My life goes on in endless song, above earth's lamentations. I hear the real, though far-off hymn, that hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife, I hear it's music ringing. It sounds an echo in my soul, how can I keep from singing?
While though the tempest loudly roars, I hear the truth, it liveth. And though the darkness round me close, songs in the night it giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I'm clinging. Since love is lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing?
When tyrants tremble in their fear, and hear their death knell ringing. When friends rejoice both far and near, how can I keep from singing?
In prison cell and dungeon vile, our thoughts to them are winging. When friends by shame are undefiled, how can I keep from singing?
LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE OF IT! I have always been self-sufficient in my life as I am a complete woman. I know what I want out of life and am the only one that can make my life what I wish it too be. I love interacting with many different people on the internet.Although I am totally Flattered, I don't play GAMES with LOVE or EMOTIONS, if I wanted to play a GAME, I would buy a MONOPOLY BOARD! I'm NOT looking for any Relationship, but who knows what the future may bring....
What Is Love?This is a question I have been asking myself for awhile now. It is a powerful four letter word but it does lose its meaning when there is no feelings there to back it up. You will say it out of habit and not feel it anymore because of numerous reasons. I thought I knew what it was but saying the word did not have the same meaning that it did in the beginning and once you realize that maybe all the reasons you married was not really for love but other things. This is pretty much why I think that my marriage didn't last.A lot of people fall in love for the wrong reasons. Big one is loneliness, they do not want to be alone so they will find someone close to what they are looking for and will tell them they love them hoping they will love them too and will marry them so they are not lonely anymore. Another reason is lust, they will confuse the lust they have for someone as love and they will get married because of that, never knowing if they married for lust or love. This kind of marriage will eventually breakdown because those feelings will change since lust is not love and lust disappears. You find someone and they fall in love with you and you think this may be your only chance to find someone to love you and want to marry you and no one else. This kind of marriage is eventually going to end or be very boring since you married out of desperation. These are all the wrong reasons to fall in love and marry someone. In most cases you are never IN love with that person due to marrying for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes you never realize this and stay married bored out of your mind wondering if there is anyone else out there for you. Maybe something life changing happens in your life that opens your eyes to everything that is wrong in your marriage and knowing no matter what you say or do, it will never change to the way you wish it could be or use to be.They say opposites attract but does that make a good marriage or will it last since you have nothing really in common? You need to find someone that shares your interest, likes and dislikes. It will make it a stronger relationship and marriage since you can do things together and understand each other better. Communication is the most important aspect of a marriage and once you stop talking to each other or one sided conversations then you realize that the person you dated is not the same person you married, it is time to think is there going to be a future together. People will stay together just to prove they did not marry the wrong person and will never say that it was wrong. That can be worse on you emotionally, mentally and physically. Others will realize their mistake and will seperate from that person to really think if there is a future together and in most cases they never get back together since they realize what they have really missed in life.The freedom to really enjoy these things without answering to anyone and not worrying about being home a certain time or pick when you can come or go is the real happiness in life. Knowing you have to be careful in life and not push yourself and take it easy. When you get married it is two becoming one and also through richer or poorer and in sickness and in health. I am trying to figure out what went wrong in my marriage. The one had become two and doing our own things and only doing things as a family ocassionally. What happen to being by your side while sick? What happen to helping each other by both working full time to make ends meet? What happen to helping each other and thinking of each other and not thinking of yourself ? I felt useless and what I did was never enough and did not care about how I felt or even cared what I wanted or needed. I changed and I saw things differently and realized what was missing in my life, I was not living my life the way I wanted to be. I have never thought of myself but always of others and put their needs before mine. I have always been there and did everything possible to keep things stable. That is not love but just existing and living day from day not knowing what the future brings you.I look at my parents marriage, 39 years, and cannot understand how it last so long. I never heard them say I Love You to each other or show public affection or even hold each other hands. You stay together not because of love but because there is nothing else you can do. So what does this have to do with love. Well what you do in life such as work affects every aspect of your life and make you realize when you do not have that support at home whether it is emotional or financial then how can it last.My thoughts on love are always on my mind and can never understand what it really is. Is it an emotion, a feeling, a thought, a word or every breath you take. Some say you can have sex without love but when you love someone you need to have sex to complete it. Yet others say you do not need to have sex to love someone and you wonder why kids today are so screwed up about love and sex. People will tell you they love you to get what they want, whether it is money, sex or something else. The word love is used for a lot of things and yet is it suppose easy to say or do? You can say you love someone without meaning it just to keep someone happy or get something from them or used them to get what you want.Everyone thinks they know what love is but then again does anyone really know what it is, do you?No matter how bad it seems, it can always be worse, so take life as it comes, it isn't like you have a choice unless you make it so...
