THE LOVE OF A FRIEND

To all,
Its been a rough couple of days since learning about LeAnne's passing on. I know a lot of you did not know her, and were not afforded the oportunity to know her.

I would like the chance to do that now. Though she has passed on, her memory is in all of us that loved her so very dear.

Leanna's myspace page can be found here: http://www.myspace.com/DidIleavetheovenon
She is my #1 friend on MySpace.
....
This is my way to acknowledge a woman that I loved very much.
...
I honestly don't remember who initiated contact with who any more. I would believe it was me, but knowing her it could have just as easily been her. I met LeAnne when she first started her account on MySpace early last year. Her initial attempts on MySpace was to accumulate as many friends as she could just to see that she could do it. She reached well over four thousand if I recall correctly. In those days, it may have taken her several days to respond to a mail if she managed to see it at all. Sometimes I had to send my replies to her several times trying to make it through all the rest of her mail since she'd bug me for a reply hehe :)

When she reached her tolerance threshold she started clearing them out en masse. Her friends numbers dwindled down to around 1600, and held there for a very long time.

Her and I talked about this once. The whole reason for trying was because she never felt that many people wanted to know her being who she was and where she had grown up. She didn't feel like a person that people really gravitated towards, but more or less felt repelled. The shear joy of being able to accumulate such a vast number of friends made her feel better than any of you may ever know. It was a validation for her that she was a very likeable person. Small insecurities that not everyone may have known about her.

We spent many nights talking at length about life and love. She was very much not into guys because of some of the things we had discussed and I do wish to keep that private. At one point, we discussed sharing a life together... She was trying to make a choice between me and Adam. I was in the middle of my divorce at that time. I didn't want to muck up anything because I couldn't figure out exactly what I wanted nor did I feel it fair to her to be in such a state of confusion. She would tell me about the poems that Adam had been writing her every day, and I knew him through her to be a good man. I stepped down, didn't let her choose. I made the choice for her, and told her why. I made it very clear to her how much I did love and want her, but that now was not the time. I wanted her to have the best and told her that was Adam right now, it couldn't be me no matter how much I wanted to be that person. I honestly don't know how that ever went, because from there our relationship changed a bit. Love still flowed freely between us, but there was no longer a need for that kind of love any more. In fact, we grew even close because of it.

I kept out of her love life after that, we just talked about life :) It was good for a while. She had a lot of hopes, always asking for direction and I'd give advise and warning of the advice on what I could. She really wanted to join the FBI when she finished out at University of Washington and wasn't sure what she to do because of people giving half assed information. Did all I could to guide her to that goal.

Then she lost a very close friend, Jessi, that was coming to visit her in July. There was a lot of confusion around the death. At first she thought Jessi to be hoax and so on because of so many things that happened to Jessi's page when she didn't make it to Seattle to visit her. LeAnne got removed from Jessi's profile. We couldn't find any obituaries or traffic accident reports to validate the story. After a few days of nerve wrecking agony, Jessi's family starting writing to LeAnne telling her how much she had meant to Jessi. However, LeAnne was distraught because she had doubted Jessi and she was a real mess once everything settled down and all things were accounted for. And I had to reaffirm a promise to never drink and drive, which I would have never done any how :) She had also asked me to not die for a very long time. She couldn't stand to lose another friend like this. One of her more subtle compliments. My response:

As for dying... thats something that I have no control over, love... No one really does unless they plan on doing it to themselves. That I have no intentions of, there is too much for me to want to keep living for. You being one of them :)

and her response:

Thank you sweetie I love you for putting up with me thu this. I will chat with you tonite. I need to go cry some more

For a time she seemed ok. She introduced me to a few new people. It was one of the things she loved doing, getting her friends to know each other. One of them turned out to be Adam Sandler :) Surprised that I've even had a few conversations with him since. Helped her deal with a few screw balls, particularly ones that couldn't grasp the concept of friendship and automatically assumed being nice meant you had to date them or you were a tease. That kind of crap.

She was always checking up on me to see how I was doing too :) Always made me feel special. Let me share one with you:

Hey Robin,
How are you doing today? I just saw you were in myspace and thought I would stalk your page for a minute. LOL

Hope you have a great day at work, well as good as it can be anyway. Just thinking about you. Cheer up. Things will get better.

