Heroes:
Suggestions from the Child Welfare League of
America
Volunteer your time. Get involved with
other parents in your community. Help vulnerable children and their
families. Start a playgroup.
Discipline your children thoughtfully.
Never discipline your child when you are upset. Give yourself time to
calm down.
Remember that
discipline is a way to teach your child.
Use privileges to
encourage good behavior and time-outs to help your child regain control.
Examine
your behavior. Abuse is not just
physical. Both words and actions can inflict deep, lasting wounds.
Be a nurturing parent.
Use your actions to show children and other adults that conflicts can be
settled without hitting or yelling.
Educate
yourself and others. Simple support for
children and parents can be the best way to prevent child abuse.
After-school
activities, parent education classes, mentoring programs, and respite
care are some of the many ways to keep children safe from harm. Be a
voice in support of these efforts in your community.
Teach
children their rights. When children are
taught they are special and have the right to be safe, they are less
likely to think abuse is their fault, and more likely to report an
offender.
Support
prevention programs. Too often,
intervention occurs only after abuse is reported.
Greater investments
are needed in programs that have been proven to stop the abuse before it
occurs -- such as family counseling and home visits by nurses who
provide assistance for newborns and their parents.
Know
what child abuse is. Physical and sexual
abuse clearly constitute maltreatment, but so does neglect, or the
failure of parents or other caregivers to provide a child with needed
food, clothing, and care.
Children can also be
emotionally abused when they are rejected, berated, or continuously
isolated.
Know the
signs. Unexplained injuries aren't the
only signs of abuse-depression.
Fear of a certain
adult, difficulty trusting others or making friends, sudden changes in
eating or sleeping patterns, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor
hygiene, secrecy, and hostility are often signs of family problems and
may indicate a child is being neglected or physically, sexually, or
emotionally abused.
Report
abuse. If you witness a child being
harmed or see evidence of abuse, or if a child tells you about abuse,
make a report to your state's child protective services department or
local police.
When talking to a
child about abuse, listen carefully, assure the child that he or she did
the right thing by telling an adult, and affirm that he or she is not
responsible for what happened.
Invest
in Kids. Encourage leaders in the
community to be supportive of children and families. Ask employers to
provide family-friendly work environments. Ask your local and national
lawmakers to support legislation to better protect our children and to
improve their lives.
Stressed out? Wondering what to do?
It does happen. Caring for children is sometimes a difficult task. Discipline
is especially challenging. Here are some ideas that can help:
Talk about feelings. Take your child's feelings seriously and work through them.
Use firm communication. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Model the behavior that you desire in them. Children learn from what they
see and hear.
Encourage your children often and recognize each one's personal best.
Use "time-out" balanced with "time-in." Remember, discipline is a verb
meaning "to teach."
New
Parents
What can you do to relieve your tension when the baby cries incessantly? There
are specific ways to get through this time, and they're important to learn. With
extreme frustration, the temptation is to grab and shake the baby--which can
result in permanent brain damage.
Don't get to this point. Have a plan ready to help take care of yourself.
The first step is to let go of assigning fault in the situation.
"Don't blame the baby--she can't help it," says Katherine Gordy Levine, a
psychotherapist and author of Parents are People Too (Penguin Books,
1997). "Don't blame yourself. You are doing the best you can."
Levine, who has advised parents and been a foster parent, offers specific ideas:
Sleep when you can. "Priorities at this
stage should be feeding yourself, feeding your baby, changing her, and
sleeping," she says.
Use self-soothing exercises, such as deep
breathing and visualization.
Arrange for time away from the baby. Hire
a sitter, exchange babysitting, or call helpful relatives and trusted
friends to babysit.
When you are alone with baby and cannot
comfort her, put her in her crib, make sure she is safe, and without leaving
the house, get away from the screaming. Play comforting music or take a
shower.
If you're in a new place or can't reach
your helpers and feel you're going to become abusive, call or go to a
neighborhood church or synagogue for help.
Use a slogan to help you get them through
these times. "My all-time favorite is 'Now is not forever,'" says Levine.
She adds: "Be patient. You and your baby will survive and eventually even
thrive."
Almost every new parent or
caregiver of a baby has experienced a long bout with a crying baby. Some call
the baby "colicky," some call her "cranky," but no matter what the name, it can
be very difficult on even the most patient parent.
Information contained in this section is provided as a service to parents.
Readers should consult with professionals regarding their specific questions and
circumstances.
Easy Disciplining
"Stop that crying, or I'll give
you something to cry about!"
If you heard this as a child, you're not alone. What was once seen as an
acceptable way to speak to a child has, fortunately, fallen out of fashion.
But there are those days. Cranky kids who will be satisfied by nothing. Children
acting "spoiled." Kids pushing the limits of what they can get away with.
Whether the child is 2 or 15 doesn't matter. It's frustrating, even
anger-provoking, for a parent.
There are answers, and they don't involve special education or hours of
learning. Once put in place, they have a double bonus: they make parenting
easier. These ideas are not in a particular order; they all work together.
Take care of yourself. A parent who is healthy and at least
relatively happy is a better parent. If you aren't in that situation, that's no
excuse to treat the child differently, but take a look at which measures you can
take to enjoy your life more. This will help you be more patient and loving when
dealing with discipline.
Understand the environment. Children are much more likely to be
cranky in certain situations: very hot/cold weather, a stressful day at
school/daycare, on vacation, when there is family tension, when bored, hungry,
thirsty, etc.; and anytime their normal routine is altered. This does not excuse
any form of behavior, but put your discipline in context. If you've been at the
mall all day, your young child probably does feel like squalling. Don't we all
sometimes?
Give clear, consistent expectations and consequences. If a
child "gets away with murder" at a family reunion and then is whipped for
speaking up at the dinner table, he will grow up confused and distrusting of
adults--and, if spanked, is shown by research to be more likely to be violent
himself as an adult. Set clear, fair guidelines. Explain them in a way each
child will understand. Tell them the consequences, and enforce them. If you're
having difficulty enforcing them, it might be because you aren't consistent or
that the consequences are too harsh.
Understand the way children are supposed to
act for their age.
Save yourself unnecessary
grief. An example is trying to teach an exploring toddler by slapping a
little hand when they get close to an electrical outlet. It's all right to point
to an outlet and explain to a child that it is "very hot," and will "hurt" and
is a no-no. But childproof your home! Ask the grandparents to do so as well, and
expect daycare to have childproofing already in place.
With a curious teen exploring the ways of the adult world, why not lock up the
liquor cabinet? Or decide to have cocktails only when you're out to dinner and
never at home. Talk to your teen about drugs in a non-lecturing way. Be sure to
have that all-important talk about responsible sexual behavior. This
conversation would ideally start at an early age, as soon as a child begins
asking about her/his body parts. Many things for which we discipline our
children are easily avoided!
Encourage during the good times. Praise your child when he or
she is doing what's right. Don't overdo it, with a compliment about every little
thing the child does, or it will become less meaningful. The old adage is true:
it's easier to catch flies with honey rather than with vinegar.
Don't assume or use assuming phrases. A classic line is, "You
know better!" Most of the time, a child does not! Avoid general phrases that
parents have used forever. Explain your disappointment using "I" phrases,
telling how you feel.
Discuss the behavior, not the person. It breaks anyone's spirit
to think they are inherently bad. Imagine if you were at work and the boss said,
"It's not that the project is that hard--you're just stupid!" Yet we speak that
way to our children when we say, "You're a brat today!" or "Johnny is better
than you! Why can't you behave?"
Decompress before you get home. If you work outside the home,
don't let your work troubles, the commute and other hassles bring you to the
exploding point when you get home. Remember, your child has also spent a full
day in daycare or school. He has had stress, too. Let your home be a gentle,
safe haven for your family. That's the way to create warm memories and build a
loving family.
Information contained in this section is provided as a service to parents.
