HoWiE profile picture

HoWiE

I'm HoWiE - I drink and I write... go figure.

About Me

I'm a 12 year old trapped in the body of a 36 year old with a mind of a 50 year old who feels like a 70 year old. But other than that, baby... I'm oooookay!I'm a writer who has just had (the first half of) my book recommended to a Literary Agent in London so how do you like them apples! In your face JK Rowling! One day I may stop messing around and get it finished... maybe tomorrow then, eh? Read My Writing at WritersCafe.org
Read My Writing.. Okay so maybe a little more about me... Well, back in 1986, I was all set to choose between Art School and University to study Journalism. Then, the Royal Marines turned up at my school and showed us a video of Marines skiiing, hanging out of helicopters, abseiling, fast roping and attacking beaches in fast boats, all to a really great soundtrack. (Ever get the feeling you've been suckered?) So I presented my new plan to my parents who were more than a little taken aback. Owing to fairly good results in my mock 'O' Levels (which were more difficult than GCSEs, let me tell you!), the career advisor said, 'Hey why not join up as a Medic!' (Clearly they were on a recruiting drive for Medics... I know that now, DOH!) He then proceeded to show me the same video with a Medic hanging out of helicopters, fast boats, skiing and hanging off cliff faces (with an even more dramatic soundtrack!). 'Of course' he said, 'You'll have to join the Navy...' So that was that, I joined the Navy in 1988 (yes, I'm that old). 19 years later I'm thinking, how the fuck did I end up here? My time in the mob (including a lengthy stint as a company Medic with the Royal Marines) has taken me to the Arctic & Antarctic Circles, a shitty ditch or two in Northern Iraq and Turkey, a whole host of bars frequented by 'interesting ladies' throughout South America, North Africa, Europe and freezing my tits, off piss wet through and pissed off in such Hell holes as the Brecon Beacons and the Isle of Skye... I've thrown up and shat myself on the Syrian border, been held at gunpoint by Turkish soldiers, been chased by Cypriot Mafia, hounded by pushy Christians, lost a bet on a rather one-sided fight between a Camel Spider and a Scorpion and stabbed by Gibraltarians. I'm looking to serialise a few events on my blog that I will look to push out to a publisher one day, hey you never know, some one might read it! Today, I'm still in the Navy with only a few years left to do, I write as much as I can and providing I don't get picked up to play up front for Arsenal or get whisked away by Terra Patrick, I'll be looking to get published as soon as I can... watch this MySpace!I edited my profile at Freeweblayouts.net , check out these Myspace Layouts!
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Myspace Contact Tables
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My Interests

Writing - Reading - Painting - Sport - Beer - Music - Cinema - Travelling - Boobs and Boobs

I'd like to meet:

Will Ferrell - the man is a God. Steve Carell - the man is Christ to Ferrell's God. Simon Pegg - First choice to play Lauterbach Falhalbur when my novel becomes a film. Nick Frost - the man is a legend and potential Glenn Mahogany (look out for my fothcoming novel'Glenn Mahogany: Agent of God). Edgar Wright - the director for 'The Unlikely Chronicles of the Mysterious Mr Falhalbur'. (If not him, then maybe Ridley Scott).

Music:


Movies:



300 (Two-Disc Special Edition)
Crank (Widescreen Edition)
Team America - World Police (Special Collector's Widescreen Edition)

Laugh or I'll Shoot Collection (The Naked Gun / Top Secret! / Airplane! - Don't Call Me Shirley! Edition)
Kung Pow! Enter the Fist
Troy (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Gladiator (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
Braveheart
Event Horizon

The Terminator (Special Edition)
Crash (Widescreen Edition)
The Return of the Living Dead

From Dusk Till Dawn
Sin City
Old School (Full Screen Unrated Edition)

Anchorman - The Legend Of Ron Burgundy (Full Screen Edition)
Pulp Fiction
Forrest Gump

The Shawshank Redemption
The Crow (Miramax/Dimension Collector's Series) powered by frazy.com

Television:

Scrubs - Futurama - The Simpsons - Rome - Lost - Family Guy - Sports - Never Mind the Buzzcocks - QI -

Books:

