Joe Smooth profile picture

Joe Smooth

I am here for Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends and Networking

About Me

I'm blase when I wake it's time for dining, no that's not true. I'm anything but, I'm always up for new experiences, so I guess it must be a coincidence that I get up so late. I do like to dine though. I'm a voracious omnivore with the metabolism of a hummingbird who sups on everything from foie gras to preserved salted duck eggs, Mexican hot chocolate, ceviche, cow head, fresh-made mozzarella, and Vietnamese sandwiches. And I like to get my drink on, be it Private Men's Club Fine Aged Pilsener, Haffenreffer, Chimay, Spaten Optimator, Woodford's Bourbon, sterno, whatever.

My Interests

Foraging for exotic foodstuffs in the urban jungle and elsewhere, buying old vinyl on the cheap at thrift stores, chewing betel nut, chocolate, good grooming, hair gels, hair sprays, and hey let's not forget pommade, spicy food, pimping, poetry, Poping, kicking the gong around, salty licorice, really bad puns, hiking, freelance writing, mi piace parlare in Italiano, meeting new people, urabon, yuppie stomping, crosswords... yes that's right crosswords dammit!

I'd like to meet:

Alchemists, anthropologists, Aqua Man, artists, astral projectors, Betty Page, bishops, bloodsucking freaks just like yo momma, bootleggers, candy stripers, Captain Quaalude, chocolatiers, cigarette girls, cool cats, confectioners, copywriters, curmudgeons, Cyrano Debergerac, the Dalai Lama, Dean Martin, debutantes, dips, divas, doctors, Dr. Funkenstein, drug lords, the Duke of Earl, editors, Einstein, El Exigente, ethnobotanists, The Fantastic Four, fire eaters, freaks, geeks, goodfellas, goons, grifters, Albert Hoffman, homebrewers, hoochies, hopheads, hum dum dingers from Dingersville, iconoclasts, immovable objects, Indian chiefs, irresistable forces, jazzbos, Juan Valdez, kappelmeisters, killer dillers, kittens, kogals, Lapplanders, lawyers, live wires, long shoremen, lesbians, Mandrake the Magician, Maryjane, mixologists, moonshiners, naughty nurses, nighthawks, pimps, pocket-book stealers, pimps, poets, preacher's daughters, prestidigitators, pushers, quick studies, quintuplets, Ragamuffin girls, Rastas, Lou Reed, rogues, roustabouts, shamans, sexy librarians, shedevils, sous chefs, stone cold freaks, subterraneans, taxi dancers, tha ho next do, theramin players, therapists, Tito Puente, uighurs, Uncle Fester, Uncle Floyd, vagabonds, vamps, veterinarians, vipers, virtuosos, wags, wahines, warlocks, wierdos, wild-ass bitches, Xena Warrior Princess, yellow journalists, Zappa, Zen masters, Zoroastrians

Music:

In no particular order....Bhangra, Tony Bennett, Cab Calloway, Johnny Cash, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Parliament, Curtis Mayfield, The Isley Bros., Frank Sinatra, Celia Cruz, John Lee Hooker, Jimmy McGriff

Movies:

"Goodfellas," "Mean Streets," "Robin and the Seven Hoods," Ocean's Eleven" (the orginal one Charlie, not that remake, "Cool Hand Luke," those old school Shaw Bros. kung fu flicks, "The Blues Brothers," Hitchcock, film noir, "Memento," the *really* old Betty Boop cartoons w/Louis Armstrong etc.

Television:

"24," "King of the Hill," "The Simpson's", "Thighmaster 3,000," and anything produced by Ron Popeil

Books:

"The Godfather," "Goodfellas," "Mr S.: My Life with Sinatra," "Into the Wild," "Winnie the Pooh," "Kitchen Confidential" "Hell's angels" "On the Road", "The Tao Te Ching"

Heroes:

Allen Ginsberg, Dr. Benway, Dr. Scholl, Homer Simpson, my Mom

My Blog

Aussie 'Nads

So I'm in the Rite-Aid picking up some shaving cream and I see a product called Aussie 'Nads, hair removal pads for men. Now I'm quite sure this is a brand extension from a women's product of the same...
Posted by Joe Smooth on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Good decision

I am glad that I decided not to taste, snort or ingest in any fashion the fine, powdery residue that the rotting lemons left in my fruit bowl.
Posted by Joe Smooth on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Note to self...

Mocha porter, sake, Guiness, Red Stripe and Jack Daniels do not mix. they should probably not even be in the same room. My hurt brains.
Posted by Joe Smooth on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Sea horses!!??

I like to pride myself on my ability to seek out, stomach and hopefully enjoy wierd eats -- everything from guinea pig to cow head to raw beef liver. But today I'm pissed. My oldest brother who is Won...
Posted by Joe Smooth on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Vintage watches cure the cocktail flu

Vintage watches cure the cocktail flu, yes, yes it's true. So it was like 12,000 degrees in my hellhole of an office today. Add to that the remnants of a cold, one too many bourbons last night and no ...
Posted by Joe Smooth on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

This sumptin I've been waitin to put out there...most of my poetry doesn't see the light of day :)

This candle does not mourn. This candle does not weep. This candle does not grieve. This candle does not forget. This candle burns, burns, burns, burns. A blinding flash at midnight, Cutting...
Posted by Joe Smooth on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST