J.P. Stix profile picture

J.P. Stix

I can tell you how you will die AND I can pull my ears off.

About Me

J.P. Stix was originally born Kimberely Tucker, III to Sir Kimberley Tucker, II in Native Alaska. The son of an English walrus poacher, Stix was well learned in literature and the arts. He was exposed at an early age to the now illegal radiation lamps used in the production of walrus jerky, rendering him unable to grow facial hair above his chin. Stix has not eaten walrus jerky since. "You can't find it anywhere," he boldly states. Stix's father fed the walrus jerky to their 30 something attack/sled dogs, twenty-nine of which were descended from the same bloodline as Sir Patrick McHufford IV's famous sled dog ShoeShoe! "We didn't know it, at first," reminisces Stix of his father's sled dogs. "It wasn't until after I found my father hanging limbless from the dripping tree that I was first made aware of the dog's descendancy." Always the quick healer, Stix started his drum lessons that day. "I caught on immediately, but knew that my life belonged to my twenty-something sled dogs."
I edited my profile with Thomas’ Myspace Editor V3.6 !

My Interests

I've dedicated more than 45 years of my life to the undeniable connection between Garlic and hair growth. The results are inconsistent, but are never the less definite. My second passion in life, after my sled dogs that is, is drumming. I also really get into movies and dropping acid.

I'd like to meet:

Dr. Sigmund Freud, Teddy Roosevelt, a real live pirate/vampire, Ginger Baker, and maybe Steven Seagal. Seagal's probably a dousche bag, though.

Music:

I'll listen to anything with a good beat.

Movies:

Showdown in Little Tokyo is the only movie I've ever seen. It's pretty good.

Television:

blue's clues, the pre-joe era. Pee Wee's Playhouse. Bonanza. Highway to Heaven. Spongebob. THe Gambler (the Kenny Rogers SHow).

Books:

no

Heroes:

Lewis and Clark. Walter Mathau (my half-brother R.I.P.). Dan Jansen. Alec Baldwin. Kenny Rogers.

My Blog

Another Necessary Dog Execution

Today I had to put down Tafter.  My mother's been living with me and he's been pissing on her bed.  The most humane thing I could come up with was to just shoot him.  I had my uncle do ...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 01:52:00 PST

Penis Pump Rash

Beware what you buy on Ebay.  Not all that shit out there is clean.  Something you buy on line could have unwanted bacteria.  Maybe ask the seller if it's clean before you start bidding...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Sun, 08 Apr 2007 04:45:00 PST

Letter to the State Legislator

March 27th, 2007Honorable Jeffery Harris[U.S. House of Representatives, Washington DC 20515]Dear Mr. Harris,I am a concerned citizen.  I have been an enthusiastic non-sex-offending viewer of soft...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Thu, 29 Mar 2007 02:16:00 PST

"I think these woods wanted us to find them. They've been waitin'"

Thank God for answering my prayers.  There's finally a new dealer in town.  His name's Deck or Dawson, and he has wavy blonde hair.  I saw him out in the woods this morning during my tr...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Wed, 28 Mar 2007 03:22:00 PST

movie review - "Spawn of the Sea-Man"

This week I received a bottle of wine from the Hallingstad Vineyards of Norway (that's the Scream guy Edvard Munch) with an invitation to a podcast premiere to view and critique Sally Mann's "Spawn of...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Mon, 19 Mar 2007 04:04:00 PST

Does anyone out there know how to make good acid?

I really don't want to risk bringing all the acid I'm going to buy across the Alaskan border.  Maybe if I had a few more dogs I wouldn't appear so suspicious.  Last year they didn't even bot...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 06:20:00 PST

Strength in size and numbers, and a positive attitude.

They kicked me out for the last time today.  And for why?  They had lots of reasons, but you know what?  I have lots of dogs.  Nobody does more for that dog park than I do.  E...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:11:00 PST

My nephew's still the fuck alive

Well, today proved to be more bullshit than I could handle.  I hate it.  Why is that every fucking time I go out in my Land Cruiser I always get a fucking parking ticket?  Or I hit some...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Sat, 10 Mar 2007 06:11:00 PST

oh yes yes yes

"Awesome.  Awesome." He says after he got four dollars for a zero dollar investment.  Awesome. He went into a pizza place.  "Give me the hottest damn pizza you got."  For free.&nbs...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Sat, 02 Dec 2006 03:15:00 PST

eee.myspace.co,

A sturdy pole that has never bent.  A law never to be challenged.  A promise    that was never broken.  This is a foundation- To once and fore all get rid of your hic-ups...
Posted by J.P. Stix on Sat, 23 Sep 2006 06:42:00 PST