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Man Laws

themanlaws

About Me

MAN LAWS:
    It is your obligation to take the sacred oath to abide by all Man Laws. A man cannot be gay. This violation is cause for the title of "Man" being stripped from you forever. The closest you can be called is a "male". Bisexuals are gay men playing straight and they are potentally endangering the women we fuck and/or love, consequently endangering us. Bro's before hoes All men are a Wingman 24 hours a day. You are always on call No actions done when acting as a wingman can be rediculed or repeated in a joking or judging manner. regardless of how horrid that action may have been. Taking one for The Team is an "Action of Honor". Never take sides against your "Team" Women cannot create, challenge, modify or abolish any Man Laws It's disrespectful to refuse another man's offer to buy you a drink or a steak Every man is held responsible for keeping all women in his stable in check , making sure they know their role, and disciplining them when they get out of line All debts under $50 can bet paid via alcohol Men don't argue with other men unless it's over sports Men don't wear tops and bottoms, we wear shirts and pants Men don't wear outfits, we wear clothes Men should not talk on the phone longer than 5 minutes A man cannot be given a nickname by a female or by himself. A man can only be given a nickname by his boys or his fans. A nickname assigned by a female is only between himself and that female When standing at a urinal you must look forward with your head tilted up at a 40 degree angle. No looking to the sides are permitted. There should also be a minumum gap of one urinal between himself and the next man whenever possible. Finally, men shall not speak to eachother while in the restroom. No man ever uses the word "cute" unless he is insulting another man for using the word "cute". If someone accidentally drinks from your beer, it is now their beer and they must get you a new one. It is perfectly normal for two men to watch a sporting event and never say a word to each other. A man shall not dance for fun unless to improve his chances of getting a girl. If your white t-shirt approaches your knees, then it is considered a dress It is completely acceptable for a man to use a dog as a wingman. Rock, paper, scissor is a completely legitimate way to settle an argument that cannot be solved logically. A drinks consists of 2 things: Alcohol and another liquid Under no circumstance is it ok for a MAN to say vagina A man should always be aware of all the women his friends are dating; and react wrecklessly or run interferncep to keep those women separated at an event During a major sporting event or boxing match, it is unacceptable for a man to ask, "Who's playing or who's fighting". In any type of auditorium or seating arrangement, if there are several seats open, under no circumstances do you sit in the seat right next to your homeboy!! If a man closely passes by another man, then that man shall turn his back and pretend not to see the other man...if a man closely passes by a female then that man shall face her and stare accordingly Beer is an acceptable form of hydration after playing sports No going through your girls phone to see who is text messaging or calling her If you find out your girl is cheating with another guy, no calling the other guy to tell him to stop fucking with your girl because at that point she should not be your girl anymore If your woman is cheating on you, you cannot approach the other man, you must deal with your woman It is your obligation to set the standards of how LOW you're willing to stoop as a wing man. If no such limit has been set ahead of time, you must accept the straggler, regardless of how she looks It is unlawful to turn your back on another man when his is in a tough situation When a new gadget has been purchased, never read the directions. Just open it and figure it out on your own Never tuck your shirt in unless it is required for work, you have a nice belt buckle that you want to show off, or you are attending one of the following events: weddings, job interviews, court, funerals, or a formal dinners. It's never okay to say you look like another man Men do not sit up straight with perfect posture, we slouch Men should not type more than 20 words per minute unless your job is computer related or you work for a publication Men do not buy gifts or birthday present for other men. Remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip club or bar of your friend's choice. Under NO circumstances may a man refer to his friend as "the birthday boy" on their birthday. No man may ever abandon their favorite team regardless of how bad they are It is acceptable to try your homeboy's chicks as long as it has been two weeks since they first met. Unless instructed otherwiase by your homeboy. The word "cuddle" should never be used. Instead terms such as "kicked it at the house, chilled out, layed up, hunched, or fucked around" can be used in its place. Men do not go to the movies together without an equal amount of accompanying females. When no women are present, the bar should always be the first seating option at an eating establishment. The second option should be a well lit non-booth table with no candles. A man cannot talk to another man using his sexy voice. A man cannot let a female he's dating meet his mother unless it's a serious relationship. A Man cannot spend more than 40% of his time at the gym doing cardio unless he is playing basketball. Dance classes or aerobic class are forbidden. The first fuck is what keeps them as