Ricky

Cocoa puffs are better than sex-Heres why-The biproduct of milk and cocoa puffs are chocolate milk! The biproducts of sex are babies, diseaese, and having to test your ability to sneak out a window afterwards. Don't get me wrong, I have been trained in Extreme Laddering and Platform jumping so it is not a problem. Also, cocoa puffs never complain, and never need to be held. And they will never have a three way with your best friend and some shady stripper named Devin. I like to mail my feces to random people with no return address. Some of you have seen my real face--And then you have gone into extreme hiding. Wise choice. I told you that you would do that and you refused to take heed to my predictions. But now in the future the past has occured! Have you ever though about deep-frying a midget? I try to take my agression out verbally on the homeless because they are an objective person and it won't matter what they think of me after I spit on them. The last one I didn't spit on but rather gave him a stapler. I can play the harmonica with my anus, I was on Letterman showing my skills about a year ago. If you remember I played "Ode to Joy", and then jazzed it up by playing "Dr. FeelGood" by Motley Crew. Currently I'm practicing Chopin and soon hope to move onto bigger instruments like a clarinet or even a tuba. Usually on weekends I walk through the woods to the highway, blind fold myself, untie my shoes, and run across the highway with scissors in my hand. I am the champion of extreme highway crossing in the US (currently ranked ..2 in the world) and I have only been hit three times. I like headbands but sharks are better because they swim all the time and their job is to kill things. I have never seen a headband do that. Chinese people don't like me because I am taller than them but they still deliver my food very fast. But one day it will come to a showdown in my front yard ( It is inevitable) so I had my mother sew pockets into my boxer briefs to hold Chinese stars. This way they will think I am unarmed but I will have a hidden advantage. The pope is the original gangster, think about it, he rules a country/city, millions follow his words from blind faith and he has a custom bullet proof whip--WHAT! Thats pure playalistics. 50 cent is not tough, he's not a gangster and he is ugly enough to be Seal's butt child. I'll never forgive the British for butchering the English language, everytime one of them speaks I try to distract myself by thinking about ice cream because it sounds like someone is stretching the anus of a circus clown. I like clowns because they have been around as long as crocodiles, I was suprised their species survived once the cavemen started to prey on them for their main source of food. This was unknown until a few months ago when a unicycle was discovered at an archealogical dig site and the carbon dating test proved it to be more than 15,000 years old. Birds don't really fly, anytime you think you see one its really a squirrel launching a small dose of LSD-25 into your eyeball from a minature crossbow or rifle. This is how they distract you to play gags on you, like tie your shoe laces together. Sometimes they even take a few bucks from your wallet because its tough being a squirrel. Ever since the hostile take over of their diamond mines in South Africa they have resorted to non-traditional tactics to survive. Its ok with me, sometimes I just go to the park and leave a dollar or so on the ground for them just so that they can support their families. Oh, NEWSFLASH---The Quizno's baby from the commercials was genetically engineered from DNA of Dave Thomas (founder of Wendy's) and Drew Barrymore. I saw a commercial for donations for hurricane victims and it stated that "no donation is too small" This was good news because I am broke, so I immediately made out an envelope and sent them all of the lint from my dryer screen/filter. I was born in the projects so sometimes we would get dryer lint for christmas and birthdays-but ours was already in fun shapes. But now I think the hurricane kids can have much fun because they can get creative and form their own shapes, like a dinosaur, or a toaster oven, or even Macaulay Culkin. UFO's are real and so is provolone cheese. My last girlfriend bought me a book on how to improve our relationship which cost her $30, seeing the value in this I returned the book and used the money to Fed Ex her to Guam, she likes foreign guys better anyways. Her parents were pissed but I used my Jedi mind trick to convince them that they were chincillas. So now they just roll in the dirt, drink water from a giant bottle, and eat pellets. Please only contact me if you have mastered the art of Laddering, Platform Jumping, Ducking, and Extreme Hiding. Crotch rot is not fashionable anymore. Please check my website for fashionable crotch styles, such as the "cascade", "Poseidon", the original "parachute" (Courtesy of Jason David England--yes the famous author whole wrote the Original version of "Proper ways to nurse your baby Kangaroos") Spiders have it all man... 8 legs and can shoot the material out of their butt to build their home. Imagine if you could do that; find a nice piece of land and then start defecating concrete, sheet rock, nails, doors, etc and then just build your crib. DO you know whats cool about Bamboo? Me neither--Let me know if you have any ideas on this. Michael Rappaport and Eric Stoltz are redheads..Good job guys, keep on rockin even though it looks like your brain is on fire. Why do fat people buy really small cars? There must be some kind of secret incentive program like free tv dinners for life or a lifetime supply of sweatpants with your purchase of a ford festiva. I like to place random collect calls overseas, you would be suprised how many people in Donguang will accept your call. I also just started to mail polaroids of my package with my credit card payments and they are still thanking me for being a good customer. If you send me a message and I don't respond immediately its because I have been busy working on my cat lingerie line. Its called Heathcliff's Secret. I think it will be huge! Stretch marks suck but gonorrhea isn't a total deal breaker, i'm always up for new experiences. But no amputees please, i'm not ready to fall in love. Everyone please remember--Usted se pregunta a si mismo, como todos nosotros tenemos que hacerlo: "Quien Soy?.."Donde Estoy?"..."Para donde voy?" El proceso de iluminacion es generalmente lento. Pero al final, nuestra busqueda siempre trae un hallazgo. Estos grandes misterios estan, despues de todod, encerrados en una completa sencillez. Sorry, sometimes I get possesed by the ghost of Eric Estrada. Last time it happened I came back to my senses only to find myself in the carriage house on Susan Sarandons estate with a mule in latex and I was wearing a Wonder Woman costume. Ed Norton was there too but he escaped out the back door and was never caught. The police didn't believe me and my parents posted my mug shot on the web, you can google it if you like.