Sorry, I would love to add everyone to my FRIENDS. But, the harsh reality of the internet & myspace has made me set some rules;
I WILL NOT ADD YOU IF
If you are UNDER 18!
If your profile looks fake or set up as a dummy account(ie.. only one pic in profile, cartoons for pictures, no personal identity to the page.
If your age says you are 39 and you look 12 I will not add you.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE THE MUSIC IN MY LIFE!!!
Stuff YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. Life is most easily understood looking backward-but it is best lived looking forward.
PRAYER FOR MY DRINKING FRIENDS!!!!Our lager who art in barrels,
hallowed be thy drink.
Thy beer doth come, I will be drunk,
at home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
and forgive us our spillages
as we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
but deliver us from hangover.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager, forever and ever.
Barmen.
AsSoRtEd NuTs & ThInGs
1. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
2. I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
4. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
5. Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
7 . I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
11. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
16. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
17. "Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."
18. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.
19. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
20. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
21. Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
22. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?"
23. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
24. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
25. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
26. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
27. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
28. The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
29. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
30. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
31. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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