Jack Alexander profile picture

Jack Alexander

There's no 'I' in 'Eat my greasy asshole.'

About Me

PRAISE FOR THAT BOOK I WROTE

"Assumptions are for queers... just go die in a pit of snakes you piece of shit. Philosophy is for people to discover on their own, no need for me to read about anyone elses ideas. I have my own. You come off as if you have a superiority complex... I wouldn't take your fucking signature even if it was signed in diamonds." -- Jonathan , 4-12-07

"You do know that using automated mail programs will get you banned from myspace, and legal action may follow? No warning, you have been reported." -- Ty , 4-9-07

"dont ever send me ne thing again." -- cody322 , 4-9-07

"im sorry but in no way are quantum physics and a religion tied together in any way and i am sure your book is a extreme attention getter since you are slamming ads at people on myspace if you could give me a way that taoism and quantum physics are together i would like to here it ! " -- Deviant N.. , 4-9-07

"thanks for spamming me, youre a waste of time and a hack author. actually i dont know, or even care. but i thought i would take the time to let you know how i felt about your random mail in my inbox. get a hair cut and get a job you wanna be hippie :)" -- ¤Jos£¤Jesse¤ , 4-6-07

"if youre such a good writer yuo shouldnt have to be peddling your books on myspace." -- Patrick , 4-6-07

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. IM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU AND YOUR EMO ASS BOOK! " -- Soft Marbles , 4-6-07

"you know honestly this is pointless send this to people who care" -- Noel , 4-3-07

"no" -- connie , 4-3-07

"book sounds cool, thanks for the spam douchebag." -- I ate you.. , 4-3-07

"Suck my balls and stop sending me this shit you cock fondling jerkoff." -- ? Greg ? , 3-30-07

"Fuck off and die. ...you are an extremely pathetic individual. if you were honestly trying to insult me, try to come up with something that would actually cause me some sort of emotional turmoil... Instead, all you have managed to do is brighten my day by informing me that you have a hemorrhoid that is sticking its swollen head out of your ass. You call yourself a writer? Pathetic. If you really were, you would be able to manage at least a decent insult. Furthermore, what i said was not an insult, rather, it was merely a suggestion to what you should do with your life. Trust me, it will make the failure of your book far less painful. Why would I want to buy your pathetic excuse for a book anyways? I'm sure I could write a book ten times better than yours in half the time. So.... no. I will not buy your book. " -- Robert , 3-30-07

"Ok i am exercising Discipline right now. I dont care. I will not go to the extremes of telling you how i dont like assholes sending me messages and advertising shit i get enough of that shit on my profile comments. So instead Find another means to advertise" -- Satan , 3-29-07

"Whore" -- Wordtwister , 3-26-07

"OH THEN, YOU A TOAISTIC SCIENTIST, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT" -- I AM THE .. , 3-25-07

"pussy" -- MAT , 3-25-07

"cunt" -- Patroc , 3-23-07

"i am not interested in your book. please stop sending me messages about it. i am reporting your message as spam." -- FENTON! , 3-23-07

"how are you doing ?i am a jamaican but liver in england for 6 years can you tell me about yourself?" -- Tasha , 3-23-07

hey, faggot, your shit sucks. stop trying to find a market THAT DOESN'T WANT YOU. give up now. go back to washing dishes. accept. your friend, nick -- Nick , 3-23-07

"Faggot!" I once en.. , 3-23-07

"your book sucks so bad i went out and read the fucking thing i could write a better book if i was tripping on acid while sleeping i would appreciate it if you were to never write another book in your life sorry man but you have no talent what so ever" -- matttttt , 3-22-07

"It's all about dicks with you, and I'm a minor, so you're just sick. And no, I don't want your hippie book. -- Danny , 3-21-07

"you look like a fag." -- Lucas , 3-21-07

"i don't care. don't talk message me." -- lynn , 3-21-07

"who the hell are you?? and who cares?" 3-21-07

"I am definatly interested in becomeing an author, i was wondering if you could give me any advice on it, i write on a couple of websights but want to take it further" 3-21-07

"shit sounds boring good luck though." -- hadda be .. , 3-21-07

"DISCIPLINE? More like, desperate. Dude, don't try to sell me something, sorry." -- Tessimistic , 3-21-07

"Dude this is fucking pathetic, if your book is decent then it will sell itself." -- Jen-Jen i.. , 3-21-07

"I think your full of shit and the only way you will ever know is to look in a mirror." -- Sarah Katherine , 3-20-07

"How bout I send out a mass email campaign through my CPA and marketing team, letting everyone know what a complete joke you are? It will cost me nothing but will do great for your sales I'm sure! Or you could turn that book you wrote sideways, sit right on it and spin" -- Misanthro.. , 3-19-07

"foul and perverted spamers must leave america.. you are sick spamer" -- ali pacino , 3-19-07

