Ar Duvall

Ar Duvall could have been legendary. They could have been one of the most innovative and mesmerizing rock groups of the 21st Century. Yes, they could have. But they fucking blew it. Rising from the ashes of 90s indie/punk/hardcore rock bands, Weston, Frail, and Major Bees, Ar Duvall formed in 2005 poised to take over the world. Their early shows were a flurry of controlled chaos and swirling soundscapes. Audiences did not know what hit them. Their first album, Immigent Songz (2007), sold an unprecedented 23,000 despite being self-released and only on cassette. A world tour of theatres and amphitheatres followed and the bands performances were compared to a mixture of orgasm and a really great meal. In 2008, they signed to the V2 label after an industry bidding war the likes of which had never been seen. After that, Ar Duvall started getting cocky. They turned down Rick Rubins offer to produce their sophomore effort and decided to self-produce only to spend their recording budget hiring Rick Rubin look-alikes to stalk and mock Mr. Rubin twenty 24 hours a day. Mr. Rubin, in turn, sued them and had drummer, Cody Shorts legs de-boned. Ar Duvall then fired Mr. Short and replaced him with some small girl, according to guitarist, Warren Snyder. The band self destructed over the next two years. After being dropped by V2 and signing with Czechoslovakias Zlemster Records, Ar Duvall released their final album; This Time the War is fought by us and the War is against our Fans and FUCK THEM. It was not well received. A jaguar in an Iowa field ate guitarist, Robin Cole in 2011 after he doused the jaguar in liquid acid. Derrick Zabrinski, the bands bassist, stood by and watched the entire event and now spends most of his days humming silently in that very field. Warren Snyder and Cody Short left the band in 2012 and have been living unhappily together in a Burmese hut for the past 9 years. Jesse Short tried to keep the band going for a few years by building an orchestra of robots and cyborgs to back him up on stage. There were a few memorable shows but it was clear that he would never reclaim his past glory. His robot bassist, Zazco 6.1 late last year, beat Jesse to death. Zazco now fronts the same band under the name, Zazco and the Bot Band. Their last single was downloaded 9 billion times. Yes indeed, Ar Duvall could have been legendary. I implore each an every one of you to run to your nearest time traveling kiosk and check out some of the bands early shows, particularly those of early 2006. Good day to you, and all hail President Zazco.