Love ya bunches
LeAnne

She was a nut :) She'd push herself to the limits all the time. Not just with life but herself. 37 hours and 10 red bulls? Come on, love!!! lol

I think the best thing to have happened since Jessi was getting Stephanie, her little sister, involved into her world on MySpace. We helped Stephanie set up her own myspace page and watched her run rampant with it :) I got involved in their sibling battles, God knows how I got sucked in and Steph kept using my evil jokes in reality. Steph, come on... you know I was only joking when I said to put nair in her shampoo!!! You got me into SOOO much trouble with that. Though not as bad as the nipple thing... lord She promised to whoop me for that one! *sigh*

I asked her once:

So why are you and your sister being so evil to one another lately any how?

She said:

Cause we are sisters. She starts something and I have to finish it. She is not having fun right now. It really stinks in here and I heafr a fuck you bitch and an OH shit coming from the bathroom every once in a while. She knows not to mess with me. She still does it anyway. Was the Nair your idea. I could have gone bald. That would have sucked. She will never forget the day she put Nair in my conditioner and I bet you she will never do it again.

Hell I could have taken the tp away. I have a little heart left in me. LMAO

Steph, that was the night you tried the Nair, and she put Exlax in your drink... How little I understood that last comment until later...

Stephanie, if you ever doubted your sister loving and being protective of you remember the perv that tried to add you to friends and the vendetta she went on to destroy this guy. Remember that she even wanted to get a warrent to read his email to nail his ass and turn him into the authorities for being a pedophile.

Then there was the loving "If you saw me naked in your bed" mails :)

From: LeAnne
Date: Aug 13, 2006 5:46 PM

What would you do
1) go back to sleep
2) slap me
3) cuss me out
4) jus tell me to leave
5) climb on top of me and cuddle
6) fuck me .... DETAILS PLEASE !!!
7) go down on me
8) make me breakfast
9) ask me my name (lol)
10) call the law
11)make love to me until we get tired "
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From: W@KK0
Date: Aug 13, 2006 9:19 PM

..5-8 & 11. ;)
If you want details on 6... gotta tell me the same or else LOL

*hugs*
do the same for me? What would do you if you saw me naked in your bed?
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From: LeAnne
Date: Aug 14 2006 1:21 AM

11 till we dropped dead

There was more to this, but I feel that is more private than the fun posted above.

For a while, I lost track of her for several days at a time while she went on drinking binges trying to drown her pain out about Jessi... when she was ready, she'd come back to me to cry and talk... It was a very difficult time for her to understand what had happened, or even why. Anyone who knows me knows how much I wanted to help, and did all that I could. In some perspective, I feel that this is very much like we all feel right now that we've lost LeAnne.

Things flew by for a bit as both of us got way to busy in our own lives... It was a concerted effort for either of us to keep in touch and we did, but interaction was way down because neither of us had much time... Cueball. Something only she and I would understand :)

Then in November, Stephanie dropped a bomb on me so hard my heart skipped a few beats and I wasn't sure if it was going to ever start again. LeAnne had collapsed and required heart surgery to replace her failing heart that she not once told me of. I would have never thought this woman to have had any serious health problems so early in her life... I sat on the edge of life for days waiting to hear back from her, not just from Stephanie who so patiently would answer my questions :) LeAnne came around, but seemed her memory was a bit shot. I didn't care, just glad she was alive and ok. So was she :)

She asked me to come to Seattle to see her. I thought she was getting better, and I had time. I explained about my plans to go home for Christmas and why. How it would eat up all my leave and that I had hoped by June, I'd have enough time saved up again to go see her :) She liked that.

Then she started posting about her surgery. Letting the rest of the world know how she was doing, and the incredible expense that had been incurred. She jokingly was willing to sell herself off to someone who could assume her debt with the phrase:

Any ritch man want a good wife??? I give awesome head!!!!

From: W@KK0
Date: Nov 16 2006 8:52 AM

I'll take ya ;) Debt or not hehe, but that was established long long time ago, love ;)"
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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Nov 16 2006 3:24 PM

Oh, Rob... I'd never want to drag you into this mess my life has become. I been on the news. KOMO TV 4. The local ABC station did a story on all this. Being on a bypass machine for almost 4 days makes a good story I guess. They opened an account at Washington Mutual and people are donating lots of money for me to pay for all of this. You want to know the messed up thing about all of this. I wason my parents insurance till I was 22 cause I was a full time student. They dropped me the day I turned 22. One week before this all happened. That is fucked up if you ask me!!!!! Anyways, I am hungery.

Love you

LeAnne

Since she told me that tidbit, something good clicked in all my vast accumulated knowledge of trivial shit...

From: W@KK0
Date: Nov 16 2006 12:13 PM

Well, you don't get much say in whether or not I'd get dragged into it ;) If I am willing to live with it, let me hehe. However, since our relationship isn't there right now, I think you're in total control of that hehe. Just saying ;) Its my choice if I want to deal with your problems and make them my own, love. I would in a heart beat, if you really needed and wanted all of me, not just to take care of the bills ;)

That timing does seem really messed up, dear. Perhaps.... Can you sign up for COBRA? I know that sounds insane, BUT!!! Cobra has a 60 day backlog for signups... you're well within that hole... get COBRA forced coverage (BY LAW!!!!) pay the $500 premium for that month, and get the last insurance company to still pay for your medical (through the COBRA)... I'm extremely serious about this, love. If you can get COBRA qualified right now, this will make this problem go away NOW!

Always loving you,
Robin
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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Nov 16 2006 5:57 PM

I will pass that on to Stephanie. I can't do much in the hospital. But it will give her something to do and out of my hair..
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From: W@KK0
Date: Nov 16 2006 12:13 PM

LOL slipping back into old self pretty quick, hon ;) Just don't let her use any more nair :D
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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Nov 17 2006 5:13 AM

No not at all. Steph has just gotten to clingy since this all happened. I been waking up in the middle of the night. Finding her curled up next to me. She should be at home. Ya I know but still. I just need a break. From all of this. A nice vacation. Someplace far far away..

And yes you were very clingy, Stephanie. There was nothing wrong with it :) You were doing all the things I wanted to be doing, and even though she was overwhelmed with it, she did apprecaite it :)

From: W@KK0
Date: Nov 17 2006 4:16 PM

Well the only thing I could offer is Jamaica in Jun lol
Sis wants to get married there, and I'm not sure I wanna go without someone :) Thats just me....

God today sucked. Woke up this morning sick, slept through most of it. Just not waking up at 6pm at night, trying to find some energy to do something productive today.
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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Nov 17 2006 8:50 PM

Jamaica you say. You got me thinking about something. I can never ware a bikini again. I got 73 staples going up my chest. Going to be a huge scare. Wonder what a plastic surgery costs.

Jamaca sounds good tho. Not sure what June will bring tho. My life is kind of up in the air for now. No FBI. No school. Just a kind of wait and see holding pattern. See if my body rejects my new heart or not.

LeAnne
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From: W@KK0
Date: Nov 17 2006 5:21 PM

I don't care...
*lovingly kisses everyone of the 73 staple marks on your chest*

You can wear what ever you want, and if people stare, thats their problem, because you will always be beautiful to me, love.

@)~~~~

Take things one step at a time, love... we can't get there by running from the start. Each of us has to learn how to crawl before we can walk before we can run :)

I love you, always will.
Robin

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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Nov 17 2006 9:28 PM

Ahh thankyou Rob. That was sweet. It just looks gross now. I'm sure it will look a lot better once they come out. I guess it could be worse. I could be blond. EEEK!!!!!!! No!!!!!! LOL

At least that got the ball rolling to get COBRA to cover her costs... They had piled up to inexcess of over $500K in medical costs because of her not being covered. COBRA fixed that, thankfully. Though I've not heard the specifics on how much it fixed. I pray it did all as it should have.

And then Steph... you had to go piss people off and get your account deleted. The fight she put up for your account and then helping you put it back up :)

With that came the general shout out to try to get Stephanie attached lol :)

From: New heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Dec 8 2006 6:21 AM

We made her a new page. Add her back if you want. She is #1 on my friends list. Any bets on how long this page lasts before she pisses someone else off??? Some of these crybabbies really need to meet my little sister in person. Anyways. Steph is back with tons more pictures and attitude. She turns 18 on the 29th.
Any takers???

LeAnne
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From: W@KK0
Date: Dec 8 2006 4:47 AM

Nah... I still just want you ;)
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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Dec 8 2006 1:36 PM

LOL go look at her picture she has up. My little sister is so hot she has smoke coming off her.
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From: W@KK0
Date: Dec 8 2006 11:14 AM

She's cute, I'll give you that, love. But no one comes close to you ;) Never will. Thats probably what helps her the most is that she's related to you and some how absorbed some of it from ya hehe :D

Just kidding. Gotta love your parents. They made one hell of a beautiful woman with you.... not too bad with her either :D
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From: New Heart. Same LeAnne....
Date: Dec 8 2006 3:19 PM

No, Guys, a one track mind....

She has smoke coming off of her.

That was the last time we really could talk... I talked mostly through Stephanie at that point. Everything sounded good, though we were all worried. Literally chomping at the bit, hoping and praying you were recovering. She was scared and uncertain. Stephanie was afraid her rock was gone because of the confusion in LeAnne. Her sister, her solid foundation in life.

Then, she pulled another doozie on us all. She walked out of the hospital in the middle of the night and disappeared. For two days, everyone was frantic till they found her passed out. What a mixed relief to find her but to find her in that state!! God...

Dec 19, she went home. I took that as a blessing. I believed if she's going home, she was well enough and recovering. I went home to Florida to see my family that I had missed so very much believing, my LeAnne was getting better. I thought I had time... I thought I'd have a long deserved rest from the hell at work and life, that I could come home with a new start.

Then Stephanie sent me the message that LeAnne had passed away in the middle of the night on Jan 02, 2007 at approximately 3:42am. At first, I thought Stephanie was pulling a cruel joke... but then... Oh God!!! Questions... so many questions!!! What, why, how, what the fuck!?!?!?

From Stephanie:

She said nothing. Just lay down. Kissed my cheek and putting her arms around me she went to sleep. She died about 2 hours later they think.

Stephanie swamped as she has been since, did her best to explain to me, to explain to everyone. The more we sit and talk the more we understand some things.

LeAnne knew she was going to die. Not the kind of certainty you get when you face death and walk away. The kind that you face death and have been dealt a very short repreive to set things in order before you pass on. She didn't want anyone to know. She knew how we all would react, and did her best to fight for every living moment. She saw Christmas, Stephanie's 18th birthday, one of her favorite place on Earth one last time, spoiled the hell out of her sister ever minute that she could, and came with us into the New Year... They found her will under her pillow dated 18th Dec, 2006.

The doctors have taken her body to find out why she died. There has been some accusation that they think it might have been suicide. However, there is enough burden of proof in my mind that the doctors fucked up when they left her chest open for five days in the hospital giving her an infection inside her chest before they closed her back up. Either way, she fought to come home on the 19th. She had to have things her way and she had to be with Family :)

Her family is taking her back to Ireland as soon as they can. It will be a quiet family funeral. In time, I will make my way there and I will pay my respects when I'm ready to face that.

I will update as I find out more about what's going on.
____________________________________________________________ ______________________________

LeAnne came into my life when I needed some one very much. She filled a void that no one else ever could. Though she's gone that void hasn't really come back. I'm broken and I'm in and out of tears through out the day when I think about everything and her... I hate myself sometimes for passing up a life with her, but I know I did right not just by me, but by her too. I hate myself for not coming to see her, but I know my parents needed me too. I don't know how long one of them may still be on this earth, and wanted to make the most of that time. I did. I wish I had an answer that would have given us sometime together, not that it would have changed anything, but to at least know that I let her know before she passed on that I was there for her in person, not just in spirit.

I can feel her around me from time to time. I know she's watching over us that loved her so very much.

Though our lives never physically touched. She touched me more than any other soul ever has. I am reluctant to let her go; yet, but know she needs it. She's alive in me, in all of us that loved her.

Her life is gone. The world seems a much darker place without that bright light guiding the way for so many of us, specially for me. She lived a good full life, and in the end she knew what was important to her, and she took care of them. She can not continue to help some of us in this realm. However, she has done all she could to reach beyond and make sure the ones she loved were taken care of in as much as she could.

OK I know I'm rambling! lol... She didn't want us to be so sad, but its hard to get over it. We must cherish her passing as we cherished her life, in laughter and love. That is what she always wanted for us, what I always felt she wanted for me.

This is my LeAnne.

This is my Rose of Roses.

I will always love you

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From: Tinkerbell
Date: Jan 7 2007 4:09 PM

Before I get to why LeAnne died I want to tell you all something. Not all of you but her true friends. Your love for my sister has touched the Dover family in ways you could never imagine. My family missed the last 5 years of her life. (their choice) Long story short. When LeAnne told my family she was gay. It was not a good reaction. When they left her here and moved back to Ireland they left her here. That is the deep family secret she kept from the world. She never really talked about it. When they moved back they left a scared senior in high school. She still had all those walls built around her. She hated who she was cause she was picked on every day. But that all stopped when she started college. All those walls she had built over the years all came crashing down around her. It was like a butterfly coming out in the world for the first time.

My family sees what they missed out on. They look at her page here on myspace. They look at all the flowers and stuffed animals piling up outside her house. It is to much for my mom. LeAnne changed so much the last 5 years of her life. You have no idea. My point being. Don’t miss some ones life cause of the way they choose to live. Cause you all know what they missed out on and now they are seeing the mistake they made. So all I ask. If someone you love tells you that they are gay. Don’t stop loving them. It does not change who they are. They are still the same person. Just not living with a secret anymore.

LeAnne know she was going to die. It is all starting to make sense now. The last few weeks of her life. The doctors told us everything. LeAnne found out she was going to die on Dec 8th. The doctors did not even expect her to make it to Christmas let alone the new year. They did not know why she was dying the just knew there was nothing they could do to stop it. I think that is why she ran. She was scared. LeAnne made them promise not to tell anyone she was going to die. Why, I’m not sure but they kept that promise they made to her. She came home Dec. 19 to die. They expected her to last 3 or 4 days.

LeAnne made the most out of her last two weeks. She was in a lot of pain but that did not seem to matter. She was home with me. LeAnne went on with life like nothing was wrong. We shared Christmas and went to her favorite place in the world for my birthday and new years. (Victoria BC). She spoiled me to no end for those last few days. And when her time came she got into my bed. Put her arms around me and went to sleep. She died just the way she lived. Her way. LeAnne’s way. She cherished every second of her life every day. She lived it to its fullest. She never backed down from anything. Took every challenge life thru at her head on.

What the doctors found. LeAnne’s liver had become infected. The infection destroyed her liver within days. There was nothing anyone could have done to stop it. She was to far gone. So now we all know. The mystery has been solved. LeAnne did not kill herself. I told you she did not. She would have never taken her own life. No matter how much pain she was in. She would not have done it. Done that to me. Not ever.

The love of my sister is a very powerful thing. I am just starting to get a grasp f who she was now that she is gone. I just took her for granted most of the time. Thinking she would always be here for me. For all of us that loved her so much. That was not to be. Not the plan with her. She was put on this earth to open our mind and our hearts. Fill our lives with love and joy. Make us feel again. The world is a cold place and LeAnne was a bright light that lead the way. Now that light is gone out and we have to find our own way. It will be dark and cold for a while, but if we remember who she was and let her live in our heart we will all make it. Let her go. That is what she would want. That is why she never told anyone she was dying. Look what her death has done to some of us. She knew how hard it would be if we all knew she was going to die.
Let her go but cherish who she was and let her live in your heart for ever. She is here all around us. I can feel her. At first I couldn’t. But now I can. The cold chill in a hot shower. The way the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up for no reason. it is her, reaching out to me from the beyond. I can feel her. I may never get the chance to say goodbye to her. But she knows how I feel. She is in my heart now and she can feel how I feel.

So take all your grief and just let her go. It is what she wants. She told a friend of her when she came to him the other night. Just let her go. It is what she wants. Let her fly fee and never ever forget her..

Stephanie Anne Dover

..

So we know it was definitely not a suicide as the doctors and police lamely used the excuse to autopsy her body. I pray they found knowledge in her death that could save someone else life in the future. For now... my dearest will be resting soon.

I have felt my release for her... I am trying to move on, but I'm also still hurting. My tears still run freely and heart still cries and misses her. I'm ok with friends and family loving me and giving me support, but beyond friends towards lovers... I don't want or need the attention. I think I just want to be alone for now... for a bit. I need to heal and I need to find my peace in this.

A star is going to be purchased in her name :) I think she would like that. For all of to be able to look to the skies, see her star, and remember what a wonderful woman she had been for all of us...for me.