I am not really interested in anything except stealing things from Erika. I steal her sweaters...her mail...her aprons...her wigs...definitely her lighters...her knife...(which I had for years, so I believe I should have been allowed to keep it...the statute of limitations had run out on her being able to re-confiscate it, but I guess that's just my opinion)...I have many other things that I have stolen from her but I keep them hidden for as long as possible so that she won't take them back. She has so much crap that she doesn't even know all the things I have stolen from her. She also doesn't know that I have been stealing things out of her house while she was away, and now I'm setting up a rival ebay store in order to sell all of these items back to her.Also, I'm interested in being brainwashed by the government, renting apartments just for fun, learning kung-fu, starting fake businesses, buying a lot of things, cursing out motorists, crying in front of policemen, dressing in costume-like attire for no particular reason, using latex and rubber for unorthodox reasons, getting traffic tickets...starting sentences with "If I were rich...", talking, taking showers at other people's homes, painting, (to be continued)
I'd like to meet:
People who have had children but haven't sunk into a hole of child rearing isolation. People who wear the same pants every single day. The President of the United States. Women who kill chickens with their bare hands. Young men who used to inspect nuts and other food items. Guys who fall off ladders and eat alot of rice. Teachers who wear rainbow socks and/or show their socks to their students while making fun of them. Girls who rent apartments and never live in them. People who don't currently have cars but will have one in the near future and has had one in the near past. People who change their hair color alot. Girls who fly to Texas in the wee hours of the moring without making travel plans ahead of time. Babies who take two to three hour naps in the afternoon. Sanitation workers. Anyone who has ever fed a wolf pup with a bottle. People who jump from trees in Clove Lakes park. Anyone who changes their name to "(Inter)National Man of Vegetables". Girls who take pictures of everything and everybody. Anyone who never puts oil in their car. Time travellers. Chefs. Guys who bring over three hundred dollars worth of chocolate to my house on a weekday. Anyone who has ever had brain surgery. Shamans. People who want to do laundry at my house. People who do laundry at other peoples houses while they rearrange their kitchens. Rock star/ documentary making types. Anyone who has ever been diagnosed as insane but really isn't. People who really are insane but haven't been properly diagnosed. Anyone who wants to go to the park at 10am on a weekday. A woman who raises liberal minded children and raccoon cubs simultaneously. Anyone who has grown to bear a physical resemblance to their cat or dog. People who sing songs about roast beef. Guys who know the coupling rituals of songbirds. Girls who play weird instruments that may or may not involve a bike horn, a spring, and a beer tray. People who like to dance in the subway. Girls who drink whiskey on weekdays. Anyone who can figure out how to rematerialize into their physical form.
Music:
Wahoo Skiffle Crazies.
Movies:
Sometimes. But Frank never wants to watch a movie. He has commitment issues with the television.
Television:
Sesame Street. The Muppet Show.You can play with my monkey instead of watching TV!
adopt your own virtual pet!
Books:
Yes. I have read every novel that Henry James wrote, and they all bored me half to tears. I have a soft spot for 19th century American literture. Any time I pick up Leaves of Grass it puts me in a hopeful mood. I used to walk around with a backpack filled with books, but now I try to focus on just one or two. Also, it made my back hurt. And I refuse to buy one of those luggage-like backpacks with the wheels on it. Those are just silly. I mean, unless you really need one. But I don't. I used to think that I didn't like 17th century British poetry, but it turns out that I do. Just looking at the Romance section of the bookstore annoys me, and what's with the new genre of hip chick novels? You know, the ones with the neon pink covers? Are they any good? I mean, I have never read one, I am only judging them by their silly titles and superficial, materialistic plot lines. I hope I am not offending you. I am also re-reading the Sesame Street series from the 1980's.
Heroes:
Mothers. People who don't throw their gum wrapper out of the window. The old man who saved me when I was getting attacked by a dog; he didn't get out to help me, but least he stopped the car...“Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.†- Aristotle
