closet sometimes misanthrope. wanna be: writer, interior designer, furniture maker, business owner, worker-outer. a cesspool of brilliant ideas hampered only by laziness and copious amounts o' procrastination. i'm inclined to sing on voicemail messages, often intermingled with quasi-endearing meows. moderately raucous. canoodley at opportune times. i tend to fondle boobs & ass whilst intoxicated. don't read too much into it. devil's advocate. banterist. wingwoman. nefarious, but in a fabulously gregarious way. insomniac. a dichotomy of sorts. i often live in squalor. i'm rarely punctual. i'm nostaligic for things that happened an hour ago. i have an unhealthy obsession w/cheese...and jameson, preferrably on the rocks. i worship at the alter of goetta. i know it's just made up of crap (my dad used to make it from scratch when i was but a wee midget), yet i exalt it all the same. i throw schweeeeeeeeet ass parties. i'm a movie dialogue nazi. i constantly rewind if i miss something, if it's a flick that i haven't seen before. i don't know how people can get up and use the bathroom without hitting the pause button. u could miss out on some spectacular soliloquy or plot twist. cheeseburgers are my friend & should be yours as well. they make me feel warm & fuzzy inside. eggs r good too. i love walking in the rain (as long as it's not cold out) and am especially fond o' kissing in the rain, and all sorts o' inclement weather for that matter, sans gargantuan hail...that could hurt. i'm addicted to chapstick. i often see things out of the corner of my eyes that are not there. sometimes this frightens me and i find myself involuntarily wailing for my mother. my eyes turn green when i cry. i've long had a reserved seat on the short bus to hell.i once had a dream that moose/deer/yackesque creatures were trying to get to me so as to turn me into a refrigerator magnet. what the fuck does that mean? i'm a big fan of the word "sphincter" & try to insert it into every 5th sentence. i'm slowly getting over the latter. most recently, it has been replaced by using "kung pao chicken" as a euphemism for vagina (i.e. did he/she try to touch your kung pao chicken?). i am a movie fiend & world class procrastinator. i procrastinate to the point of absurdity. i have a lexicon entirely unto myself that i propagate often. i'm the oldest of six children & the shortest. yes, i am from kentucky, but i've never fucked my brother... or my father for that matter; however, i did once have a minuscule crush on a small sheep named eleanor. i have all of my teeth & several pair of shoes. i love to people watch. i have a ridiculous sense of humor that borders on sick. i'm blatantly honest to a fault...add alcohol to the mix & it's gets even worse. i f*cking love indian food & would like to go for a swim in paneer makhani & dry off with some tasty naan. i skip showers on sundays sometimes. i name my zits. i am a fabulous kisser.i'm a certifiable cynic, but a romantic at heart, which is a terribly confusing combination at times. i fall for the intelligent, quirky funny, creative types. if i date u, and u don't take the initiative early on to learn how to properly administer "back tickles," we will ultimately never work out. i'll always love my jameson, guinness & god bless tullimore dew. mmmm....dirty, dry sapphire martinis too! red bull and vodka is the devil & i do his bidding a lot lately. drinking is bad. i can't stand people who r overly snobby & pretentious. i'm not a catty female and have a hard time dealing with those who r. what ever happened to female solidarity? (just because another girl is attractive does not make her your enemy) i sleep in my contacts. i love to dance my ass off to good tunes. i wish people would just fucking speak their minds more. peanut butter milk shakes r required fuel to keep my body going (i will never achieve quality cellulite if i don't continue eating my fatty foods). my car is a lot older & uglier than yours. i don't want to join your hipster club!! i find cincy becoming more & more incestuous by the hour & am starving for an influx of something & someone new. in an ideal world, i would write & direct movies, even though i have no official experience whatsoever. my cats play fetch better than dogs. i like to have my pic taken in small, curtained boxes that charge u money. i'm pretty intuitive about people & situations & probably know more about u than u think. sometimes i'm wrong. i'm forever on a quest for a benefactor that requires no sex in return, but just wants to give me $$ to travel & write. i know the latter doesn't exist.***I DON'T LIKE IT when people hit on me on these sites via email... it's usually pretty creepy, however, if u have something witty &/or wise to contribute, maybe i will let u be my friend. ***TO CLARIFY EVEN FURTHER: a definite leave me the hell alone to shirtless men whose arms r so big they can't put them down to their sides & all of the pics in your friends list consist of naked &/or scantily clad girls & your only form of communication is an email saying "damn, your hot"...yep....definitely NOT interested!!! the problem; however, lies in the fact that those who fall into the aforementioned category are typically ignorant, illiterate fucks who never manange to read this far down into my profile anyway, so this sentence is essentially moot. bah! if i don't know u, i probably won't add u, but u can improve your chances by submitting a short essay of no less than 500 words (double-spaced) on why u want to be my friend & what i will garner out of being friends w/u. if u r especially talented, u may be able to accomplish the same feat with a short, concise, credible paragraph. however, if i don't find u amusing at all, i will not chastise u, but will ignore your friend request entirely. vapidity may facilitate the world spinnin' round, but doesn't intrigue me at all. yes...my cats have a profile on myspace. i'm a dork. is your head spinning yet? beware...i talk even faster! now leave me the hell alone. this garbled mess is intentional.oh...& i'm a pepper.
I edited my profile with Thomas Myspace Editor V3.6 !
