Hello world, Mickey speaking here: We're cats. We’re not very smart. Most people say I’m the fattest cat in the world! Really guys, I’m only about 22 pounds! My sister Dante is a little more aloof, but is really a sweet cat once you get to know her. Confused about our names? We are girls. Jay’s ex-girlfriend, from whom he inherited us, was not very smart either and gave us boy’s names. Whoops! Our owner is Jay. Over the last 10 years we’ve seen some fucked up shit. There are a lot of people that should consider themselves very lucky that a cat’s testimony won’t stand up in court!
Us two doped-up cats and a suitcase was all Jay had when he moved to California almost four years ago. Now looks at us: we are Hollywood rockstars…fuck the flatlanders! We can’t resist the voices in our head that compulse us to move our master’s socks into the living room every time he leaves.
PEOPLE: WE ARE NOT LOOKING TO DATE ANYONE! WE’RE FIXED, SO YOU AREN’T GETTING ANY!!!
