I was born in a Sea World restroom. At the age of three I murdered my parents and used their pelts to make a penguin suit. Afterwards, I was taken in by my penguin brethren, where I learned their ways. They raised me to be their depraved despot since I was inherently evil...and devilishly handsome. I've been told I look conspicuously like Danny Devito as the penguin in Batman Returns. However, I assure you there is no relation. Unlike my motion picture counterpart, I am a true threat to humanity. It has been my lifelong desire as a disgruntled penguin rancher to raise an army of highly agitated and well disciplined penguin warriors. Why penguins you ask? I chose them simply because penguins have been scientifically proven to be the most blood thirsty vicious creatures ever to waddle the face of this planet. Besides, attaching rockets and mind control devices to penguins has always been a hobby of mine…So why not put my skills to good use and create a massive army of flightless birds to wage a global war against the despicable human race? FEAR ME INSOLENT MORTALS for I am a GOD...A GOD OF PENGUINS. Prepare yourselves for a bloody horrible demise at beaks and flippers of my mighty minions…