I think that if I were to find a man for me, he would certainly be a man with honor, he would treat me like a lady, love me for who I am and be honest with me at all times. I am definately a one man woman and I would expect the man that I chose to spend the rest of my life with to be the exact same for me.I am a very passionate lover if or when I have a man that I deem as worthy of that Passion and Love. I am a Capricorn and I am very Organized, Passionate and Assertive in all that I do. I feel that if anything that is worth doing, it is worth doing well and I have never had any complaints in the sexual aspects of my life with men. I know that if or when I find a man that will love me for who I am, who likes at least some of the things that I do and we have these things in common to enjoy together in our lives, that man will know that he is dearly loved and I will devote my entire life to him both mind, body and with all of the passions that this lady can shower on that man.I don't want a man to take care of me, I can very well take care of myself but it would be nice to have a man in my life to love me for who I am and not for what he can give or do for me. I would love to have a man in my life, but I don't need a man to make my life complete. I make my life what it is and no man would change that. I always say,"I WANT a man in my life, but I don't NEED one".
YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ THIS FIRST BEFORE CONTACTING ME... LOL You know, I have to wonder... Would you walk up to a *Complete Stranger* on the street and ask them "Do you wanna watch me jerk off?" Probably not.... Then why do you do it on here??? Why do you assume that all Women/Men want to see YOUR *You-Know-What* and watch you do that??? You Disgust me!!! And if you're on here because you're UN-Happily Married and this is the way you get your Sexual Gratification - GET A LIFE!!! THIS IS JUST A COMPUTER!!! If you're Unhappy in your Marriage, get some Counseling. If it's beyond Counseling, get a Divorce and Quit Whining about it!!! Most of you People who have *No Answer* on your Profile under Marital Status, you are probably married, why don't you just be honest and tell the truth? I am not in the least bit interested in a Lesbian Connection, Younger Men or Married Men.And don't ask me if I have a Webcam! If I wanted to do *That kind of Stuff* on here, I would be making a living at it.You also don't need to know what color my Panties are and/or how big my BOOBs are. If I wanted you to know all that, I would direct you to my very own Personal Website with that sort of information on it if it were there, which it isn't. I'm also NOT Homosexual, looking for *Discrete Sexual Encounters* or *Friends With Benefits*, those types of relationships (If you can call them *Relationships*) are empty. If you've read this far, CONGRATULATIONS! Most people would have clicked out of MY SPACE by now. I don't play GAMES with LOVE or EMOTIONS, if I wanted to play a GAME, I would buy a MONOPOLY BOARD! If you are only interested in Sexual Fantacies, you needn't look any further because that is NOT what Saphire Rose is all about. And a little note to all you Junk Mailers, *On-Line Businesses and Scammers*.... Hey, If or when I wish to work from home, I will find the business that I am interested in myself. To you Nincompoops from other countries that prey on Innocent People - You ALL have the same lines of Bullshit and Pictures on your Profiles that look like they were taken off a Professional Modeling Site, we are ALL tired of hearing your CRAP about how your parents are Dying and Stories of Woe.... GO GET A REAL JOB!!!Now that I've posted all this on my Profile, I bet my *Unwanted IM's*, go down now by at least 98%! LOL
I prefer easy listening where I can relax while I am listening to music. I very much dislike loud and obnoxious music or songs that make no sense to me whatsoever!I like any music that I can understand the words too. LOL
I collect many movies and have several in my collection right now, but some of My favorite movies are Pearl Harbor, The Green Mile, The Last Holiday and The King and I. I love so many that I am sure that they wouldn't all fit here..... LOL
My favorite television shows are Bones, CSI, Untold Stories of the ER, South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Judge Judy, Cold Case Files and House.
I rarely take the time to read any book because I am usually off doing something else.
MY HEROS? MY CHILDREN AND MY GRANDCHILDREN ARE MY HEROS!
I have been big all of my life. There were several years when I felt that I was perhaps the most unappealing woman. I just resently came out of that shell to create this MYSPACE PAGE, it has inspired me to feel better about myself as I hope it does you to.I would like to tell you my story.When I was 34 years old, I had a divorce. After that I was never the same. I turned chubby almost over night, and even though I thought I was extremely overweight at the time, I was not. It was all about my inability to control my plummeting self esteem. What no one ever understood, was that my weight gain was not my fault.It wasn't all bad. I became the caretaker and bread winner of the family over night, but nothing could repair the damage that was being done to my self-esteem. I was the fat Mom, not the conventional one. Looking back on pictures, now, I really wasn't that big, it was all the way people were making me feel.I grew a little more every year. Most of the first eight years of my being alone, I was told many times that held my weight pretty well, and I had a pretty face, but things just never were the same.People look down on you for being overweight, even if it is not your fault. They think you're lazy or eat a lot, but the truth is, I have friends who are less than 150 pounds, and 5'6", and they eat way more than I do.Somehow I have managed to make it through all of these years alone, but it has been a tough battle laced with thoughts of insecurity and anger. I have had one serious boyfriend, but the only thing I got good out of that relationship was my youngest daughter who was born in 1991. I have overcome so much, with no support system. I have had to raise my four children alone since my Divorce in 1986 and it has never been easy.My point is, there is too much hate in the world, and I have overcome so much of it. I see people doing this to people and I get mad, but I don't know what to do. They don't understand that sometimes it's not that person's fault, and they could be damaging them for life.I am not completely through my journey. I still have issues, as I have a very dominant personality, but I am hoping things will continue too improve as they have been through the years. I am not out of the woods, either. bitter about it. I realize I am a pretty talented person, and a reasonably good artist, but that doesn't change how I have felt for many years.We are All looking for something because there is Someone out there for Everyone, be they Able, Disabled, Black, White, Big or Small, we might find eachother for the 6 C's of the Perfect Friendship or Romance, COMPATABILITY, COMPANIONSHIP, COMMUNICATION, COMMITMENT, CHEMISTRY and COURAGE! Keep looking, it is a long journey but at the journey's end there is that special someone for you. Be who and what you are! You are a special person as is every one. You must keep in mind that what one person calls needy, another person calls being close. It's never too late to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way. Take the time to wish upon a star and don't ever forget.... for even a day.... how very special you are.I am sorry to make this so long, but it really bothers me that people are so uneducated and biased, and it's all because they are uneducated about other people and their feelings. They look for the perfect women, and not women like me that are out in this world that are real and not so thin. And other women look for the thinner Men most of the time. It just isn't fair. Life isn't fair. I think we all have to sit back and realize just what is more important and focus on those things so that we don't loose track of them.
I don't think that I am whining when I say that I cannot make the journey of so many miles to go to an BBW/BHM event. I live in a vast area of Washington where these types of events are few and far between. Sometimes I almost think that I am whining, but when I think about it more, no, this is not what I am doing.... I am saying that someone that has been alone for so many years is just so caught up in her everyday life and hasn't a clue as to how to get out of the rut that she has created for herself. As I said before, I have been a single mother of four for the past twenty one years, I have not dated since my last daughter was conceived in 1991 and I am just not attuned to the modern day ideas and conceptions of dating, mingling and othewise the modern single's lifestyle. I am stuck in the older times when things weren't so complicated with STD's, Aide's and any of the other problems that occure with the open sexual behaviours that are practised nowadays. I am a very sexual woman and although being away from that part of my life for so many years, I have not forgotten that. I am one that takes responcibility very seriously and since I still have a daughter at home, I just can't bring myself to leave her alone either. I cannot just leave her at a drop of a hat.... Yes, I am stuck in a rut and yes I may never get out of this rut, but I do know that no matter what happens in my life, it happens for a reason. I am just thankful that I am here on the internet so that I can at least learn from and contribute and mingle with other wonderful people like myself that understand that it is not easy being me...... Yes, I am lonely but I am not desperate enough or brave enough to forget the life that I have lived these past twenty one years... Yes, I am lonely, but I am not desperately seeking..... Is there any chance of LOVE for me again? Who knows, if not, so be it.... I can except whatever life sends my way, I have been doing that for many years now. Whining? Maybe, maybe not. I do know that I am a Big Beautiful Woman and am happy in knowing that I am here with all you other people just like me that have common ground at least here on the internet.
Dunrobin Castle is located a mile north of Golspie in Sutherland on the east coast of northern Scotland. This is Saphire's Ancestral Home.