Tarn profile picture

Tarn

flargy17

About Me

Manufactured on equipment that also processes hammers, jerks & ratbeans.
You will sink in a mire. You like to think you're
normal, but deep down you really just want to
strip off your clothes and roll around in
chicken fat.

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
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My Interests

Michelle. I like her even more than the Dead Milkmen and ice cream (or any combination of the two).I like the word "fresh." Primarily as in "fresh eggs," but also as in "stupid fresh." It bothers me that the word "tomatoes" has an "e" in it. I like peeling adhesive things off of their backings. I also like The Dead Milkmen, Edward Gorey, Monty Python, traffic circles, ice cream, words like "spatula" and "harangue," and making fun of everything. I like coffee (only decaf since I turned into an old lady, though), crossword puzzles, reading, all kinds of games (cards, board games, etc.), watching ice hockey, playing roller hockey, writing nonsense and absurdity, and making ridiculous art, which I sometimes even display in public.

I'd like to meet:

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is my name too.Oh, and...

Music:

The Dead Milkmen, Atom & His Package, Public Enemy, Avail, Beastie Boys, Simon & Garfunkel, Cyndi Lauper, The Dead Milkmen, DJ Z-Trip, A Tribe Called Quest, Droppin' Jesus, Bananarama, Van of Terrorists, Quiet Riot, The Black Eyed Peas, The Dead Milkmen, other assorted crap, and The Dead Milkmen.

Movies:

The Jerk, The Shining, A Bronx Tale, South Park, Rain Man, The Search for Animal Chin, Rocky Horror Picture Show (only in the theater), Harry & The Hendersons, Neighbors, How to Get Ahead in Advertising, blah blah blah.

Television:

We're gonna have a TV party tonight...ALRIGHT!!! We're gonna have a TV party alright...TONIGHT!!! We've got nothing better to do, than to watch TV and have a couple of brews.

Books:

To Kill A Mockingbird, all Edward Gorey books, The Corrections, The Poisonwood Bible, all Calvin & Hobbes books, Loon Lake, Walter the Farting Dog, most Bukowski stuff, The Life & Times of Dom Rubino, old Dave Barry books, the dictionary, Hearts in Atlantis, Harold & the Purple Crayon, and Doo Wop for Dummies. And sometimes the phone book when I'm feeling particularly Rain Man.

Heroes:

Arthur Radley and Jean Louise Finch

My Blog

Records

TWELVE INCH VINYLANGELIC UPSTARTSBootlegs and RaritiesANTI-SYSTEMNo Laughing MatterBLITZBlitzed - An All Out AttackBROKEN BONES1. Bonecrusher2. Dem BonesCIRCLE JERKSWild in the StreetsDIRT / HELLKRUSH...
Posted by Tarn on Sat, 16 Feb 2008 08:22:00 PST

The time has come.

I think I'm going to become a rapper.Napmaster TTG-One - Rested for '07, you suckas!!I take more naps than a kindergarten classIf you wake me up, I'll put a foot in your assSee, I don't give a fuck, c...
Posted by Tarn on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 05:37:00 PST

The Second-Best Dream Ever

*The first thing that happened in this dream, which becomes relevant later, is that on my way into work on this particular morning, I stopped somewhere and hid the bank bag with the daily deposits in ...
Posted by Tarn on Sat, 07 Jul 2007 11:12:00 PST

The Onion has no sense of humor.

I recently got to thinking that the folks at The Onion really need my help in improving their product. On their web site, it is clearly and sternly stated that "editorial submissio...
Posted by Tarn on Tue, 14 Mar 2006 07:48:00 PST

Of Clean Clothes and Nihilism

Ain't nothin' like a thunderstorm in November. Thank God for global warming. If everyone would simply stop conceiving children, effective immediately, we could all just enjoy the weathe...
Posted by Tarn on Thu, 10 Nov 2005 08:23:00 PST

Mysterious Sidewalk Globs (not blogs)

Have you ever noticed that almost anytime you look at a sidewalk, it's dotted with randomly placed black globs? Could those all be chewing gum? If you push a rock into one, you wil...
Posted by Tarn on Fri, 04 Nov 2005 08:38:00 PST

The Best Dream Ever

There have been a lot of times when Ive woken up from dreams scared shitless, or crying, or hitting a friend in the back.. But this morning, for the first time ever, I woke up from a dream laughing h...
Posted by Tarn on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I think I'm gonna change my name...

...to "Aren't."   It's almost the Pig Latin pronunciation of my given name, and I think it has a much more "subculture" kind of feel to it. Lord knows that's something I'm always aiming for ...
Posted by Tarn on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I took this MENSA survey. They said my IQ is 7,037.

After completing this survey, submit it to MENSA, and they will send you back your IQ score. As for actually getting in touch with MENSA, you're on your own.1. When was the last time you tickled a wol...
Posted by Tarn on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Toilet Paper

The toilet paper we have where I work is called "Executive Choice." On the wrapper, right next to where it says "Executive Choice," there's a big red check mark. Every time I look at it, I picture a c...
Posted by Tarn on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST