shmerin berry. profile picture

shmerin berry.

i am hope well fed.

About Me


This is a work of fiction.
All the characters in it, human and otherwise, are imaginary,
excepting only certain of the faery folk,
whom it might be unwise to offend by casting doubts on
their existence. Or lack thereof.
The Day the Saucers Came
That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn't notice it because
That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because
On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-man's nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold, and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because
On the saucer-zombie-battling gods day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because
That day, the saucer day the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling us we would obey, the day Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of the Time Machine day,
You didn't notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not even reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.
-Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things 2006.

My Interests

i feel horribly awkward in public places. i work in a bookstore and make masks that frighten my cousins. i also sing with my eyes shut, which means that singing in the car is out. do not speak to me until i have had coffee. and even then, i dont quite say much. i'm sure i think you're utterly delightful, though-- the cat's meow, if you will. i have vendettas against harry potter and andy warhol and i write in the margins, underline and highlight the hell out of all of my books. also, i have an alarming affinity with all things peppermint and czechoslovakian. and i really like quotes.

"My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with
me.
Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
What are you thinking of? What thinking?
What?
I never know what you are thinking. Think."
-T.S. Eliot.

"Reading is an acquired talent with words, which is all that reading ever can be directly engaged with, and it involves the measured recognition that words can do unexpected and disturbing things to you."
-R. Poirier.

Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs.

New Jersey

Nickname: The Too-Easy-to-Mock State

Motto: "We Are Defensive About Our Faults."

Notes: The traveler will note the many attractive service plazas along the New Jersey Turnpike, the most hateful road in America. Each plaza is named for a famous New Jerseyan, and each has its own character:
The Thomas Alva Edison Service Plaza is made invisible by the Edison Method; the Carvel ice-cream store at the Woodrow Wilson Service Plaza offers an ice-cream cake in the shape of the League of Nations; peyote lovers flock to the truck parking lots of the Allen Ginsberg Service Plaza (and also, coincidentally, as a favourite of illegitimate children).
But be warned that the Ray Liotta Service Plaza is haunted by screaming phantoms, and also only has a Quiznos.
-J. Hodgman.

"Not sure about that tagline. Hope they can come up with something sharper before August. (My own suggestion, "Stardust. It's not a sequel to anything," was appreciated but, probably wisely, rejected."

i'm dopey, but i mean well.

"It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. "
-pratchett & gaiman.

"Personally, I liked the University; they gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector--they expect results."
-ghostbusters.

intellectual pursuits of various shapes and sizes. seek truth! avoid error.! g.k. chesterton. the world's largest carousel on the house on the rock. singing. neil gaiman. judging books by their covers. prophetic pragmatism. 'hot in herre.' taking the caps off of black bic pens and then discarding them. illegal u-turns. iris murdoch. forensic anthropology. ebay. gene wilder. dressing up like a superhero. egypt. the vikings. not knowing how to get anywhere that isnt: school, my house, work, the doyles'. much ado about nothing. old advertisements cira 1800s. requiring copious amounts of alcohol to do things my sober counterpart could never muster up the nerve to do. philosophy/reading philosophy and pretending i understand what it means. googly eyes. hot glue guns. popsicle-stick castles. forensics. charlie chaplin. buster keaton. pomegranate vodka. bendy straws. those invisible shelves jared makes. jasmine. bougainvillea. green thumbs. flower-boxes. sherlock holmes. polaroids. music videos of the indie rock persuasion. the nerdy doctor on criminal minds [i only saw two episodes, but i think it must be love]. granny smith apples. school. textbooks that read like novels. art nouveau. my disdain for andy warhol. saint christopher. saint cecilia. new york city. charles bridge. sifting through other peoples' libraries. andre breton, despite the fact that i really wish i could hate surrealism. truman capote. richard poirier. definitional disputes. being a wallflower. concerts. unlocking the remaining secrets of the universe. storms in teacups. 'every goddamn star in the planetarium.' beowulf. daredevil comics. the malleability of reality. honesty, despite the cost. 'her first clear idea of the possible defeat of bogey.' unhappenings. the czech republic. holland. the louvre. vermeer. waterhouse. william blake. fiction. sherlock holmes. e.e. cummings. ginsberg. anyone who can make me laugh. anyone i can make laugh. short stories. long stories. inbetween stories. words on a page. figure studies. magpies. gustav klimt. espresso, and lots of it. the history channel. sapere aude. reading voraciously. the word 'tantamount.' baubles. the arabian nights. the past: "People are always shouting they want to create a better future. It's not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past. They are fighting for access to the laboratories where photographs are retouched and biographies and histories rewritten." fortuities. hieroglyphics. magic. metaphors. high-wire acrobats. cleverness. travelling and travellers. autumn. snow goons. calvin & hobbes. people with accents [if you have an accent the odds are greatly in your favour for my falling in love with you]. the wonders of the ancient [and not-so-ancient] world. british spellings of words [i.e. colour, theatre, centre, etc.] having pen pals/writing letters. sunflowers. fishing/camping. battling mind. strategems. "What we cannot speak of we must be silent about." --Wittgenstein. unwillingness to be pinned down or cornered. the acquisition of knowledge. tomfoolery. the ruinous lovers. god i love you, but you trouble me. clunky headphones. folky stuff. art that is not modern [art]. wine. chess. balderdash. pan. faerytales/fairytales/tales of faerie. raspberries. skylights. dave mckean. czech crystals. bubble baths. the slav epic. stupid rhymes. william james and the pragmatists [except for peirce, that rotten son of a bitch]. not being able to articulate exactly why i think peirce is a rotten son of a bitch. g.k. chesteron. working in the dark room. painting of the day archives courteousy of artmagick.com. the unattainable. the preraphaelites. science fiction. music in its various forms. singing. booksbooksbooks. comic books. random facts. cardigans. camera obscuras. sarcasm. peppermint. pumpkin. ireland. religions and ancient practices. [lenape maxilla phenomena!] continuously breaking my glasses. procrastination. writing essays at three in the morning. tea + honey. acoustic guitar strumming. antique/used bookstores. gently, gently johnny. mel brooks. madeline kahn. stories. atl-atls. wikipedia and google. pink ladies. skirts + elfin boots. sprites, faeries, piskies, goblins, mermen and merwomen and especially were-goldfish[ies]. creation stories. lots of hair on my head. over-thinking things. christmas lights. apple cider. mass quantities of caffeine preferably supplied via IV drip or injected directly into one's heart. celtic, norse, greek, roman, russian, [...] myth. rhinestones. rag-curls. pomegranates. striving to become the smartest girl alive. conceptual fictions. collages. stalking fallen stars. plotting bon jovi's ultimate demise.

I'd like to meet:



my heart's desire.

"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."

a slightly drunk neil gaiman amidst a backdrop of jack kirby.

anyone else is of no use to me.

save, perhaps, for these gents:

"Who did kill those men?" she asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I would." She sounded angry now. He wondered if bringing the wine to the dinner had been a wise idea. Life was certainly not a cabernet right now.

"It's not easy to believe."

"I," she told him, "can believe anything. You have no idea what I can believe."

"Really?"

"I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen-I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it." She stopped, out of breath.

Shadow almost took his hands off the wheel to applaud. Instead he said, "Okay. So if I tell you what I've learned you won't think that I'm a nut."

"Maybe," she said. "Try me."

-excerpt from American Gods.

Music:



beth amsel, damien rice, lisa hannigan, the swell season, the decemberists, nino rota, regina spektor, antje duvekot, elliott smith, glenn gould, tori amos, the national, pj harvey, bjork, miranda lee richards, amanda palmer, josh ritter, the frames, sarah harmer, brad yoder, sarah slean, brenda weiler, the cardigans, better than ezra, marissa nadler, the wallflowers, dishwalla, blonde redhead, pink floyd, josephine foster, social distortion, the ditty bops, kate bush, rocky votolato, dresden dolls, radiohead, trespassers william, azure ray, maria taylor, citay, the frames, mr. t experience, rose cousins, thea gilmore, green day, paul giovanni, the elysian fields, jessica dobson, the decemberists, lindi ortega, red house painters, sarah bettens, jolie holland, social distortion, the suicide machines, flogging molly, jenny owen youngs, sara bareilles, the weepies, deb talen, pooka, rancid, eleni mandell, neko case, fiona apple, lucero, jesus and mary chain, mazzy star, hope sandoval + the warm inventions, neil young, led zeppelin, simon + garfunkel, jonatha brooke, portishead, rose polenzani, erin mckeown, jess klein, sharon lewis, the postal service, the feverfew, the shins, this mortal coil, kristin hersh, kid dakota, kathleen edwards, dispatch, unwritten law, ani difranco, dead milkmen, bob dylan, pearl jam, garbage, the cranberries, gin blossoms, the strokes, the whitestripes, keren ann, kasey chambers, jeff buckley, tim buckley, rufus wainwright, martha wainwright, teddy thompson, emiliana torrini, counting crows, the cranes, the legendary pink dots, dar williams, joni mitchell, sufjan stevens, veda hille, wilco, the eels, bruce springsteen, guns n' roses, nick drake, the red house painters, leonard cohen, suzanne vega, the smiths, the beatles, tom petty, smashing pumpkins, the cure, neutral milk hotel, norah jones, eisley, david bowie, billie holiday, mirah, the ditty bops, gillian welch, joanna newsom, kimya dawson, the moldy peaches, nellie mckay, pinhead gunpowder, the dropkick murphys, stevie ray vaughn, bush, the ramones, visual audio sensory theatre, alkaline trio, laura veirs, maria mckee, antony and the johnsons, beth orton, ryan adams, beck, bouncing souls, blondie, cowboy junkies, julie doiron, mary lou lord, delerium, depeche mode, dishwalla, stabbing westward, aimee mann, edie carey, poe, emmylou harris, violent femmes, goo goo dolls, patty griffin, janis joplin, jen wood, james taylor, the impossibles, lisa germano, lori carson, natalie merchant, the november project, nine inch nails, over the rhine, placebo, rogue wave, silverchair, soul asylum, the buzzcocks, tami hart, the notwist, the murums, the mars volta, the geraldine fibbers, the vandals, the waifs, the superjesus, the toadies, thoushaltnot, vetiver, voices on the verge, slaid cleaves, screeching weasel, live, robert plant + the honeydrippers, mary timony, helium, two loons for tea, the waifs, chopin, lois, idaho, gemma hayes, cocteau twins, alina simone, keyser soze, coltrane, chick corea, the be good tanyas, a perfect circle, tool, the pogues, heatmiser, supergrass, tegan + sara, ida, the lost patrol, the distillers, the secret stars, cat power, throwing muses, etc. etc. ETC.! i am a tremendous fan of swapping mixed tapes/cds..

