiful girl, half in water, stretching her lean body. She asks me if I like it and I tell her she can clean fish with it. I don't know what it means, but I wake well-rested and I masturbate in the shower and check out. I make my way back to London and hang out in Piccadilly Circus. I swap shirts with some upper-crusty Cambridge chick, hers was an AgnesB.; mine, it cost me my Chanel. She acts stuffy and prudish, but is really wild underneath it all. She barely looks at my abs, though she wants to. The next day I drop some acid and get lost in the subway for a full day and can't find my way out. I meet a cute girl that lets me jack off onto her as long as no come gets onto her Paul Smith coat. We get stoned while listening to Michael Jackson records. The next morning I wake up talking to myself. I had a big bump on my head from flailing in my sleep. I get my stuff and barely make my plane back to the United States. I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.

backwards messages put into music.

Oh and my aim screenname is wheres yoswaldo.
cronos is the man!