keri - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Actor, dancer, choreographer, poet, singer (?!?) The jury is still out on that one. I'm also a professional mail opener and bill payer. I'm really good at taking the garbage out but for some reason its putting that new bag in that I tend to procrastinate about. I went to a Hutterrite farm for a field trip in grade three and they slaughtered pigs right in front of us but bacon is one of my favourite things in the entire world. I've lived in Vancouver for almost five years and have a sweet pair of galoshes to prove it. I'm trying to learn a new sign language word per day. I have always harboured a secret desire to live on a farm, raise chickens, milk cows, ride horses and bail hay. I don't even know what bailing hay is but I wanna do it. Someday soon I will work up the nerve to do burlesque. I must quit drinking so much @*$%ing coffee. (I tried once. I got a migraine.) I'm pretty sure my milkshake has brought a few boys to the yard. I find things funny that maybe other people don't. This may help to explain why I sometimes push my friends down long flights of stairs just to watch them fall. I'm an excellent sleeper, fisher, button re-attacher and, at the risk of sounding too egotistical, I played a mean recorder in grade school. I have an amazing family and I love them all. Oh, and also . . . don't fuck with me.

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My Interests

sneaking into the background of unsuspecting tourist's pictures and performing any number of obscene gestures, stealing, swearing, lying about my whereabouts, causing general disturbances. Giving and receiving chip dips.

I'd like to meet:

The Smothers Brothers, Larry David, Ellen, Ben and Jerry (the ice cream dudes), Jack Handy. Anyone named Pedro. The person responsible for making the rims so impossibly difficult to roll up on the Tim Horton's cups. I don't even care if I win anymore. If I can get the damn thing rolled up, that's a good day.michael jackson

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Music:

I LOVE Michael Jackson. Always have, always will. I don't care if his socks don't match or if his nose falls completely off. I'm a country freak, but mostly if its older than me. Other than that I will listen to anything other than rap. I'm pretty easy. Tell your friends.

Books:

I'm almost finished "The New Pearl Harbour" and recently started "State of Denial: Bush at War, Part 3" (Some would say I have become slightly obsessed with politics, 9/11, and just generally what is going on in the world. I don't want to be ignorant and think that just because I live in Canada I am unaffected.).

Heroes:

not you.

My Blog

I would like to know too . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITZZ6-qCYIE&mode=related& amp;search=
Posted by keri on Mon, 01 Oct 2007 11:01:00 PST

oh . . .

I get it now.
Posted by keri on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 11:57:00 PST

Hard things. Things that are hard.

That is in reference to I Am Sam . . . . "huge mistakes. Mistakes that are huge." If you have never seen that movie, you MUST go rent it right now. While you are there, you can also pick up a cop...
Posted by keri on Sun, 10 Jun 2007 04:26:00 PST

Return to childhood . . .

Remember when you were a kid and everything seemed to take forever? Or maybe it was just me, but I remember thinking that things like Christmas and my birthday were always SO far away, and that it see...
Posted by keri on Sat, 12 May 2007 01:19:00 PST

Spelt . . . ?!?

Okay, so I don't know if I have ever spontaneously (sp? I don't care) burst into laughter by myself in the grocery store before, but there is a first time for everything. I'm standing there in the bre...
Posted by keri on Fri, 20 Apr 2007 03:21:00 PST

Based on thousands of true stories

AKA: the blog formerly known as "Reign Over Me" I saw this movie and all I can say is it's F'n fantastic. Now, some would say that my opinion is slightly biased because of my affinity for the work of...
Posted by keri on Sat, 14 Apr 2007 02:02:00 PST

Thought of the day

The other day on my way to work I saw a dead bird on the sidewalk. Since then I have found myself wondering what happens in the animal world when one dies. Did this bird have a mother and father bird,...
Posted by keri on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 11:32:00 PST

Genius!

Cereal with chocolatey bits in it? I must find the person who thought of this . . . I do not care if it is a man, woman, or midget . . . and marry them at once. We will live in a house made of pepperm...
Posted by keri on Mon, 19 Mar 2007 12:14:00 PST

Girls Don't Like That

If any given woman is walking down any given sidewalk, chances are she is probably trying to get somewhere. That somewhere is NOT your bedroom. (Unless she is a hooker, in which case, enjoy your ...
Posted by keri on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 02:15:00 PST

Diary of a Mad Caucasian Bartender, Part 1

I swear some people were raised in a barn. Or with no Mother. Or in a barn with no Mother. Just because I have two ears doesn't mean I can listen to two people at the same time. If I'm talking to som...
Posted by keri on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 01:16:00 PST