I come from a very poor family, up until the age of fifteen I thought knives and forks were jewellery. I do not spook easily and those who think I do are wasting their time with their suprise attacks. I'm neither use nor ornament. I never run away from a fight. I am on first name terms with Tony 'IT'S A BULLSEYE!' Green as well as the love of my life and dead good cooker man Keith Floyd. I have size 13 feet. I have a great deal of chi harnessed. I'm always penniless. I have lived in France, Italy AND Brimingham. Sometimes I grow a moustache to do people's heads in. Beej once punched me in the face for nothing. I work on the telly. I dislike people who wear Nike (unless it's me). I haven't stopped smoking. I used to be a spy. I once got so high I done a piss in a fruit bowl on a table. I own quite a few coats and at least eighty pairs of adidas trainers. My glass is always half full (of weak vimto). Women feel comfortable in my presence with my tales of sexual experimentation both on the high seas and on railway property. I sleep in a Racing car bed. I once said a prayer to St. Jude and people died shortly afterwards. I am a wizard with star-shaped Chinese weaponry which I throw accurately and without due fore-thought. I want to go to Utrecht to help with Harvest Festival. I cannot play tennis. I like girls who say 'I'm goin out wi sausage' mid-foreplay. I like life.Peace out whoppers xxx
