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Slarty Bartfast

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My Interests

Music:

Please see functions of equation 1A and apply necessary modifications to all variables for the current equation's proper solution.

Movies:

Yes. Oh, I watch movies. So many of them I watch. Movies, oh how I watch your every move. For if you were not moving, a movie you would not be. I will not list them here, for I could not list them all, and if I missed one, just one, that movie will get sad and pissy with me, then avoid my calls, give me subtle guilt trips at social functions that I don't realize until the movie left the party, then I get it and I'm like "Stupid movie, I wish it could just tell me how it feels." and then it'll eventually kill itself and leave this cliche but gut-wrenchingly touching suicide note about how I let it down, then I'll go to its funeral, and its parents will be there, and it'll be reeeaally awkward, but I'll still want to go to the after-party thing where they have really good cookies and cake, but I won't be sure if the movies' parents will want me there, but then I think "It's o.k., its just food, and they'll get over it. It's not like I have to like that movie so much! I was young!" But the parents won't see it that way, and the movies' mother will cry and I'll feel really bad again, then I'll make it worse by being drunk while I'm there, and I'll eat cake all messily as I do in certain moments, and the dad will explode with anger, and then scream and go Super Saiyan on me, demanding that we duel in a manner most befitting of a movie's father that recently went Super Saiyan fighting a mammal that has in some way disrespected or injured it : by throwing the posters of lesser movies at each other until one is deemed "Not quite alive enough to continue the great and life-changing battle of the throwing of the posters of the lesser movies at one another until the other is branded with this, the most disgraceful title ever known."(translated from early Coptic). The father will be an even match for me, intimidating me with his giant, piercing Toriyaman eyes and long, flowing blonde hair, but he'll lose painfully when I break out the monkeytaco spina-bifida beam that I recently bought from an impoverished Armenian family in repayment to their rescuing me from Mt. Ararat's thought-stealing mountain goats. The father of the movie, twitching in a surging mini-city of laminated paper and half-hearted film slogans, writhes in horrible agony as the sharp, sharp edges of Matrix and Manos: Hands of Fate advertisements penetrate his countless puss-drenched, bloody bifidas beyond the beyondest place ever in the world ever that ever happened in the whole, wide world, +1. But as the last ounce of breath is breathed from his breath-maker, he summons the most horrific thing I've ever seen. I'd want to desribe it to friends later on in life, I think as I re-energize my monkeytaco spina-bifida beam, and blow the horrible creature into A.D. 235 on the outskirts of Rome (betting that the poor, starving Romans, themselves on the brink of total collapse, will throw poopie at the monster, and make its' life generally unpleasant), but it gets funding somehow from Maximinus Thrax and invents a time machine and comes back and then it kills me because everyone knows you can only use a monkeytaco spina-bifida beam twice in its' lifetime, and I really don't like being killed, and I would hope to avoid anything that results in my being murdered as long as I can without using a gift card, lest a magical Armenian gun that you can nonly fire twice (Well, three times, but everyone knows where the first shot went, I mean, that's the only reason that humans are able to breathe this horrid Earth air.) Long story short, I can't risk it. If you really need to know what movies I have seen, or which I would like to see, or am currently viewing, then journey you to the bottom of Batman Lake, and swimmeth ye to the underwater cave of Rubberpantsia. Bring some baby powder.

Television:

Yes. I like penguins.
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adopt your own virtual pet!

Books:

Kafka on the Shore, Naked, Hop on pop, I think I can, The wind-up bird chronicle, Sputnik sweetheart, Life of Pi, Pi, Phi, The phantom tollbooth, Magic Mountain, Misery, A confederacy of Dunces, Why triangles will save the planet, The barefoot doctor's manual, The parrot Mountain Handbook, Hitch-hikers Guides, Tietam Brown, poop.

Heroes:



I edited my profile with Thomas’ Myspace Editor V3.6 !

No, Thomas lies. Stop lying, Thomas.

My Blog

Not dead.

Nope, I'm not dead. Many of you wish otherwise, and that's ok.I must have seemed evil to some.Maybe some think I enjoyed what I was doing.That it was fun, or something.     &n...
Posted by Slarty Bartfast on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 07:51:00 PST

FUN WITH STEAK


Posted by Slarty Bartfast on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST