Bristol

B ristol Genesis: The Creation.

In the beginning Brunel created Bristol.

Bristol was formless and void, and darkness was over Avon gorge, and the Spirit of Brunel was moving over the surface of The River Avon.

Then Brunel said, "Let there be a Suspension Bridge in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the land.".

Brunel made the Suspension Bridge, and separated the waters which were below the Suspension Bridge from the lands which were above the Suspension Bridge; and it was so.

Brunel called the Suspension Bridge Heaven.

T here was evening and there was morning, a second day.

Then Brunel said, "Let the waters below the Suspension Bridge be gathered into one place, and let the dry land appear"; and it was so.

Brunel called the dry land Bristol, and the gathering of the waters he called the River Avon; and Brunel saw that it was good.

Then Brunel said, "Let Bristol sprout Burger Kings, KFC, and Miss Millie’s on Bristol bearing food poisoning after their consumption”; and it was so and Brunel saw that it was good.

T here was evening and there was morning, a third day.

Then Brunel said, "Let there be lights on the Suspension Bridge to separate the day from the night, and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years; and let them be for lights on the suspension bridge give light on Bristol"; and it was so.

Brunel made the two great lights, the traffic light to govern the day, and suspension bridge light to govern the night; He made Cabot Tower also and Brunel saw that it was good.

T here was evening and there was morning, a fourth day.

Then Brunel said, "Let the waters teem with swarms of leeches, coke cans, ASDA trolleys and nappies, and let Seagulls fly above Bristol sh*ting upon the open expanse of Bristol." Brunel saw that it was good.

T here was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.

Then Brunel said, "Let Bristol bring forth living creatures after their kind: Big issue sellers and tramps of Bristol after their kind"; and it was so.

Brunel invented the tramps of the Bristol after their kind, and the Big issue sellers after their kind, and everything that creeps on the ground after its kind; and Brunel saw that it was good.

Then Brunel said, "Let Us make Bristol City Council in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the trolleys of the River Avon and over the Seagulls of the sky and over the tramps and over all of Bristol, and over every Big Issue seller that creeps on the earth."

Brunel created Bristolians in His own image, in the image of Brunel He created them; Chav and Emo He created them.

Then Brunel said, "Behold, I have given you every KFC that is on the surface of all of Bristol, and every Burger King, it shall be food for you; And to every beast of Bristol and to every Seagull of the sky and to every thing that moves in Bristol which has life, I have given Burgers and Kentucky Fried Chicken for food"; and it was so.

Brunel saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.

T here was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.