SARS profile picture

SARS

Ball Cleavage is the new Black

About Me

I hate most people because they're stupid. I hate young people because they don't know shit about anything and all of them have cell phones. I hate every guy I ever dated except for the few who managed to escape unharmed. The rest of you are fags and have small dicks. I hate most girls because they're fucking retarded. I hate most boys because they're insecure and miserable. I hate idle rich people because they have too much money and no real skills. I hate diseases because they seem to only kill the people I don't hate. And I hate GEORGE BUSH and the entire Bush administration. If you can't figure out why, you're an asshole. A big, dumb asshole.

My Interests

I recently started testing new drugs for the FDA, which seems to pay well. I like the outdoors, especially ice fishing and shuffleboard. If I have to be indoors, I like to play Atari or watch the Ava Gabor Wig Salon series on QVC when time permits. I also recently gave up selling Avon, as its erratic hours interfered greatly with my study of the Koran.

I'd like to meet:

People with people skills. People who think Paris Hilton got what she deserved when that little kid took a dump on her in the bathtub on The Simple Life. Anyone who knows how to read, write, and spell beyond a 3rd grade level. Anyone with killer nunchuck skills. And anyone who knows who Inferno is.

Music:

Ina Kamoze, Englebert Humperdinck (before he sold out), Celtic Frost, Jermaine Stewart, Barry Gibb, LeVert, Damn Yankees, Morbid Angel, Whodini, Andrea Bocelli, Jackyl, Nice N' Smooth, Night Ranger, and early Eek-a-Mouse. Of course, I appreciate the classics like Haddaway, Billy Ocean, Color Me Badd, and N.W.A.

Movies:

8 Officers and a Gentleman, Splendor in my Ass, Tranny Punanny, Stop or my Mom will Poot, The Porn Supremacy, A Love Song for Bobby's Dong, Dicker Park, Sisterhood of the Disappearing Pants, and of course Jeff Stryker series volumes 3,4, and 16.

Television:

7th Heaven, Reba, My 2 Dads, and anything starring that born-again hottie Kirk Cameron!

Books:

Feng-Shui Prisons: Will it Stop Ass Rape?; Me, Myself, and a German Shepherd; Keisha has no Daddy; Shout if You Love Satan; Fingerfucking For Dummies (from Oprah's Book of the Month Club); 100 Best Catholic Priest's Pickup Lines (recommended for ages 6 and under, but still quite informative); and the most recent good book I have read was "Just the Facts: George Bush Cannot Tell His Ass From a Hole in the Ground". If you want a quick and fun read (for a plane ride, etc.), I loved "Hansel and Gretel: the Untold Story". Trust me, it's riveting.

Heroes:

Tito Puente, John Tesh, Tammy Faye Baker, Brian Boitano, the lady who sang "Harper Valley PTA", Peaches of Peaches & Herb (Herb was a real asshole), Claus von Bulow, Dave Gahan, Burl Ives, Richard Greico, and singer Francaise Phenomenon Celine Dion. It goes without saying that the teachings of Gay Scientologist Extraordinaire Tom Cruise have also greatly influenced my life.

My Blog

Why I hate everyone, everything, and will die a mean fucking pessimist

Dear friends and enemas: I am a nihlistic, mean, lowbrow motherfucker and I fully admit it. I seriously hate at least 99.999% of the population and I don't care who knows it. You lucky bastards are th...
Posted by SARS on Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:16:00 PST

Everyone's an asshole, really

I just erased this whole goddamned paragraph. I hate myspace.
Posted by SARS on Wed, 11 Jul 2007 12:24:00 PST

I don't know what I'm doing

Hi everyone. I have no idea what I'm doing, or who is going to see this, so thank you Jessica for making me look like a complete asshole (see "interests") to the entire online world.  Not th...
Posted by SARS on Mon, 06 Feb 2006 07:34:00 PST