Anything by: David Gemmell (who sadly passed away July 06) - Conn Iggulden - Poppy Z Brite - Valerio Massimo Manfredi - Koji Suzuki - Stel Pavlou - Mitch Albom - Chuck Palahnuik - Nick Horby - Maddox - Will Self - Paulo Coelho
The Hellbound Heart
Decipher
Lost Souls
Jonathan Livingston Seagull
The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream
Life of Pi
Cloud Atlas: A Novel
The Raw Shark Texts
Magician (Riftwar Saga)
The Eyre Affair (Thursday Next)
How the Dead Live
Of Mice and Men (Penguin Great Books of the 20th Century)
Lord of the Flies
Fight Club: A Novel
Clive Barker's Hellraiser: Collected Best III
The Green Mile
High Fidelity
After the Quake
Ring
Spartan: A Novel
Sophie's World: A Novel about the History of Philosophy
The Wasp Factory: A Novel
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Exquisite Corpse
Legend (Drenai Tales, Book 1)
The Alphabet Of Manliness
The Gates of Rome (Emperor, Book 1)
The Five People You Meet in Heaven powered by frazy.com

Heroes:

David Gemmell - Whose advice on writing proved invaluable, he will be sorely missed. Dennis Bergkamp - Pure genius. Dr Zoidberg - The Doctor we all wish we had... Homer - A God among men. Peter Griffin - Homer's 2 I/C... width="425" height="350" ..And of course the God who is Homer..... width="425" height="350" ..

My Blog

Waking up in South Central LA

  It's funny, last night I went to sleep in Plymouth, Devon and woke up, this morning, somewhere completely different... Going to work at 5.30am is always a bit of a struggle but imagine my surpr...
Posted by HoWiE on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 01:21:00 PST

New short story: Dinner with Christians

  Dear all, please feel free to cast a critcal eye over my latest short story - the faux pas of a drunken bloke at a New Year's dinner party thrown by pushy Christians.  It's adapted from a ...
Posted by HoWiE on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:55:00 PST

HoWiE's Rant 2 (updated)

  Hey Hey!!  I've been thinking over the past few days that I hadn't blogged in a while and that I also hadn't had a damn good rant in ages; hence I have combined the two.  I've decided...
Posted by HoWiE on Sun, 04 Mar 2007 04:16:00 PST

The Unlikely Chronicles of the Mysterious Mr Falhalbur: Chapter 1.

Well, dear all - here it is, another taster of my novel.  I'm rumbling on towards the end of the damn thing so I thought I'd post the 1st Chapter (following on from the Prologue a couple of weeks...
Posted by HoWiE on Sat, 27 Jan 2007 03:43:00 PST

Long awaited!!! The prologue to my novel

  Okay well here goes, this is the prologue (3rd draft) to my novel, 'The Unlikey Chronicles of the Mysterious Mr Falhalbur' (working title). I may yet change the main character's name as it migh...
Posted by HoWiE on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 06:54:00 PST

Yet ANOTHER new story and a warning!

Dear All!  Another new story, this time I've come over all Marquis de Sade and Edgar Allen Poe (oh wait... that sounds wrong.)  First a warning... the language is a little spicy - it is need...
Posted by HoWiE on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 04:14:00 PST

Slap Happy

  Now this is something I have given a lot of thought to as I appear to have had some spare time on my hands of late.  If you could Bitch Slap three 'so-called' celebrities without fear of r...
Posted by HoWiE on Wed, 29 Nov 2006 12:12:00 PST

New Story!

   Hello you animals... another offering for you from my 'Twisted Tales' Collection, it was one of the first short stories I wrote after branching out from countless failed novels.  &n...
Posted by HoWiE on Tue, 21 Nov 2006 08:14:00 PST

Oh my God...

  Just thought you'd all like to know that I feel like poo today after a nice 12 hour bender last night (alcoholic not the gay kind)...  It took me three attempts to sign into MySpace as I k...
Posted by HoWiE on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 02:59:00 PST

ANOTHER new story: Not Even Death's Foul Taint...

  Hey all, clearly I'm on a roll, here's another new story, a bit of a tear jerker, enjoy..... Not  Even  Death's  Foul  Taint...         &...
Posted by HoWiE on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:10:00 PST