Hedwiggy

I'm FABULOUS!!! (now)..But growing up Henry Rollins sums it up in this: ~ "I Know You" ~~~~~~~~~ I know you~ you were too short~ you had bad skin~ you couldn't talk to them very well~ words didn't seem to work~ they lied when they came out of your mouth~ you tried so hard to understand them~ you wanted to be part of what was happening~ you saw them having fun~ and it seemed like such a mystery~ almost magic~ made you think that there was something wrong with you~ you'd look in the mirror trying to find it~ you thought that you were ugly~ and that everyone was looking at you~ so you learned to be invisible~ to look down~ to avoid conversation~ the hours~ days~ weekends~ ah the weekend nights, alone~ where were you~ in the basement?~ in the attic?~ in your room?~ working some job?~ just to have something to do~ just to have a place to put yourself~ just to have a way to get away from them~ a chance to get away from the ones that made you feel so strange and ill-at-ease inside yourself~ did you ever get invited to one of their parties~ you sat and wondered if you would go or not~ for hours you imagined the scenarios that might transpire~ they would laugh at you~ if you would know what to do~ if you would have the right things on~ if they would notice that you came from a different planet~ did you get all brave in your thoughts~ like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it~ and have a great time~ did you think that you might be "the life of the party"~ that all these people were gonna talk to you~ and you would find out that you were wrong~ that you had a lot of friends~ and you weren't so strange after all?~ did you end up going~ did they mess with you~ did they single you out~ did you find out that you were invited~ because they thought you were so weird~ yeah, I think I know you~ you spent a lot of time full of hate~ a hate that was pure as sunshine~ a hate that saw for miles~ a hate that kept you up at night~ a hate that filled your every waking moment~ a hate that carried you for a long time~ yes I think I know you~ you couldn't figure out what they saw and the way they lived~ home was not home~ your room was home~ a corner was home~ the place they weren't- that was home~ I know you~ you're sensitive~ and you hide it, because you fear getting stepped on one more time~ it seems that when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit vulnerable~ someone takes advantage of you~ one of them steps on you~ they mistake kindness for weakness~ but you know the difference~ you've been the brunt of their weakness for years~ and strength is something you know a bit about~ because you had to be strong to keep yourself alive~ you know yourself very well now~ and you don't trust people~ you know them too well~ you try to find that "special person"~ someone you can be with~ someone you can touch~ someone you can talk to~ someone you won't feel so strange around~ and you found that they don't really exist~ you feel closer to people on movie screens~ yeah, I think I know you~ you spend a lot of time daydreaming~ and people have made comment to that effect~ telling you that you're "self-involved" and "self-centered"~ but they don't know, do they~ about the long nightshifts alone~ about the years of keeping yourself company~ all the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself~ so you could imagine someone holding you~ the hours of indecision~ self-doubt~ the intense depression~ the blinding hate~ the rage that made you stagger~ the devastation of rejection~ well~ maybe they do know~ but if they do~ they sure do a good job of hiding it~ it astounds you how they can be so smooth~ how they seem to pass through life as if life itself was some divine gift~ and it infuriates you to watch yourself with your apparent skill,~ and finding every way possible to screw it up~ for you, life is a long trip~ terrifying and wonderful~ birds sing to you at night~ the rain and the sun~ the changing seasons~ are true friends~ solitude is a hard won ally~ faithful and patient~ yeah, I think I know you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rollins Poetry from "Now Watch Him Die"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Life happens but, it also builds character. Karma also has a way of laughing/spitting in the face of of the truly evil. (Wendy, Kris & Michelle ~ Hows that Karma working out for you? I saw you @ the class reunion. Karma deserves a standing ovation!!! Click here to view a bigger version of my map!
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