I'd like to meet:
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The Best Myspace Survey
* . . About You . . *
Eye Color:: it changes with in acccordance with the sensitivities to those around, mostly black and blue but sometimes hound dog and other times hound tooth patterned
Hair Color:: my ear hair is peachy, my ass hair is brown, my arm pit hair is repulsive, my scalp hair is soon to be clear, i want chemo
Height:: you never ask a boy jis height, i'm trying to watch mine. ok 6'0" and some fractions
Favorite Color:: clear, because it won't hide my other favorite colors or arrangement of colors, it cool like dat
Screen Name:: (this space intentionally left blank)
Favorite Band:: I like AM. FM is cool, too. But if I'd have to pick silence.
Favorite Movie:: The book is way better. And I still can't read.
Favorite Show:: anything burlesque or with show tunes
Your Car:: falling apart and filled with useless shit
Your Hometown:: same as bruce springsteen or jahn cougar melloncamp or rick springfield or whoever
Your Present Town:: I haven't received a municipality as a gift ever.
Your Crushes First Name:: First Name: Teh Last Name: Internets
Your Grade:: Usually Fs, mostly certificates of participation. I need more obedience training.
Your Style:: Whatever's fashionable five years ago. Thrift stores rule.
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: Satellite is on rooftop? In basement.
Kissed someone in the rain?: Usually in the mouth or on it. The rain? Is that like some urine fetish.
Danced in a public place?: In microsecond intervals.
Smiled for no reason?: Always. If by no reason, you mean plotting your eventual demise.
Laughed so hard you cried?: I make people cry so hard I laugh. Same thing. You say tomato.
Peed your pants after age 8?: Of course. If you play your cars right, I'll pee your pants, carpet, couch, bed, entertainment center, while whispering sweet nothin's
Written a song?: I've conducted scores for Buster Keaton movies, which is why they're not funny.
Sang to someone for no reason?: Usually to get someone to switch the song...
Performed on a stage?: All life is a stage, but I still perform in the crowd. And I'm not talking about orgies.
Talked to someone you don't know?: Does myself count?
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: Nope. I'm friendly within 3 feet. Then I'll talk shit about you, you fat cunt.
Made out in a theatre?: Only to piss off my date and the guy jacking off behind us. I thought the X's were covering the Art on the Marquee
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: I plead the fifth.
Been in love?: On it, around it, smelled it, got sick from it, never in it.
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: My niece said the alphabet. ABCDEFG-HIJKL...
Tell you, I love you?: Probably no one. I don't pay attention. Someone told my ass they loved me.
Kiss you?: They humor me with their lips and a look of disgust.
Hug you?: In a meaningful emotional way? To an abortionist's tongs count?
Tell you BYE?: Like as in BYE sexual. I was told to "fucking leave" yesterday by mall security.
Write you a note?: Too personal.
Take your photo?: A security camera in Detroit. I didn't even say cheese.
Call your cell phone?: It's dead, so probably someone else who's dead.
Buy you something?: I got a free lunch yesterday. No such thing? Bullshit.
Go with you to the movies?: I go stag with all the other people who don't go.
Sing to you?: My friends rat each other out all the time.
Write a poem about you?: Write one, please.
Text message you?: ttyl as long as the l means never.
Touch you?: Usually with brutal force and a deadly weapon.
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: Laughs are mental orgasms or maybe it was seizures.
Time you cried?: When I found out there is no hell or no evil. Why Jesus? Why?
Movie you watched?: The one with the star(s) the everyone raved about that in reality wasn't that good or interesting or original.
Joke you told?: When I tried to be serious.
Song you've sang?: I lip-synch, just like real singers.
Time you've looked at the clock?: 17 minutes into the future.
Drink you've had?: The liquid part of my own vomit.
Number you've dialed?: Actually a newsroom fax number.
Book you've read?: The Bible backwards. The way it was meant to be read and misquoted and misunderstood and twisted to suit bigotted ends.
Food you've eaten?: The solid parts of my own vomit.
Flavor of gum chewed?: The tasteless kind you find smashed into the pavement. 1 scrape and it's a free treat.
Shoes you've worn?: 2, matching, made by labor cheaper than slavery.
Store you've been in?: your ebay store
Thing you've said?: shoop da woop
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: Both equally poorly.
Whistle?: Out me anus and I can talk out it too.
Blow a bubble?: I burst bubbles effortlessly.
Roll your tounge in a circle?: That's technically impossible. Yes.
Cross your eyes?: Only when I'm trying to show sympathy for my savior, street intersections.
Touch your tounge to your nose?: I can't do anything with your tongue or nose except make them recoil in horror.
Dance?: Only on a dance floor, in the presence of strangers to music I feel.
Gleek?: With womit.
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: Too much.
Speak a different language?: I have my own dialect.
Impersonate someone?: Mock, too.
Prank call people?: Phone punk'd? Gay.
Make a card pyramid?: credit cards. it looked like a bank.
Cook anything?: burned.
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...: dying breed, I'd prefer extinction over the status quo. That came out wrong. I'm tired.
I wish ...: this survey would fucking end already.
So many people don't know that ...: everything they know is wrong.
I am ...: non-existant, please call back another time.
My heart is ...: indifferent. Eh, whaddya do?
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