When in King David 's presence, Chuck Norris pees sitting down.
If King David smoked cigarettes, even the Surgeon General would be selling them to teenagers.
King David never reloads....ever.
Dont ask what King David would do for a Klondike bar. You might just get killed if your holding one.
It only took 3 minutes for King David to find out Victoria's "secret".
After having sex with your wife, apologize for not being King David .
King David does bring a knife to a gun fight. King David always wins.
Upon hearing that he was to be played by Kiefer Sutherland in an upcoming movie, King David killed Sutherland. King David gets played by no one.
When Mary lost her virginity, King David found it and put it back.
King David 's calendar goes from January 1st until March 31st, no one fools King David .
King David does not use birth control, he simply demands that you not get pregnant.
Superman's kids wear King David pajamas.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with King David . Sounds like a fair fight.
One day, King David decided to play Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun. He won.
King David once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
King David was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to King David .
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because King David didn't feel like punching you.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that King David is, in fact, still alive.
King David removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. King David never needs to escape.
Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about King David during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
King David uses a computer daily and he never gets pop-ups. Ever.
Finding Nemo would have been a one minute movie had King David been looking for him.
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met King David .
When King David was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
King David once double teamed a girl . . . by himself.
Killing King David doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
If King David lived next door to Kramer, Kramer would knock before entering.
"Simon Says" has been renamed to " King David Says" because when King David tells you to do something, you ****ing do it.
Every mathematical question can be answered correctly with :: " King David ".
King David 's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
King David has never actually had to count to three, ever.
Your attraction to King David in no way affects your sexual orientation. EVERYONE is attracted to King David
On Sunday mornings, King David skips church. God comes to his house instead.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, King David jumps out.
When Google can't find something, it asks King David the answer.
Marines are often referred to as Alpha Company because they begin things. King David is known as Omega Company because he ends them.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. King David laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
King David can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. He never eats McDonalds.
You can lead a horse to water. King David can make him drink.
King David won the Tour de France on a unicycle. He now thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
Guns don't kill people, King David kills people.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for King David .
When King David pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
When King David signs up for a free iPod .., he gets one.
In kindergarten, for show and tell, King David showed his penis to his teacher. She then went and told all of her girlfriends about how big it was.
If you replace "Jesus" with " King David ", the Bible makes more sense.
If King David and MacGyver were locked in a room together, King David would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
On the sixth day, God said "Let there be no King David ." On the seventh day, God was found dead.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after King David . They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses King David .
If King David gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was King David 's milk. In that case, you are so screwed.
On a high school math test, King David put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because King David solves all his problems with Violence.
King David can strangle you with a cordless phone.
King David once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
King David wasn't born, he was unleashed.
In high school King David was voted "Most Likely to Kill a Terrorist"... and "Best Eyes."
King David is the 'I' in team.
When Gotham is in trouble they turn on the Batman signal. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the King David signal.
It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides King David ."
King David is so bad that if he asked your girlfriend for her number, YOU would give it to him.
King David 's tears cure cancer, although he never cries.
King David once went on vacation to The Virgin Islands. They are known as just "The Islands".
P.S. Click on the movie in my "Top Friends" called Living the Life, I wrote most of the lyrics .. the songs are performed by my good friend J-Kapp featuring a singer named Kenya. The music was composed by my crazy friend Tommy Coster Jr (Eminem, 50 Cent, The Game).
