Hope (Esperanza) profile picture

Hope (Esperanza)

themediocrewhitehope

About Me

My daddy's white trash and my mama don't know who her daddy was, so my genetics are anyone's guess. I was born and raised in Southern California (my formative years in Echo Park - wearing my Pendleton’s and khaki pants, while the Cholos sniffed glue on the porch of our dilapidated Victorian, esse!) and lived there most of my life, save for my stint in Las Vegas where I lived as an alcoholic/train wreck of a girlfriend of a horse trainer-slash-doorman to a sleazy Vegas night club - in North Las Vegas before there were cool casinos off the strip and it was pretty sketch in the outlying areas. I am a criminal justice major and an attorney on hiatus. By the grace of God I passed the bar the first time even though I hated law school from day one. (strong mind leads to stubborn stick-to-it-tiveness, which leads to misguided excitement that somehow comes out as anxiety... or at least that's my excuse for Xanax.) Practicing law wasn't my bag, although entertainment law was the coolest job I have ever had. It was the big hair Sunset Strip days, so yeah, it was a trip. I write occasionally (and sometimes it's semi-decent)- I’ve written a novel and a screenplay and a book of short stories. And maybe some day I will edit them all enough to be ready for publication.I am divorced with no children. My ex is the very talented singer/songwriter, John Warburton, and even though he is an exceptional person and I truly loved him, our dark days didn't coincide well... we brought each other down as opposed to building each other up. But he's in a caring loving stable marriage right now with 2 beautiful children. Life has a way of working out. Never forget that.I taught Pilates, yoga, fitball and weight training classes for four fabulous years but am transitioning out of teaching and... fingers crossed, will soon have a government job. When the glitter fades, follow the benes...I'm both a good egg and a bad seed. I am secure with my insecurities and comfortable with being odd... like telling inanimate objects that i love them or putting on my right sock and right shoe before putting on my left sock and left shoe. I'm not afraid of being my dorky self in public because when one loses his/her child-like wonder, all hope is lost. I write in black ink, not blue, and get into a lather if the pen is fine instead of medium ink.The most important thing I have learned in a life of many mistakes... After the guilt and embarrassment have subsided, I try not to regret things I've done (as in Dante's Inferno, "To show what good came from my experience, i have to tell of things that were not so good"). Life is amazing. Embrace it even when you're hard pressed to find any joy or amazement. Remember: HAPPINESS IS LIKE PEEING IN YOUR PANTS. EVERYONE CAN SEE IT BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN FEEL IT. Peace.


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My Interests

I love extremes - drinking until drunken dialing/texting and eating 7-11 hotdogs is perfectly logical and then going on a raw food cleanse the next day; partying with friends and being incredibly sociable one weekend and being solo at a silent retreat the next; spending until i panic about money; picking at the minuscule until the end result is 10 times larger than it needs to be - just to name a few. Other things that interest me... Jesus Kitsch; Day of the dead; Black Americana; YOGA; broken baby doll heads with missing eyes; sock puppets; ahimsa; reading; the human body and how miraculous and amazing it is; monkeys; camping; weird things with time on digital clocks, such as when it's 12:34 or 3:33 (the holy trinity PLUS it makes my eyes blurry); nutella; Burlesque; a good, seedy bar with a dart board, a jukebox and a wanna-be Bukowski; skipping; kissing; snorkeling; playing in the dirt; schlock shops and flea markets; hopscotch; seeing how much useless trivia i can recount when I can't sleep; acupuncture; sushi; massage; meeting people; crazy wisdom; quotes; public transportation when it's more for people watching than transport; music; comedy; live theatre; enjoying the beauty where I live; traveling; playing with rocks; hanging with my mom; cats; the feeling after I have just brushed my teeth; skeletons; hummingbirds; circus freaks and carnies; tarot and horoscopes; lemon and salt; hands; lizards; things with big gnashing teeth; slides and swings; jumping on noisy manhole covers; taking a drive when there is no traffic; Jif peanut butter eaten out of the jar until I get heart palpitations; old churches and cathedrals, larger-than-life spirituality in all its many forms; not wearing shoes; tripping out in Austin and NYC; princess cake or any other forms of THE MIGHTY MARZIPAN - food of the gods... ................. "Love every leaf... Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will come to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an abiding universal love." - Dostoyevsky

I'd like to meet:


Any and everyone under the heroes section, but with one change... I'd like to have met my mama when she was young. I wish I could have helped her out during her painful childhood. Oh, and it would be cool to meet someone with lots of candy. And if all else fails, then someone for cheap, meaningless sex. I don't want to meet any celebs, but I'd sure like to be able to stare at the ones I think are hot without them being able to see me. Like through a two-way mirror for a few minutes or something cool and creepy like that. ;)+%$@(&)!*)*#&(&!))_+_?@ SPEAKING OF COOL AND CREEPY, CHECK OUT MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE MUSIC VIDEO FROM WHALE ON MYSPACE TV BELOW. LOVE CIA SORO; SHE'S BEYOND HOT AND COOL AND CREEPY!

