Communo-Dandyism; The fine art of hunt sabotage; Cocktails and creative alcohol abuse; Idling, lazing, lolling and reclining; Fully-fashioned stockings; Militant atheism; Vintage styled lingerie; The Devil's music; Dancing, dancing and dancing!; Real, old-style burlesque and striptease(no angle-grinders, fake blood, dinner-ladies in tights or idiotic modern music thank-you very much); Tiki; Mid-century modern; Vintage fetish photography; Barberism (as opposed to barbarism); Exceedingly high heels; Velvet collars; The dark art of pocket-square folding; Hats; Girdle-bound damsels; Film noir; Intimate, smoke-filled venues frequented by spies, strumpets and freedom fighters; Swordsticks; Modernist architecture; Cravats; Diaphanous underlinen; Gaudy art; Silk pencil skirts; Militant atheism; Button braces; Hip flasks; Pocket watches; Smoking jackets; Frilly knickers; Oak bookcases; The International Brigades; Total Social Change by any means necessary
I'd like to meet:
Louche libertines, carnal communists, feral flaneurs, suave scoundrels, Godless gassers, femmes fatales, revolutionary rakes, burlesque Bolshies, high-heeled harlots, seditious strippers, fez-wearing freaks, gin-soaked Jezebels, urbane explorers, desperate dandies, ravishing Reds, Veronica Lake-a-likes, suburban savages, ribald rationalists, head-shrinking honeys, foppish freedom-fighters, wild wahines, working class aristocrats, bourbon-swilling beatniks, bunny-girl bombers, glamorous guerillas; hedonistic housewives, proletarian pedants, and inebriate insurgents. We will also take cads, finks, rascals, hussies, strumpets, bounders, rotters, drunks, roues, bombshells, philanderers, rogues and blaggards. Ladies who know where their waists are, gents who know where their barber is.
Non-reciprocation of messages or comments will be seen as blatant acts of rudeness and offenders will be forcibly ejected from this page. If you lack the capacity for social interaction, please move on, as we will tire of you within days.
We operate a strict dress code on this page (we kid you not): sportswear, baseball caps, legwarmers, tights, pretend hats, flip-flops, low-slung trousers, 'footless tights', and fur will not be tolerated. 'Emo' children and peculiarly coiffed 'indie' types will be refused admittance, hoisted by their saggy bottoms and hurled, crying like babies, into the fluorescence-reflecting puddles of a dirty London street. Bigotry and associated idiocy will be met with scorn and ridicule as we are so very tired of the dim-witted xenophobes that inhabit myspace. We may also ignore you just for using 'comic sans' font in your profile.
If you have a little rummage around our friends list you will notice that we have left comments on all of their pages but only around 2 percent of them have bothered to reciprocate. Please try to be a better friend than the majority of the useless appendages on our list.
If you haven't bothered to include a brief summary of your dreary existence in your 'about me' section please do not waste your time and ours by requesting our on-line companionship. You will note that we do not resize your comment images as that would be pointless and ill-mannered. We expect the same of you.
Please double-check all dates and venues as human error is a distinct possibility, especially if we've been at the gin.
Music:
The Sophist-O-Phonic Sounds of Sex, Savagery and Sin.We regard modern popular 'music' as a foetid abscess betwixt the sagging, scabrous buttocks of mediocrity. MTV is the rancid pus that issues forth from that festering hole; emo is the noxious miasma rising from the rotten ooze and hip hop, the bloated, nauseating maggot feasting on the whole wretched mess. We are the cure, the cauterizing iron of connoisseurship. We spit on your modern 'dance music'.
Movies:
The Thin Man, Odd Man Out, St. Trinians, Hellzapoppin'(terrible film, good dancing), The Street With No Name, Pick Up On South Street, Asphalt Jungle, Out Of The Past, Obsession, Pépé le Moko, School For Scoundrels, Make Mine Mink, The Green Man, Night and the City, The Killing, Doctor at Large, Love on the Dole, Rififi, Le Samourai, This Happy Breed, The Vicious Circle, Irving Klaw films. Anything with Sally Gray.
Television:
It would appear that if one so desires, one is able to view moving pictures of a lustful and explicit nature on this contraption; an activity which we wholeheartedly encourage.
Books:
The Sophisticate's Diary. Even though it doesn't exist in physical form because it was shunned by idiot publishers.
The Savoy Cocktail Book, The Esquire Book of Gambling, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, Modern Drunkard, John Willie's Bizarre, The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Das Kapital, The Bartitsu Compendium, The Cane as a Weapon, The Collins Gem Book of Knots, The Naughtiest Girl at St. Gertrudes, The Lost Drawings of Tom Poulton, How to Make and Trim Hats by Vee Powell.
Heroes:
"People We Admire or that Interest Us" might be a better heading: The International Brigades, Subcomandante Marcos, Jim Thompson, Terry-Thomas, The IWCA, Irving and Paula Klaw, Rosa Parks, Nikola Tesla, Robin Hood, Emma Goldman, Richard Dawkins, The artist David Wright, Edward Hopper, James Connolly, Anti-Fascists everywhere.
