Shiffer profile picture

Shiffer

Where's Me Fookin Food?

About Me

I'm Shiffer (short for Shit for Brains) OiYaFatB*stard (My surname I think cos Dad calls me by it often). I was put into this world to perform some very important tasks, namely eat, sleep, shit and to whore myself for ear scratches and loves. According to my vet, I am a flamepoint something or other, according to my dad I am a lazy b*st*rd - I think I will go with the vets opinion. I currently live in California, but I am moving to England next year, so those Brit Lady Kitties better watch out, cos my dad didnt have my nuts cut off (Yay Dad .... You Rock). I am a strictly indoor kinda cat, I checked the world outside once and found it was too hot, there were no couches or beds to lie on and if I wanted food I would have to catch it first. Upon considering this fact I thought "Fuck that for a game of soldiers" and I have been content with watching the world go by from the comfy side of the window. Oh, I also like leaving fur everywhere, if I didn't, dad would have no use at all for his lint brush.

My Interests

Eating - this is my #1 pastime and I am passionate in my pursuit of it. Next comes sleeping, I am currently working on elevating laziness from a skill to an artform.Boxes ...... I must mention boxes, I think I may have a fetish for them, cos I cannot stay away from them. See box, gotta try and haul my ass into it, no matter how big or small it might be. Licking my willy, this is something else I derive a certain amount of satisfaction from, mainly cos I can. I have also recently developed a thing for sleeping inside pillow cases (shams), I dunno where it came from, but it sure scared the shit out of dad the first time the pillow kicked him in the ear.

I'd like to meet:

Girls, I like the ladies, some folks think I am a bit of a charmer ....... to be honest, I only want two things offa them though, FOOD and ATTENTION. I also want to meet the bastid that invented showers ........... and rip his fookin eyeballs out .......... Do you have ANY idea how annoying it is to be in the middle of exploring the shower cubicle .......... then all of a sudden it starts pissin down with cold water. Talk about the ultimate in indignities, I had to fookin RUN to get out of there .... bastid horrible things showers.

Music:

Don't really care as long as it does NOT wake me up

Movies:

Anything that my human likes cos it means I get a lap to lie in and a free hand to scratch my ears.

Television:

As above, as long as it DOES NOT interfere with my feeding schedule.

Books:

Anything that is big enough to lay my fat ass on so the person trying to read it notices I have scratching and lovin up needs happening.

Heroes:

My dad, cos he feeds me, cleans out my shitbox, lets me sleep on his pillow (at least till he wakes up with a face full of kitty hair). The people that make cat food and cat litter, you cant have one without the other so they rock as well.

My Blog

My New Toy

So it's been a while since I last posted a blog and a lot has happened in the intervening period. for a start I got callously uprooted from my sunny California home, stuffed into a big red plastic box...
Posted by Shiffer on Thu, 21 Jun 2007 06:39:00 PST

Shiffer The Hairdresser

I don't know if many people realize this, but Sundays can be awfully hard on kitties - one spends a hard day sleeping then upon getting up to eat around 11pm, one finds all the humans in the house are...
Posted by Shiffer on Mon, 25 Sep 2006 02:34:00 PST

Oh Crap

So it finally happened .......... my dad sold me out ........ tomorrow he takes me to the vet where they are gonna remove my family jewels "Bawls" (oops, no pun intended there). Personally, I think it...
Posted by Shiffer on Tue, 19 Sep 2006 10:28:00 PST

The Ginger Magician Strikes Again

"Yawns" - so whilst my human was asleep last night, I got a little bored so I decided to practice my magic skills and I must confess to a certain contentment with my achievements. As far as making thi...
Posted by Shiffer on Fri, 11 Aug 2006 11:13:00 PST

Feeling Neglected

I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that the world is full of people that don't like handsome ginger and white cats, cos folks keep stopping by to view my profile, but ya ain't frikken adding me as ...
Posted by Shiffer on Wed, 09 Aug 2006 06:15:00 PST