"fuck dude I got it the first 320493 times you sent it." -- Jenny-Ros.. , 3-18-07

"OKAY. I GOT IT THE FIRST FOUR TIMES YOU SENT ME A MESSAGE." -- Kristen , 3-18-07

"Maybe you should consider investing in a better maketing campaign other than spaming people who are using myspace for its intended use, social networking, not book sales." -- Scoot , 3-14-07


Jack Alexander. Really.
It just kept making clicking noises and flashing at me. I didn't know what the fuck was going on.
Does this page remind you of a reality television show? It sort of does, doesn't it? That makes me want to erase the whole fucking thing.
I hate myspace, by the way. Have I mentioned that?
I THINK I'LL TALK ABOUT MYSELF NOW
I presume, despite the false humility and the innumerable facades of platonic intent oozing from every crack in this place, that most of us are here to parade our proverbial wares in front of one another. So how many people can really transcend all this biologically-driven superficiality? I'm not optimistic. I don't even really know what I'm doing here... somebody said it would be "good exposure," whatever that means.
Go ahead. Call me arrogant. I've never heard that before.
I would ride my mountain bike anywhere, anytime, with anyone. Well, not with anyone. I wouldn't ride with a pedophile, for instance. And I probably wouldn't ride with Hitler.
I like going to movies alone -- something about anonymity in a crowd. Coffee shops. Meaningless sex annoys me. Gardening. Collecting old things... wood... silver, I love silver... Old leather, especially leather books, the way they smell. Reading. WRITING. Mathematics. Philosophy. Quantum physics. I'm what would happen if Martha Stewart took a lot of acid, grew a dick, shoved it deep into Niels Bohr's ass-pipe, and developed a copious sense of critical rationalism.
I live for near-catastrophic passion, and if I have an objective in life, it is to find anything new and beautiful. And I'm not talking about the latest YouTube video, so don't even try that shit with me. I'm having enough trouble even justifying my presence on this ridiculous site.
Fearlessness humbles me. Complacency and the status quo are absolutely repugnant. Few things appeal to me more than strong, independent personalities -- frustratingly rare though they may be.
Isn't it wonderful to endure this emphatic proclamation of how I see the universe, as well as what I will and won't tolerate from other human beings? It's so attractive, I know. Raise your hand if you give a fuck what I think.
So most people say they admire passion; they claim to thrive on it, but that's really nonsense, isn't it? The truth is, when you put passion in front of the vast majority of people, they don't know what to do with it. They try to endure it for as long as possible -- like sitting in front of a raging fire for a few minutes, until the heat becomes intolerable. Then they sneak off to the nearest cool, safe place.
This is the sound of a cynical Taoist and an incurable agnostic -- the seeming paradox of which undoubtedly confuses the shit out of most of the imbeciles who possess the temerity to subscribe to either camp. Christ...are such subscriptions even possible? Think about that and get back to me, because I've just confused myself, and I'm going to change the subject.
How about if I pump out some gratuitous drivel about how incomprehensibly "unique" I am? I love unicorns and rainbows, and I believe the key to longevity is found in crystals -- especially if they're hanging from the rearview mirror. I get turned on by people who post their "best" pictures on myspace.com and talk about all their wonderful attributes. If I could meet someone like that, I'd be done. Let's see... women hate me, and divorce me frequently. I own an investment company. I'm very impressed by DISCIPLINE, mainly because I'm in it. It is a fusion of ancient eastern philosophies, and modern philosophies of science -- inspired immensely by the work of Sir Karl Popper, and a bunch of other dead people. You can read about it at www.pacoahlgren.com. It's also heavily influenced by Carl Jung (dead), Lao Tse (dead), Chuang Tse (dead) Ludwig von Mises (dead), David Bohm (dead), F.A. Hayek (dead), Abraham Maslow (dead), and David Deutsch (not dead). I love theoretical economics. Not that you care, but I do.
Fuck it. Let's cut to the chase. Basically, what I'm looking for in life is a good woman -- someone who can cook and clean, and someone who isn't afraid of erotic asphyxiation. And she should be a goddamn good camper.

My Interests

WHAT OCCUPIES AND INSPIRES THIS DEGENERATE SOUL?

This interests me.

I'll tell you what else. When I'm not staring at spreadsheets until my eyes bleed, I run and mountain bike, a LOT. My doctor says I'm stupid, which doesn't have much to do with anything. I just thought I'd mention it. I love to play poker and chess, but I'm not very good. I love everything about my jobs, which doesn't make a lot of sense, considering how absolutely divergent they are. I love anything financial, philosophical, mathematical, spiritual, grammatical, and/or lewd.

I love to drink and I used to love to do drugs, but I think I grew up or something. Basically, I'm all about discounting cash flow, good tequila, and being naked in public. Some people have trouble reconciling this behavior with the complex subject-matter of my book, but whose problem is that, really?