Movies:



pan's labyrinth, true romance, here comes mr. jordan, pride & prejudice, la cité des enfants perdus, manos: the hands of fate [hands: the hands of fate], history of the world pt. I, the princess bride, labyrinth, amelie, garden state, high art, sense & sensibility, romeo & juliet, pride & prejudice, fried green tomatoes, before sunrise, the dreamlife of angels, the professional, the secretary, spaceballs, willow, history of the world, tombstone, the dark crystal, boondock saints, stand by me, high fidelity, the lord of the rings trilogy, v for vendetta, neverwhere, young frankenstein, blazing saddles, the crow, photographing faeries, gladiator, 10 things i hate about you, southlander, so i married an ax murderer, etc.

Television:



"There are plenty of legends about women turning into trees but are there any about trees turning into women?"

Books:



Heroes:

john hodgman.
1 copy of fragile things = $24.95
lunch in new york city with sean and cheung - $15.00
meeting neil gaiman for a second time and having him remember you and want to speak with you - freakin' priceless.
this photo captures the geekdom that i so powerfully radiate daily.
i paint ladies.and i paint angry lady-dolls.and bruce draws condiments as personifications of people.mauritshaus at den haag and one of my favourite paintings in the whole wide world.my mother tolerating my sister's shennanigans.the love of my life.two of my favourite people in existence dressed as two of the greatest superheroes in existence.the parrot and the blue-jay in battle-royale mode.photos of my room are situated to fool people into thinking i still paint and that i'm not a slob.beth amsel and i in west creek. happiness.i met antje duvekot once and could only muster up the courage to ask her to sign my cd-release promo card.the super-nerd.from the barnes & noble nyc signing for anansi boys where neil gaiman laughed at me and i got tongue-tied a lot.death having a cup of coffee.

My Blog

'even happy to be sad'

the most unsuspecting instrumentsand honey on my tongue. if i could do it all over again.  everything's such atangled mess anymore i wouldnt even know where to begin.one event bleeds into another...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 03:53:00 PST

'[...] they look for allegories  and come up with nothing but clichés [...]'

"The proliferation of mass graphomania among politicians, cab drivers, women on the delivery table, mistresses, murderers, criminals, prostitutes, police chiefs, doctors, and patients proves to me tha...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Fri, 18 May 2007 11:57:00 PST

Jokes that have never produced laughter.

JOKES THAT HAVE NEVER PRODUCED LAUGHTER-By John Hodgman.   Comedians are notoriously superstitious, more so even than actors, who fear the word "Macbeth" so much that they will attempt to stab an...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Fri, 04 May 2007 07:33:00 PST

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds.

When The Times invited several eminent authors to write essays on the theme "What's Wrong with the World?" Chesterton's contribution took the form of a letter: Dear Sirs, I am. Sincerely yours, G. K. ...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Wed, 02 May 2007 09:02:00 PST

"[...]the devious stratagems of language"

"Reading can be a civilizing process, not because the meanings it gathers may be good for us -- they may in fact sometimes be quite pernicious -- but because that most demanding form of writing and re...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Wed, 25 Apr 2007 11:52:00 PST

"Nobody died. How can you kill an idea? How can you kill the personification of an action?"

i have an overwhelming amount of respect in my heart foranyone who can sort through the good ideas and thebad and cause a creation beneath their handswhere once there was nothing. i have ideas everyd...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Fri, 20 Apr 2007 07:19:00 PST

'and he moved like a god through the world.'

the simplest way to state it is that idid not know just how much i did not know.i am drowning in the works and eloquence ofthe vast majourity of people more intelligent thanmyself and i've had just en...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 01:42:00 PST

love grows in me like a tumour.

i am decidedly a great fan of cynical love songsand skinny white girls covering such rap anthems as hot in herre.i'm not too sure what the universe has beenworking at lately, but it feels like whateve...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Sun, 01 Apr 2007 08:54:00 PST

'to drop me out of your view.'

all of this wanting andwishing that has gonetoo far over my head has left me withnot enough of anything tangibleand far too much scattered prose.tidbits that i cant seem to connect tothe rest of the m...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Sun, 25 Mar 2007 06:39:00 PST

she walks in a river.

ithink that i couldwrite a book if i would stopwallowing in the words of others.considering all of the mastery and brilliance to havecome before me,any attempts thereafter to befutile. on the one hand...
Posted by shmerin berry. on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 10:35:00 PST