Readers should consult with professionals regarding their specific questions and
circumstances.
Help Your Kids Stay Safe While
Surfing On-Line
Children should never give out
their full name, address, phone number, or where they attend school to anyone
they do not know without a parent’s permission. Remind your children everything
about them is their private information.
Explain to your children why it is important not to volunteer information to any
company or individual.
Warn children that even reputable-looking web sites might not be what they
appear to be, nor as friendly as they appear to be. Explain that someone might
not be who he says he is ... Teach your children how to be web-savvy.
Offer to be with your child when he or she is ...
Investigate software tools that restrict sensitive personal information from
being transmitted .., and tools that screen out material you don't want your
children to see.
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The following are
toll-free hotlines recommended by the U.S. Department of Health and
Human Services Administration that may also prove useful to you.
Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD
(1-800-422-4453)
www.childhelpvillage.com
The Childhelp USA® National Child Abuse Hotline operates 24 hours a
day, seven days a week, and receives calls from throughout the
United States, Canada, U.S. Virgin Islands, Guam and Puerto Rico.
Approximately 134,000 callers are assisted annually with Childhelp
USA's abuse hotline.
The Childhelp hotline is staffed with professional counselors who
utilize a database of thousands of emergency, social service and
support resources. Since the 1982 inception of the Childhelp
hotline, more than 2 million calls have been received from children
in the midst of abuse, troubled parents, individuals concerned that
abuse is occurring, and others requesting child abuse information.
The child abuse hotline offers crisis intervention, information,
literature and referrals. State-of-the-art technology provides
translators in approximately 140 languages. (source: Childhelp USA)
Child
Abuse Awareness
www.child-abuse-blog.blogspot.com
This site was created to bring to the forefront the sad reality of
child abuse throughout the world in the 21st century. The site
contains blogs, information and links to other sites dealing with
abuse of all kinds.
Child Care
Child Care Aware
1-800-424-2246
www.childcareaware.org
Choosing child care
is an important decision. Good child care arrangements can improve
the daily lives of children and parents. In addition, children in
high quality care have higher levels of success when they enter
school. (source: Child Care Aware)
Lawyers for Children
www.lawyersforchildren.org
Lawyers For
Children is a New York City based not-for-profit corporation that
provides free legal and social work services to children in foster
care and to children who are involved in high conflict custody or
visitation cases. We have compiled a list of local and national
links to child advocates, government agencies and other
organizations of interest to our clients and their guardians.
Parenting Teens
www.parentingteens.com
Information and
articles for teen parenting, troubled teens, teen education, teen
boot camps. Also provide parents to offer their views about military
schools, boarding schools and parenting issues.
Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Telephone 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
TDD 1-800-787-3224
www.ndvh.org
Your support and
encouragement can be of tremendous value to a friend involved in an
abusive relationship. You can ease the isolation and loss of control
by listening, providing information and helping your friend to
explore options. (source: National Domestic Violence Hotline)
Missing Children
National
Center for Missing and Exploited Children
1-800-THE-LOST
(1-800-843-5678)
www.missingkids.com
The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s® (NCMEC)
mission is to help prevent child abduction and sexual exploitation;
help find missing children; and assist victims of child abduction
and sexual exploitation, their families, and the professionals who
serve them.
Runaways
National Runaway Switchboard
1-800-621-4000
1-800-RUNAWAY
www.nrscrisisline.org
Every day 1.3
million runaway and homeless youth live on the streets of America.
One out of every seven children will run away before the age of 18.
Each year approximately 5,000 runaway and homeless youth die from
assault, illness, and suicide. (source: National Runaway
Switchboard)
Abuse Survivors
Abuse
World (United Kingdom). Committed to
raising awareness and reducing the stigma of mental health; focusing
on abuse and providing information, advice and support.
www.abuse-survivors.org.uk/
How do I report?
If you are
concerned about the safety of a child and want to report suspected
child abuse or neglect, DO NOT MAKE A REPORT VIA E-MAIL,
call the national hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
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