Modern Day Caveman

Modern Day Caveman dot COM
I guess lets start at the beginning. My name is Ned Anderthal. I'm a billion years old give or take a few millenia. I was the first human being to ever walk the earth. First to piss and shit on it too. I've helped create some of the most important inventions including the wheel,fire,cheese,indian jewelry, and my most crowning acheivment... the George Forman grill. But of course I never received a penny of profit.
For as long as I can remember I always looked like a 50 year old bum. But that's the new LA Style. Speakin of the "LA Style" I once got my hair cut by Vidal Sasson. I live at home with my Mother. My current mother is the 894th woman i have convinced that i'm her son. I think she knows im not her real son but as long as i get her cigarettes and her lotto's once a week its all good in Hiz-ood.
I've learned not to have too many friends...I keep outliving them. I was married once... I'll never do that again. Women haven't changed much in a billion years. They're still dickheads.
I met elvis once,that was cool. I knew Jesus personally. I used to be the richest man in the world. I had two caves, 5 rocks, 3 wheels and a full set of tools. Those were the days. I've also been broke as a joke. I used to live in a cave that didnt have a bathroom. That wasnt good i use to shit on rocks back then. I ate a Dinosaur before. It tastes like chicken. One more thing... I'm the baddest mother fucker alive. Seriously there was a poll i at the county fair and i won. I Paid the guy off that was holding that poll have him a 5'er