RANDOM THOUGHTS
-If I were Portland, I'd have taken Durant-More Americans have died in the War on Terror than in the actual terrorist attacks-There should be a channel with nothing but beer and Sportscenter commercials-Fast food is the Devil-If you close your eyes, those ESPN Deportes segments sound just like an episode of Dora the Explorer-There's no evidence of any kind that Sammy Sosa used steroids.
-However, there is evidence he corked his bat, which is just as bad-Having long hair doesn't make you a badass
-Neither does having a motorcycle-I predict the next USA Basketball team wins gold-To sound like a true sports journalist, I try to use words like 'comparable' and 'indicitive'-People would watch hockey if every team had a Sydney Crosby-The best way to let a dude know you mean business is to repeatedly call him 'bro'-I am physically, mentally, and emotionally in the prime of my life-Kobe has a tendency to force things doesn't he?-I know about twenty guys that are getting dangerously close to putting Fantasy Football dollars directly into my pocket-Chris Benoit was an overrated, nutless, toothless midget of a wrestler and apparently also a gigantic pussy. I hope he catches AIDS in hell-My son is awake, I have to go
-Why don't you go do something with your kids?-If Michael Jordan began his career 20 years from now, we'd be calling him the next Lebron James-Next season I'm joining the FDFL (Fantasy Dog-Fighting League)-I think it's about time we all take our 'Git-R-Done' stickers off of our pick-up trucks-It was nice to hear Kobe's "I didn't rape that girl" voice again when he thought he wanted traded-Women's basketball would be way more watchable if every player were Candace Parker-Soccer is definitely a sport-I wonder if anyone actually spent money to see 'Stomp the Yard'-Did you guys hear that Mike Vick may have been involved in Dog-Fighting?
-And he got a haircut-So what if I like Coldplay?-Anderson Varejao is the floppinist flopper to ever flop-I'll bet David Stern and other NBA execs were watching Lebron beat Detroit and giving each other really nerdy high-fives-I would watch Pro 4-square-Bud Selig should be there when Barry breaks the homerun record-Am I crazy, or did the Geico lizard switch from British to Australian?-I can't name a single player in the Stanley Cup Finals
-But I'm guessing there's a Sergei-Josh Hancock's dad is suing us for our last show-For the record; Hunting, fishing, horse-racing, dog sweaters, and dog-fighting are all forms of animal cruelty
-Homeless-fighting, Hooker-fighting, and Death Row Inmate-fighting are perfectly fine-Stop smoking. You're killing yourself and you stink-I think taking a charge in basketball is really just lazy defense-Randy Moss will have his best season since his best season-Didn't Steve Nash used to sing for Oasis?-Competitive eating is NOT a sport
-and it's disgusting-The best non-sports programming can be found on VH1-Nickelback isn't good-White people shouldn't call things "the Bomb"-Roger Clemens is the Dick Clark of Baseball-Jason Kidd beat my wife-Why don't these school shootings ever take place in the ghetto?-I seriously don't believe Mark Cuban was crying
-Though Nowitzki getting the MVP was a travesty-The 49ers are going to the playoffs-Hey fat people, a diet coke with your super-sized #4 won't make you skinny-I can hit the gyro-ball-The Spurs are my pick to win the Stanley Cup-Being the best team in the National League is like being the tallest midget-I tried to tell you about Deron Williams-The Scripps National Spelling Bee is more interesting than the NHL playoffs-Hooking up with someone on myspace is about as safe as hooking up with someone at a dimly-lit costume party-I believe that I'm more talented than 46% of the people on ESPN Radio-You should really call your mother, she'd like to hear from you-Hallelujah! Boxing is saved!-I hope Josh Hancock didn't owe anyone money for that weed-The Bulls are going to lose-Emo music is the new bubble-gum pop-Charles Barkley is a better analyst than he was a basketball player. And he was a really good basketball player-Black people and white people think differently. Anyone surprised?-Horseracing is NOT a sport...it's a giant casino game-Jeff Gordon is better than your favorite driver is.....or was-I exert more energy mowing my lawn than I do playing a round of golf. So it's still not a sport-I'm going to dominate fantasy football this year-I only got into radio for the money-Sacha Baron Cohen is the funniest man alive
-Mitch Hedberg is the funniest man that's dead-Barry Melrose's new name should be 'Captain Super-Douche'-I think Yao Ming is really only 7'5-Typing "ha" is quicker than typing "lol" and indicates the sound of actual laughter-tafn (that's all for now)-Dirk Nowitzki is one of the most boring and overrated superstar in the league.
-Manu Ginobilli is the opposite.-Albert Pujols needs to hit the weights.-Jamarcus Russell can't save the Raiders.-For being made of glue, Barbaro's leg didn't hold together very well.-Pink is for girls.-Rick Majerus will never make it in a city with such delicious barbecue ribs.-Steve Nash is the MVP.-Cheerleading can be a sport. But it mostly just irritates fans of a different sport.-Don Nelson looks a day away from rigimortis.
-Nascar IS a sport. Sorry, but it is.-I got engaged last weekend.-The Bears signed QB Chris Leak. He could be the next Rex Grossman.-Calvin Johnson can't save the Lions.-You should force your kids to TRY sports.
-And turn off the TV once in a while.-I wish I could dunk.-Golf.......still not a sport.-Don't you miss American Gladiators?-Deron Williams will go down as one of best the point guards to play the game.-I can't watch a sport that can end with the score 1-0 after 2 hours of play.-I really enjoy our little conversations.-95% of societies problems are the direct result of bad parenting-I'd like to throw a mean choke hold on every spamming whore on Myspace-Michael Jordan elevated basketball to new heights, and then nearly killed it-Poker is not a sport-Anyone could be Mel Kiper if they devoted every day of their life to the NFL draft.-Barry Bonds is NOT the bad guy-Ali ruined boxing
-Don King made it a joke-Everyone should listen to our show at least once-Golf is not a sport either; it's an incredibly frustrating hobby-Michael Vick likes to smoke weed, get mouth herpes, hide weed in a water bottle, and flip off home fans. But he's good at football-Hockey IS a sport, it's just one that nobody watches-We're all going to die-UFC is underrated, even by me.
-So is Arena Football-"Friendly Fire" is an oxymoron-The Rock ruined wrestling-We question 3 college kids for smoking pot, but we elect a guy who did blow and drove drunk to be our president-How do we know that every woman on the Rutgers basketball team had well conditioned hair?-Drew Gooden's barber seems to have missed a spot-A-Rod deserves an apology letter from every Yankee fan that booed him. And they in turn deserve a titty-twister-Those E-surance animated commercials are dumb-I miss EA sports' MVP Baseball-Bill Walton talks through his nose-John Kincaid talks out of his ass-You spend too much time online
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