I met Jackie at the Congo Room...I was doing my act where I covered my privates and lovely boombas with Barbersol shave cream. Thinking that I was covered in whipped cream, Jackie rushed onto the stage...and dove head first into the bush...if you know what I mean...We became lovers for two years...and once had a three way with June Taylor...That woman had the flatest ass I ever seen but she knew how to make my coochie smile!
I'd like to meet:
Have I told you that I once dated Castro? The man was hung like a Spanish stallion!!! This Mr. Bill Clinton could learn a thing or two from my Fidel. Clinton liked them a little younger than Ramada...but I still gave him a little tour of my "Oval Office"...If you know what I mean?
Look at the ass ... what a thing of beauty ... I just want to bite it! Jackie Kennedy was a remarkable lady but can you blame Jack for wanting to jump on that? Besides Jackie Kennedy had the flattest ass of all the First Ladies ... well until Nancy Reagan came along ... I met Jack Kennedy at a Stag Party where I was preforming ... back in 1959 I believe ... He was a great President ... but in bed ... Jack was always trying to shove his finger up my ass ... Ramada didn't mind it ... but I didn't want a "Cuban Missle Crisis" ... If you know what I mean?
Music:
I meet Sinatra in 1963 while I was dancing in an Off Broadway Show "Hot Havana Nights"...The show was shit...it was a remake of a 1950's show of the same name..staring Desi Arnez...the 60's version stared Trini Lopez...He's no Cuban...Now all I can say about Mr. Frank Sinatra is...Thank God he could sing...because he did the "Horizontal Mambo" like a nervous school boy...Now Deano that's another story...Maybe another time Ramada tell you about it.
I first meet Jack Ruby at his club in Dallas...He booked me for a three week engagement doing three shows a night...after two weeks he wanted to get engaged..."Are you kidding me" I replied, "Honey that thing you have looks just like a penis...only smaller...I need a big cuban cigar." A lot of people didn't know that Jack was a great musician and he jammed with his friends every Sunday night...I never did catch the name of that singer.
Let Ramada tell you about Mr. Elvis Presley...this man he wasn't a "Hound Dog" he was a "Horn Dog"...People don't know this about Elvis but he loved to cut hair...He gave me my first Brazilian.
Ah ... My Desi...He's the biggest star to come from my Cuba ... and the things he could with that thing between his legs ... Lucy sure was one lucky lady ... Oh yes...he did yell "Babalu" when he came ... if you know what I mean?
I know what you are thinking ... but No Ramada didn't ... but these two people were two of the best entertainers that ever played on this planet ... if you never heard of Louis Prima and Keely Smith ... give them a listen sometime ... tell em' Ramada sent you. We miss you Louie.
Movies:
I bumped into Marilyn in New York while she was filming "The Seven Year Itch"...One night we snuck anyway from Joe D. and had a girl's night out...Did you know she dyed her pubes???
Let me say this about the Duke...he was a big man...if you know what Ramada means?...But unlike the cavalry regiment in most of his westerns...he always came too soon.
In the early 60's MGM Studio hired me as a stand-in for Elizabeth Taylor...I must admit that Liz had bigger boombas than Ramada...but I had the nicer ass...In those days my ass was so firm... you could crack an egg on it.
When I first met Cary Grant ... he was already in his late 50's ... Now back then they didn't have the "little blue pill" ... so Cary always being the proper English Gentleman, kept a "Stiff Upper Lip" ... if you know what I mean? ... He called it; "Going Down To the Tropics"
Television:
In 1959 I appeared on "What's My Line"...That Bennet Cerf couldn't keep his hands off me...Not that he wanted Ramada's coochie...No...he wanted to wear my panties and bra...I let him...I figured what the hell, I'm in New York...who will know.
Now this Dorothy Kilgallen who was also on the show...Talk about a person with a stick up her "you know what" Ramada don't have to tell you...she was so tight assed...when she farted her asshole whistled.
Now also on the show was this Arlene Francis...her Ramada liked...hell she was always drunk...she kept a flask of vodka strapped to her thigh...one show she was so smashed on the booze...that she reached into Bennet's pants...and yelled "Bennet let me see that little thing!"...And remember the show was live...not on the tape like today...He did have a penne poco.
Books:
This is me in the costume I wear in "Hot Havana Nights"...them leafs made my coochie itch for weeks...Thank God the show didn't run too long...I went through ointment faster then Oprah through a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Heroes:
They don't make hairspray like this anymore...God the holding power...Whenever Ramada had to watch my sister kids...I would spray them with my hairspray to the couch...once it set they couldn't move and I was free to entertain my gentlemen friends.
Ramada know what you are thinking ... And yes I did ... and it was Dean and Jerry's first three-way ... I hated to see them split.
For a time I worked at the Gaiety Club on Biscayne Blvd...This was the club's featured dancer Zorita with her snake dance...The woman was pure evil and she was built like Aldo Ray...She got me fired...let's just say...she had the owner wrapped around her big mouth.
I had a small part in the movie "Where The Boys Are" filmed right here in my beautiful Florida...It was during this filming that I met Yvette Mimieux. Such a lovely creature, her father was French, her Mother Mexican and her hands were Roman all over Ramada...If you know what I mean?
