ninja turtle pie

well i guess it's back to the drawing bored. i thought being sober was what i needed, and don't get me wrong i really did need to kick it down a notch or two.... or 10. but but as i have come to be sober i have also come to find out that there is much more to being happy than just staying clean and having a job and being responsible. because now i realize that addiction wasn't so much the problem more so as much as i myself am the problem. you see the reason for self medication is obvious, i felt like a worthless piece of shit and so therefore i got fucked up to escape from how i veiwed my self. of course this was only a temporary vacation and when i came down i felt worse than before. so the next logical thing to do was go get more fucked up, and so on and so on. i was trapt in my own cycle. and spun myself into a deep depression that i am still strugling to pull myself out of. and the biggest mistake i have made through all this was to think that i could do it on my own. well i tried that and yeah im clean, im sober, im making money, im getting my own place, and im focused. but that doesn't take away all the problems i had when i started using. those problems were there before i was an addict and they are still there now. thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, and a really good friend of mine im starting to go to Chemical Dependency Anonymous. because you may be able to get clean on your own but no body can sort through all the things that made them start using in the first place by them selves.chris thanks alot for being a true bro man. you really are helping me alot more than you know right now. im in one of the hardest times i have ever been in my life and it means alot to me that you care dude. thanks.Katie, i don't even know where to start. you have helped me in ways that you may never be able to understand. you have been right be side me through some really fuckin rough times and i put you through alot of shit over the course of our relationship and i am truly sorry for all the pain that i have caused you. but i am so glad that you endured and stuck with me because in the end you are the reason i am doing so well now. you are my inspiration in all that i do. you are my love my life my heart and my soul and i am forever indebted to you. you make me happy. you are are honestly the best thing to ever happen to me and there really isn't anything i can say to tell you how grateful i am for you. i love you and to all my friends who read this and are like "what the fuck is this kid tlkin about?" all i can say is that i hope someday you will see life the way i do.