Tamara

I hate Mickey Mouse. Someone offered 5,000 camels to buy me as their wife. I threw up on several national monuments in Washington DC. I have been to every continent except Asia and Antarctica. Red wine makes my nose itch, but I drink it anyway. Kato Kaelin autographed my butt and gave me his hotel room number. I met the bassist for 3 Doors Down and told him his band sucks. I have seen a ghost. I like to pay with exact change. You would be lucky to beat me at Dr. Mario, Master Clue, or Scrabble. I have no plans to ever become a vegetarian or get a tattoo. I starred in a touring puppet act. My little sister died when I was three and I didn't smile for a year. I love to ride in the car while you drive. I'm allergic to flowers and people who talk really loudly. I am an ordained minister. I like dogs better than cats. I invent games. I know a famous porn star. No mayonnaise, please. I have birthed a baby goat. I got arrested with my parents. I can hula hoop for a really long time. I like to watch people play video games and poker. I got questioned by a police officer for trying to save a puppy. Most things remind me of a quote from Firesign Theatre or Mitch Hedberg. I usually prefer salty or sour over sweet. My birthmark is cooler than yours. I have been hang gliding. I don't have a very good sense of smell sometimes. I rode my bike into a parked car while watching my neighbor cut his grass with a ruler and scissors. I enjoy popping my joints. I don't enjoy being tickled. I got yelled at for going too fast on a Segway. I hate it when birds chirp at night. Kudzu is my favorite plant and squids are my favorite animal. Sometimes I talk in my sleep. I watched a live sheep herding competition. I have the same birthday as the guy who played Zack on Saved by the Bell. I was a cheerleader and a master debater. I used to get my hair cut at a taxidermy shop. Sometimes I can control my dreams and read your mind. I'm a certified Master Diver. It's often easier to reach me via the internet than by phone. I have exactly one arch nemesis. I am addicted to Firefox's mouse-gestures. Instead of using painkillers, my mom was hypnotized when she gave birth to me. I usually sit Indian-style. I like olives but not pimientos. I can't really whistle. Inspired by The Emperor's New Clothes, I convinced my kindergarten class that they all had pet cats. My grandparents give the craziest gifts. I won the Pinewood Derby. I lost all my fingertips in a freak accident. Someday I will hide my assets and disappear.