To all of you that can be bothered to read this I am Steve, I live in Woodley. Most of my life is taken up making music but don't be fooled by the excitement I still have the day job. During the day I work as a lightening conductor fitter it's pretty much what it says on the tin it just means I get to drive around different parts of the UK and go on the top of tall buildings the one perk of the job is normally home by 2 this is good as it gives me time to work on my music I also own websites one is eight MP3 hosting site one is a electronic artist forum and the other one is about me they can be seen at
www.slotvent.com
Because of the music most of my previous hobbies have now fallen behind a bit but they used to include BMX skate board and heavy drinking the latter ones still applies sometimes. I have been on myspace now six years God knows how many profiles I have had since then but I'm still here.SOCIALISM :
You have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM :
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM :
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM :
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY :
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM :
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM :
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to ....yse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION :
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION :
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION :
You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION :
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION :
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION :
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION :
You have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk assessment, which only the government Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the cost of doing it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk under health and safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley. The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training course you must take to get your licence to milk the cows. You sell your milk to the supermarket chain that pays you next to nothing for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four times what they paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful they are to support British Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you and your cows know that it is not true and anyway the rest of the world have no intention of identifying and counting their mad cows so people in other countries don't know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell your cows to a Polish migrant worker and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at ...... They don't have a National Health Service.......but you are so happy and relaxed your health improves and you live to be a hundred.