The Branch Stevidian - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I used to rock real hard but now I'm more of a computer geek. I sat on my third pair of glasses so yep, they are taped. Oh, I have tons of freckles too so you can play connect the dots and make your favorite constellation. Freckles sucked growing up on the Jersey Shore. I was always out-tanned by the olive skinned New Yorkers. Dis. In college I tried sunless tanning lotion but I put it on wasted and the next day my friends said I looked like Homer Simpson. You know, his mouth area is darker than the rest of his face. Anyways, I quit cold turkey and then got into gambling on sports. Tons of cash advances off my credit card came after that. I told my mom "you had to be in it to win it"and she cried. I still have yet to turn a profit from that crap. I came out to Minnesota to be in a band with my college roomate. Now, I live off all the royalty checks from all the the music we licensed to the Bonzai Burrito chain. I'm currently obsessed with the art of advertising, making jingles for commercials and lipsyncing to my own pre-recorded voice. If you ever see a commercial for Allianz Life Insurace that has an old guy jumping out of a plane and hear a whistling song, that's my tune. Um,I stay up super late almost every night and host after bar parties. It's starting to take a toll physically so I started to run again. I don't really like running around the same frickin' lakes over and over these days but sometimes you just have to get out into the sun. I ran the 2001 Twin Cities marathon in 3:49:00. I broke 4hrs...yeah me.Oh yeah, once I used plaster of paris to make a cast on my arm to get out of a fight with some guy. He knew karate. Of course, I kept it on and went to the bar to get some sympathy points from girls. I claimed I was on the ski team and had an accident on the slopes. It seemed to work temporarily until the next day when the girl I was talking to for most of the night was in my painting class. I had chucked the cast in the trash the night before and got soooo busted. We became awesome friends though. blah blah blah... Lesson learned..now I'm chivalrous. Other stuff I do.

My Interests

I LIKE TO MAKE FUNNY VIDEOS LIKE.....

MASHED POTATO WRESTLING MINNESOTA RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL DEMOLITION DERBY HUMAN CANNONBALL MUSCLE BEACH THE SKIER I also like humor,The genius of children,laughing,Reiki, Time and Space Theories,Comminication Arts, making tunes, jingles,performing shows,exfoliating, LFL, basketball, hot sauce,eating fast, and super bowl commercials

I'd like to meet:

A cheerleader with a bad temper,Dancers not Strippers, Richard Branson, George Hamilton, Cougars,Wilt the Stilt, Bo Kimble, Robert Frost, someone to cut my hair for free, a dwarf, a viking that was aboard al and alma's boat,a swimming pool of beer,and my guardian angel.

Music:

Fake Ones: Art Grant and the Trustafarians, Kings of the Iron Range, Soul Patch, Flop, Ill Mitch, Strange Stan Stoachovich, Stratosphere, Mark Foodcourtman, Insane Asylum Posse, Fork, Guided by Braille, The Doormats, Bruskovka Springsteenski

Movies:

The Warriors"can you dig it?"Momento, Rocky I & II, Empire Strikes Back, Better Off Dead, Breaking Away, Shampoo, IMAX Everest

Television:

The Office, South Park, History Channel, Sportscenter, Hill Street Blues, Miami Vice, Hawaii 5-0, Gilligans Island, Magnum P.I.

Books:

How to hypnotize your friends, How to get cheerleaders away from the quarterback and into you, 101 uses for finger mustaches,The celestian prophecy, Davinci code, The Murad Method, Our band could be your life, Catch-22, How to play air guitar, The Man Who Was Thursday...G.K. Chesterton rules!!! Into Thin Air, Touching the Void, The Cliffs Notes version of the Bible

Heroes:

Dr. J, Barkley,world war 2 veterans, the dudes who made yacht rock.

My Blog

ON CNN HEADLINE NEWS!

I recently did an interview for CNN HEADLINE NEWS about mashed potato wrestling and video producing for the web. It's going to be run on a new show called "NEWS TO ME". My segment runs the w...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Thu, 17 May 2007 02:51:00 PST

Spain France and Spain again 2007

Slide show of a sweet trip. ...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 12:38:00 PST

My Favorite Minnesota-NEW VIDEOS ARE HERE!! view mashed potato wrestling and more

The new funny vids are posted in my "interests". There is Mashed Potato Wresting vid, a Renaissance Festival vid, A Demolition Derby vid and a Human Cannonball vid.The link and the screenshot below wi...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 11:37:00 PST

Thank you A FOREIGN AFFAIR

Thank You A Foreign Affair! You changed me as a person! Elana and Antonina in Kiev I was feeling lucky so I paid A FOREIGN AFFAIR based out of Phoenix $4,000.00 to send me ...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Sun, 11 Feb 2007 06:35:00 PST

BOSS-STLETOE! boss wears mistletoe over ass to get butt kissed video commercial is here!

Peeps involved in alphaMichael AtkinsonSteve BaroneJeff ChapinLaurie HoltzBlair JohnsonJim LandryJohn LandryJ. David LeCompteBecky OlstadJosh ThackerSarah TukuaRick MeyerTim Whalen...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 08:47:00 PST

I WRESTLED IN MASHED POTATOES AT POTATO DAYS: A review

My Experience at Potato Days in Barnesville Minnesota: A review of sorts. Recently, I traveled up to Barnesville Minnesota, which is just a little south of Moorehead for a festival called Potato Da...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Thu, 14 Sep 2006 07:49:00 PST

3 drunken inventions to report

from the BBQ this weekend. 1. THE MENTHOLATED MUSTACHE: by Vicks..Next time you have a stuffy nose try this new invention which is a fake mustache marinated in Vicks Vapor Rub.. Place mustache under y...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Mon, 07 Aug 2006 12:17:00 PST

Ladies, Got Air Conditioning?

I'm looking for a girl to be my girlfriend for the remainder of the summer. All you have to have is AC. Let me know.
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 06:31:00 PST

10,000 goth girls hear "Say Cheese 1-2-3" and actually smile. Manson is destroyed

Memory fading...The cult is getting hard to manage. We had a breach at the compound due to coyotes and it got ugly. So ugly in fact, the sherriff had to pay us a little visit. We assured him we were o...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:05:00 PST

jingle writer with 3 jams airing now seeks new aviators.

I've been fortunate enough to have 3 tunes in several ad spots these days. One is the whistle song in a national Allianz Life insurance commercial where a an old dude is seen jumping out of a ...
Posted by The Branch Stevidian on Wed, 21 Jun 2006 04:53:00 PST