Music:

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. " - Albert Schweitzer

Movies:

too many to name. My tastes run all over the place, like Jackass to The U.S. vs. John Lennon. I'd watch over again: "As Good As It Gets", "American Beauty", "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "The Holy Grail", "Maria Full of Grace", "Sicko", "Unfaithful", "Swingers", "Fast Times", "Spinal Tap", "21 Grams", "Crash", "When Harry Met Sally", "North by Northwest", "Requiem For A Dream", "Traffic", "Blow", "God Grew Tired of Us"; "No End in Sight"; "Little Miss Sunshine", "Gone with the Wind", "Plagues and Pleasures on the Salton Sea", "The Full Monty", "Fargo", "Lady and The Tramp", "Boogie Nights", "Volver", "10 Items or Less", "The Birdcage". And there are many more that I am forgetting to list at this juncture.

Television:

I don't watch TV, but I do netflick. I’d love to be able to watch the super hot drunken brilliant Charlie Rose, but he still ain't enough to make succumb to TV again.

Books:

I have a penchant for buying self-help books because some of them sound so excellent but truth be told... I am lazy and invariably put them aside when I realize that there is actual work to do. I'll get to them one day... promise.I also read those dark, addiction-type books and those dark madness-type stories like the works of William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, that whole crew. Raw & Real Prose and poetry by the genius Charles Bukowski. And contemporary authors like Augusten Burroughs and Chuck Palahniuk, and I even enjoyed "A Million Little Pieces" and "My friend Leonard" by that liar who pissed off Oprah. Some days I really like horribly depressing books like "Passing for Normal" and the like.Intelligent humor like Hunter S. Thompson and others. The Sedaris siblings.Silly humor like "The idiot girls club".I like non-fiction, historical, biographies, Latin stories, the classics.anatomy books, Pilates or yoga books and maybe some passages from Rumi or Buddhist authors like David Richo, Sylvia Boorstein, Natalie Goldberg and I am constantly re-reading Ram Dass' "Be Here Now." And, of course, all of the FROG AND TOAD children’s' books and of course, the Narnia books.

Heroes:

H.H. the XIVth Dalai Lama, Barbara Boxer, Barack Obama, Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Noam Chomsky, Sam Sheppard, Gandhi, MLK, Jr., plus the following types of people: Those living with a disability than actually live fuller, happier lives than able-bodied persons; immigrant families who work so damn hard to support their families, build communities and really love this country of ours; people who realize that agelessness comes from curiosity, love, joy, forgiveness, imagination, attitude, passion, love of learning new things every single day, and not being afraid to be an ass if they "screw up" or to look at the world through the eyes of a child; people battling (and surviving) their addictions; people fighting injustice in the world; those fighting for the environment; people who follow their hearts and who give with their soul; artists, musicians, writers, yoga teachers, energy and body workers; those who work with children, animals, the earth and the elderly; people who risk their lives to save others in any and every way (it doesn't have to be dramatic); street "thugs" who realize that they don't have to join a gang or whatever and use their courage to better themselves; anyone who struggles with self-esteem; those who can assert their boundaries without looking like a bitch or an asshole; those who live in the present even when in traffic, and last but not least, my mama.

My Blog

stupid halloween joke that you’ll trot out every year

In a scary parallel, I am like those women who on the day after thanksgiving and everyday until... make the conscious decision to face the world in a 'tis-the-season tableau by donnning their red and ...
Posted by Hope (Esperanza) on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 02:09:00 PST

RIP Simon Cat

Back from an incredible trip to LA only to find that I had been away too long... it was indeed Simon's last days. He was suffering from distemper, or, as the humane society lady said: "ballistic, scar...
Posted by Hope (Esperanza) on Thu, 11 Oct 2007 10:14:00 PST

SURGERY

In less than 2 days, I will be getting surgery on my left middle finger from a deep laceration I received from a dog leash on 03 April. The laceration required more than 16 stitches and my hand has lo...
Posted by Hope (Esperanza) on Tue, 08 May 2007 06:41:00 PST