About Me
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Hi everyone I am Carl. I am balding and overweight.I dress casually, usually wearing a "gold" chain, stained wifebeater shirt, pocketless sweatpants, and green flip-flops.I have a collection of pornography, poor self-esteem, questionable hygiene, and dubious rapport with the opposite sex.I busting my ass for 20 hours a week. I have worked at a stupid ass styrofoam peanut factory in high school, as well as a manufacturing job when I was 8. I graduated high school in 1981, meaning that I was friggin twenty my senior year because I was held back two friggin grades. I was was raised by a Jackass father who gave me carpet samples for Christmas, which we would later eat as Christmas dinner.I have ties to the organ black market, as I once successfully obtained a human brain for Meatwad. I also have friends with similarly illegal jobs, including one named Terry, a ex-convict on parole who performs illegal back-alley plastic surgery. I bring Shake to Terry for extensive plastic surgery in exchange for receiving a 10% finder's fee. How friggin sweet is that!!!!My home has been routinely damaged or destroyed, having been melted, whisked off by the Leprechauns' rainbow-making machine, infested by thousands of termites from the Congo, burned down three times, first when Meatwad played with matches, then again from bad wiring when Shake converted all my electricity to my house, and a third time by the mooninites because they didn't friggin see anything in my house they wanted and decided to burn the friggin house down, wrapped in silk, had a hole shot through the wall and the roof by the OoGhiJ MIQtxxXA, urinated upon by Travis Of The Cosmos, smeared in horse manure with the numbers 1 through 3 for a fake Olympic medalist ceremony, scratched with symbols in a 'note' from Meatwad, licked by Shake on the front doorknob, crushed by two giant egg creatures, and smashed by a Monster Truck belonging to Mr. Wongburger's employees. I have an above-ground swimming pool in my backyard, in which the Aqua Teens often swim (uninvited and undesired). The pool has been the site of a suicide by Shake, mysteriously (to me) destroyed when Shake lost his PDA, used by Shake in an attempt to do the dishes (also involving a car battery and dog shampoo), a storehouse of elfin blood, Shake's toilet (he claims to have urinated in it many, many times), and a depository in which the genetically-engineered Handbanana and Spaghetti were created.I also have a red Dodge Stealth detailed with the graphics 2 Wycked with is friggin sweet,but has been destroyed many times over the course of the show. In fact, my car was the first of my posessions to ever be destroyed, having been crushed by the Rabbot in the pilot episode. Yet all of my stuff always reappears in the next episode undamaged.Which is friggin sweet again!!!!
I also found to have crabs in the fourth season.
The Boston Phoenix named me the 10th most unsexy man of 2007I think the Aqua Teens are friggin freaks, and generally tries to avoid contact with them!!! Several times I have made an attempt to sell my home. At times, however, I seem to relate to Master Shake and partners with him in one of Shake's get-rich-quick schemes. In one time I balled around with Meatwad because Meatwad had been playing the song "I Want Candy" by MC Pee Pants for 3 days straight and the song subliminally affected me. They dubiously acquired some chocolate bunnies after being subjected to the non-stop song barrage. I have called the members of the Aqua Teen Hunger force by various nicknames, including: Master Shake, "Cup" or "Shakeman" Frylock, "Fryman"; and Meatwad, "Meatman." In my attempts to keep the friggin Aqua Teens away from me, I have called the police attempted to take out a restraining order, surrounded my house with lasers, and pulled a gun on Master Shake. I am often assaulted, injured, and killed and has other misfortunes due to the various schemes of the Aqua Teens. I have died more times than any other character on the show combined (I have been killed in every way from spontaneous combustion to being crushed by a giant chicken) , yet, just like my possessions, I invariably reappears in the next episode completely unharmed.
