Ass Man profile picture

Ass Man

Midgets cry gumdrop tears

About Me

My name's Jerome and I'm a Fuckin Monkey-Robot, Yo! I like long walks on the beach, bathing with midgets and monster truck rallies. My favorite color is plaid and I play the kazoo. My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift. My neighbors have goats. I once got so high, I got into a fist-fight with a bowl of M & M's. I have a 5 inch taint. Blue, coarse, dirty, erotic, indecent, indecorous, indelicate, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, libidinous, licentious, lustful, obscene, prurient, ribald, risqué, rude, salacious, suggestive, X-rated, abandoned, dissipated, dissolute, easy, fast, fickle, foul, lecherous, libertine, loose, lustful, off-color, outrageous, profligate, promiscuous, purple, rakish, raunchy, raw, rough, salty, shameless, slack, swinging, unchaste, unconscionable, unprincipled, unscrupulous, wayward, whorish. I don't like pants. I tickle midgets. I make baby Jesus cry. ..

My Interests

I like to masturbate in a small enclosed space while waiting for pie to cool.

I'd like to meet:

Someone who understands me..someone I can curl up with beside the fire and do tequila poppers, amyl nitrate and horse tranquilzers with. Someone who likes demolition derbies and muppet porn and is comfortable with chaos, mayhem and insanity. NO WEIRDOS!

Music:

Foghat, Butthole Surfers, T-Rex, Spiritualized, Prince, Herb Alpert, Spacemen3, The Jackson 5, Black Sabbath, Hall and Oates, Roy Orbison, Tito Puente, Neil Diamond, Kinski, Sonic Youth, Ziggy, Iggy and Lou, Klaus Nomi, Pink Mountaintops, Perez Prado, KISS, My Bloody Valentine, Floyd, Zeppelin, The Stones, CCR, Neil Young, Kool and the Gang, Journey, DIO, Sweet, ELO and John Tesh.

Movies:

Deniro, Walken, Hopper, Crispin Glover, Steve Zahn, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Buscemi, Malkovich, Depp, Keitel, Ferrera, Cassavetes, Solondz, Sellers, Gilliam, Lynch, Coen Bros., Sayles, Jarmusch, Wes Anderson, Van Sant, Kubrick, Scorsese, Noah Baumbach, and anything with James Legros.

Television:

Simpsons, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Show, The Muppet Show, The Electric Company, Daily Show, Family Guy, Law and Order, CSI, On the Air, Curb Your Enthusiasm and anything on Lifetime with Judith Light.

Books:

Dr. Seuss, Tom Wolfe, Hunter S. Thompson, Kafka, Kerouac, Bukowski, Burroughs, Zinn, Sedaris, Michael Moore and Juggs.

Heroes:

Zero, Underdog and Mr. Rogers...

My Blog

63 Questions

1) how many people have you kissed in the past 6 months?Kissed them...where?2) What is your middle name?Trouble.3) would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad?My mom, but that would b...
Posted by Ass Man on Mon, 14 Apr 2008 06:46:00 PST

Best of Ass Man: Volume I

Where do you live?In a van down by the river. Wallet?Ham What's your relationship with the people in your top 8?mostly drug-related. What exactly are you wearing?a snorkel, tinfoil and Old Spice. If y...
Posted by Ass Man on Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:14:00 PST

50 more questions

1. What's on your mind?a sailor hat.2. What color is your shirt?I'm wearing a blouse.3. Where is your biological father right now?Re-recording Donovan's Greatest Hits.5. Which shoe do you put on first...
Posted by Ass Man on Tue, 12 Feb 2008 01:35:00 PST

50 Questions

1. Do you like blue cheese?Better than blue balls!2. Have you ever smoked heroin?I chase the dragon every morning.3. Do you own a gun?I keep it next to my Ritalin.4. What flavor do you add to your dri...
Posted by Ass Man on Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:35:00 PST

52 Questions

1.Someone knocks on your door at 2am, who do you want it to be?My dealer.2. Your boss tells you he/she will give you a $20 raise if you'll do your job naked. Do you?I do anyway.3. Your boy/girlfriend'...
Posted by Ass Man on Thu, 06 Dec 2007 01:50:00 PST

Survey Fun

copy and repost[goth]Do you wear black eyeliner? guyliner.How much black clothing do you own?  none...I prefer the colors of the rainbow.Do you think about death often? We used to keep in touch...
Posted by Ass Man on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

New Phone Number

If you need/want my new number, let me know!
Posted by Ass Man on Thu, 19 Jul 2007 09:03:00 PST

Some Silly Survey

Today:1. Wearing:a chicken suit and a strap-on.2. Better than yesterday:Better than Ezra.3. What were you doing two hours ago:Flogging a midget.Tomorrow:1. Work?I work hard for the money...so hard for...
Posted by Ass Man on Tue, 15 May 2007 02:31:00 PST

Survey says...

You have $10 and have to get food at a gas station what do you get?A pack of Old Gold's, a 40 of O.E., a glass rose and some Brillo.Who is your favorite redhead?Wilma Flintstone.What do you order at a...
Posted by Ass Man on Mon, 30 Apr 2007 08:37:00 PST

50 more questions

1. whats your name spelt backwards?redrum.2. What did you do last night?a midget hooker and an eight ball.3. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?gay porn.4. Have you ever licked a 9 volt ...
Posted by Ass Man on Tue, 06 Feb 2007 09:38:00 PST