Mayor McCheese

I've never been in love. But more to the point and to the edemic heart of the matter, no one has ever loved me. And there are days, and certainly seemingly interminable nights, when hope begins to wane, and I choke on a miasma of futility. Sometimes I'll have the dream (always in sepia) where I am somehow slowly skimming across the ocean floor when I suddenly come to a stop and before me sits a shadowy figure at a table and chair with his head in his hands and I ask him where I am and he replies, "Home." And then I realize that the figure is me and that I've just absorbed 175ml of Johnny Walker Blue Label and that where my eyes should be there are two grey holes. Whatever. My memory is for shit. I don't remember anything of my childhood. Much of everything about me is simply and irrevocably lost ("... like tears in the rain"). I do, however, recall a time when I had my dignity intact. I do remember what real power tasted like and that I once knew how to garner respect from my peers. Perhaps it is the absence of these things that has made me what I am. And perhaps it is the constant, cruel remembrance of this past life that leads my hand to the bottle, my dreams to the bottom of the sea. I lied - I've been in love before. Her name was Birdie the Early Bird. (I forcibly sodomized her in front of several handicapped children ... it was awful.)