I SING IN THE BANDS six in six and JUST, shoot guns, and drink beer at the same time. OVER ACHIEVER...I love all my FAMILY and all my FRIENDS, and I hope that some day we can all look back at this mess of today and laugh, but until then, get back to work you lazy bastards!!!! Check out my bands six in six...at myspace.com/sixinsix and JUST at myspace.com/justbandmusic, HOW CONVENIENT
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Well first things first, I don't have a sense of humor whatsoever...which really pisses people off because I'm a really funny guy. 2nd thing, I'm half hispanic and half white and I'm pretty damn sure I was adopted because...well...my mom and dad are black. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, African Americans. A lot of people down at the old folks home down near where I live say I look a lot like Brad Pitt. Sure theyre partially blind, slightly senile, and smell like naked midgets making out in a tabacoo field, but they could be on to something. Who'm I kiddin, if I looked like Brad Pitt, I'd be a manwhore and wouldn't have time to be typing this right now. I'd be busy doing other things, you know what I'm talking about. YEAH! Making movies. I'm looking for a girl with a face like an angel, not like a taradactyl. I've dated a taradactyl face before and quite frankly she scared the shit out of me every time I woke up in the morning. It got so bad I had to start drinking a bottle of tequila before I went to sleep every night, that way she'd still be pretty in the mornin. The tequilas getting hard on me, The Doc says my liver's going to shit, so I had to give her the boot. She took my good one. Now I'm barefoot, and everybody stares at me at work down there at the Victorias Secret cause...well hell I'll be honest with you, I'm still drunk and now I got a leopard thong wrapped around my head like a ski mask while I'm doing backstrokes in the underwear bins singing "Cher's Greatest Hits." Both of em'. I can't count how many times I've been fired from that damn place, because, well I cant count, and they dont really pay me, I just show up. I figured out her secret though, old Victoria...Shes a Man. Dont ask me how I figured that one out cause Whoo!, Nevermind. Well make a long story shorter than a long one of no importance that keeps on going and never ends cause the idiot telling the story has no freaking point whatsoever about how long he's been rambling on, the girl of my dreams is out there in an underwear magazine somewhere, and if she's reading this, I'd just like to say, I love you, and I miss you, and as soon as I get 14.95 together I'm going to renew my subscription to the Sears Catalog cause baby, I need you
Tortilla Wedos forever
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Joseph Migel Gonzalez
Birthday: November 17th, 1982
Birthplace: Longmont, CO
Current Location: TARZANA, CA
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'7'', the tallest midget you'll ever meet!
Right Handed or Left Handed: Depends on how frisky I'm feelin
Your Heritage: The Redneck Mexican/American Foundation of Venezuela
The Shoes You Wore Today: The Kind That Go On My Feet, What kind of questions are these?
Your Weakness: Giant Amazonian Marsupials
Your Fears: Giant Amazonian Marsupials
Your Perfect Pizza: Cooked
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: 5' 9'', and 5' 9'' for my height as well.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Giant Amazonian Marsupials
Thoughts First Waking Up: Who the hell are you, and why aren't you wearing any clothes? Why do you sound like a man? Where Am I?
Your Best Physical Feature: my collar bone
Your Bedtime: That reminds me...What time does this bar close anyway?
Your Most Missed Memory: Hunting baby penguins with my homemade bow and arrow at the zoo.
Pepsi or Coke: I'm a Shasta man myself...It's cheap...gets the job done with a little vodka
MacDonalds or Burger King: MacFilthy or Burger Queer...Ah...That's a toughy...hmm...In and Out that's what our hamburgers are all about you sum bitch'
Single or Group Dates: she can bring her Brazilian twin underwear model I don't mind.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Get it off me
Do you Smoke: Only when I'm on fire
Do you Swear: For Fuck Sake Man...I'm a 16th Irish.
Do you Sing: Disney Sing Alongs...Aladdin, Beauty and The Beast is the shit.
Do you Shower Daily: I'm also a 16th Jewish, so please don't offend me.
Have you Been in Love: Once...then she said she'd press charges or some nonsense...I...Touchy Subject, next question.
Do you want to go to College: As soon as I get my GED, and win the Stanley Cup, Yeah I'll Think About It
Do you want to get Married: Of course, are you kidding...I made a promise to myself as soon as I got of jail that I'd go in search of my soulmate
Do you belive in yourself: If I don't who will. Other than my Mom...and Dad...and...You get the point
Do you get Motion Sickness: No
Do you think you are Attractive: Oh hell yes...I'm a sexy bitch, If Johnny Depp and Mark Wahlberg had a baby, I'd be him
Are you a Health Freak: No...but the police keep my ass in shape.
Do you get along with your Parents: Of course...I love them...
Do you like Thunderstorms: My fav
Do you play an Instrument: I play the harmonica in a death metal band called "Frisky Kitty's of DOOM"
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I've had like 4 beers just typing this crazy bullshit...no wait for it.......5 beers.
In the past month have you Smoked: Oh hell no.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Doxycycline...I'm that hardcore
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Is the official "I'm Dumping You" Date considered a Date, If it is then yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Victorias Secret every day...multiple malls.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Can't afford a box of Oreos. I eat Cheapero's the generic counterpart just as delicious
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Not raw
In the past month have you been on Stage: You mean, thousands of fans, screaming my name, adrenaline pumping through my vains while I belt out hard rock death growls for the world to mosh to...no
In the past month have you been Dumped: Has it already been a month?
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Well...yes...and now I'm being evicted
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: I'm half hispanic. What do you think?
Ever been Drunk: ....6 beers...did you hear that? That was the sound of me opening another Refreshingly Chilled Coors Light, Rocky Mountain Born, hobo approved.
Ever been called a Tease: Every time I pet a dolphin with a fish in my other hand.
Ever been Beaten up: Yes by dolphins after I teased them with fishy morsals
Ever Shoplifted: Have I ever paid for anything?
How do you want to Die: ...7 beers, you're jealous as hell I can feel it.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Young
What country would you most like to Visit: Texas
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: medium dark
Short or Long Hair: just have hair
Height: 5'7'' or shorter for the love of god...I'm just kidding tall girls...I love you too
Weight: I don't want to see your bones popping out and I don't want to find my way out of the maze with your stretchmarks
Best Clothing Style: Optional really
Number of Drugs I have taken: not too many...I want you to remember our date to WENDY'S
Number of CDs I own: Just as many as you have stolen
Number of Piercings: Ears, Naval, Elbow...whatever
Number of Tattoos: small ones on your back are sexy as long as they don't say other guys names...Ew
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 1, not giving me a chance to make you feel the way you should. HAPPY, ENTHUSED, SWEATY, and WORN OUT. I'm just kidding, but seriously.
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