I'd like to meet:


SHOULDN'T IT BE "WHOM I'D LIKE TO MEET?"

I'd like to meet this man. Enough said.

I also wouldn't mind seeing a round table discussion between Werner Heisenberg, Laoze, Sir Karl Popper, F.A. Hayek, David Bohm, and Carl Jung. But I would want them all to take acid first.

Music:

THE THERMALS. BAD BRAINS. Husker Du. Suicidal Tendencies. Peter Gabriel. Interpol. Long-View. The Long Winters. Patti Griffin. Shout Out Louds. Maximo Park. Pixies and their derivatives. Automato. Cyprus Hill. PUBLIC ENEMY. Robbers on High Street. Snow Patrol. Teenage Fanclub. Walking Concert. SILVERSUN PICKUPS. The Oranges Band. Soulive. Rogue Wave. The Real Tuesday Wells. The Streets. Matt Pond PA. Queens of the Stoneage. Led Zeppelin. Johnny Cash. The Dickies. TOM WAITS. Sufjan Stevens. Sun Kil Moon/Mark Kozelek. Kathleen Edwards. Miracle Legion. LOU BARLOW. 311. Bright Eyes. MILES DAVIS. ERIK SATIE. Helmet. Rage Against the Machine. Trail of Dead. Beasties. Jesus Lizard. Magnetic Fields. MATS. Decemberists. Brubeck. Dead Kennedies.Here's a picture of me, ex-post-crack-rock, listening to "The Best of Wayne Newton." That about typifies my relationship with the complex world of music and drugs.

Movies:

Who cares? Anything that shows penetration.

Television:

Nothing.

Books:

ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET.

Heroes:

Sir Karl Popper, Galileo, Da Vinci, Copernicus, Newton, Einstein, Bohr, Planck, David Ramsay Steele, David Bohm, David Deutsch, Laoze, Chuang Tsu, Ayn Rand, Ludwig von Mises, F.A. Hayek, Johnny Depp, Gibby Haynes, Larry Flynt, Booger Sanchez, and, of course, the Pope.

The Pope, backstage.

Sad, defeated Pope.

Pope showing a little bubble.

Pope pondering 4th Street.

Pope going home.

My Blog

"JACK" HAS MOVED

HTTP://www. ExperienceIsEverything. BlogSpot. comRead it.Join it.Digg it....
Posted by Jack Alexander on Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:33:00 PST

HERES THE THING ABOUT BEING A SEMI-JOTO

Here are a few things you should know about being hetero, but looking like one of "the gays" (that's what the old man calls them).   1. The more you run, the tighter your bread cakes become. An...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Tue, 02 Sep 2008 08:30:00 PST

TOP THINGS WHAT MADE ME CRY WITH JOY THIS MONTH

1. Being reunited with my fat cousin "Hump Nig." 2. The sound of my dog lapping Peter Pan off my corn stick. 3. The squeal of joy emanating from the fat girl in my bed who let me show her what a "Ri...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Wed, 27 Aug 2008 08:38:00 PST

I AM NOT A WHORE

I was riding down I-10 tonight, and I looked at the guy driving and said, "You better pull over. I'm about to vomit."He looked at his friend. Then he looked at me and said, "You better not vomit on me...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Tue, 10 Jun 2008 08:18:00 PST

I LOVE PLAYGROUNDS.

There is a playground a few blocks from our house, which is convenient when you have a child. We go there just about every day.   Modern playgrounds are nothing like the playgrounds I remember....
Posted by Jack Alexander on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 06:25:00 PST

IS THIS WRONG?

So I was running again.I came to a clearing on the trail where two kids sat facing each other. They looked like they were about 13. They were really cute.I decided to stop and stretch, and I watched t...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Sun, 27 Apr 2008 05:31:00 PST

I NOW HAVE TWO CHILDREN.

Has this ever happened to you?This afternoon, for lunch, I had two Creamy Beanerchiladas from Juevon's House of Spicy Taco, on Lamar. (For all you foreigners, if you ever come to Austin, you have to g...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Wed, 09 Apr 2008 08:08:00 PST

IS THERE A CAUSAL LINK BETWEEN LIQUID ASS AND VOMITING IN ONE’S OWN MOUTH?

Do you know what’s worse than Chili’s? Nothing, really, except when you go there because you don’t really have a lot of time, and you’re in a booth, and the family behind you h...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Tue, 08 Apr 2008 06:10:00 PST

HOW DO YOU GET THE HOSE UP THERE?

I don’t expect any of you fuckers to still be around, but I’m going to post this anyway, because it was such an un fucking believable story.   When I was in high school, for some re...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Sat, 05 Apr 2008 07:53:00 PST

PHILOSOPHICAL SEX IS GOOD.

...
Posted by Jack Alexander on Thu, 07 Feb 2008 07:42:00 PST