long as they put the the schwipe down the first time. Head is mandatory and it's not debatable. Anything else is uncivilized. You get fucks 2 thru 6 depending on how good the first fuck is. Fuck number 7, 8, & 9 is the: "I hope she doesn't want me to be her boyfriend fuck". As of fuck 10 she is now regular pussy! No man shall watch, support, or like Will & Grace, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, Soap Operas, Lifetime movies, HGTV programs, Oxygen Programs, romantic novels, ice skating, men's gymnastics or Oprah L.O.Y.D - Lying On Your Dick at anytime is absolutely unacceptable will result in a deduction of 3 women off of your depth chart and an automatic removal from being allowed to vote on any Man Laws until you have redeemed yourself via an "Action of Honor" Beggin to eat a female out will result in automatic removal from being allowed to vote on any Man Laws until you have redeemed yourself via an "Action of Honor"A man should never back down from a challenge from another man. It's your obligation to uphold the honor of your crew, team, inner circle, etcMen should not bitch, whine, complain, or nag like a female Any time spent with a female you are talking too, whether its just sitting at the house chilling or out spending money on her is considered CAKING! Although there's absolutely nothing wrong with Caking and its encouraged as long as the chick deserves it, it's still all good to make fun of your homies for CAKING. PLEASE SEE MAN LAW 57 & 58 FOR ACCEPTED AND UNACCEPTED CAKING LIST Caking of the 1st degree: spending time Caking of the 2nd degree: spending money Caking of the 3rd degree: spending lots of time and lots of money ACCEPTED CAKING LIST She's your wife or your main girl She's only seeing you She's has or is willing to spend money on you or do special things for you She's only fuckin you UNACCEPTED CAKING LIST She's another man's wife or main girl She get's d by other men and she's not fuckin you She's no higher than #3 in your stable She's fuckin somebody else She's disrespectful She acts like you're obligated to spend money on her She's unappreciative She's fucked one of your boys before She's a hoNever should a man try holla at one of his homeboy's ex-wife, ex girlfriend, or ex #1 who he was serious about. Only other females on the squad, that never reached higher than the #2 spot in the stabe are fair game If a female never reached the #1 spot in your stable then she's fair game. It is unmanly to act emotional, irrational, over sensitive, or jealous if she starts messin with another man No man can cry at ANY movie, especially while with a female No man shall drink any fruity alcoholic beverages such as but not limited to: apple martinis, wine coolers, smirnoff ice, lemon drops, jello shots, dacaris, and all drinks that have umbrellas in them. Margaritas are acceptable only at Mexican restaurants knows for making good margaritas. When two or more men are riding in an automobile together, it's completely unacceptable to listing to r&b or slow love making musicA man should never wear another man's clothes, unless he is going out to an event and he doesn't have the appropriate attire and he needs to borrow something for the night.A man should never, unless crippled, sit down to pee. The only time a man can take a bath is A.) he's injured or B.) he's with a woman. It's unacceptable for a man to tell another man that he looks good or nice, but it's perfectly fine to tell another man how fucked up he looks. A man should never say bye bye A man should never hold or control another man's remote controls as if it were his own. If you must use another man's remote control, you must put the remote control down once you've turned to the channel that you're looking for. No walking around with the remote control, putting the remote control in your pocket, or laying the remote control on your lap is permitted. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. A camera is never allowed at a bachelor party. The events and actopm tthat happen at a bachelor party are only between those who attended Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. Complaining about the brand of free beer in another man's refrigerator is forbidden. However complainin if the temperature is unsuitable is acceptable. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
    You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
    Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
    Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
    If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
    Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
    A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
    Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
    Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours.
    Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: Yeah, Baby, Push it! C'mon, give me one more! Harder! Another set and we can hit the showers! Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, or sky blue. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox or PlayStation. End of story. No man shall be allowed in a park with out being accompanied by a female companion, their with their child, they're attending a cookout, or playing sports Men don't smile when taking pictures with other men unless they are drunk, high, or F.U.B.A.R. (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) It is totally acceptable to have expensive taste and want the finer things in life. It is unaccepctable to spend more than $100 on an item that you think will help get you pussy. Buying any item to impress another man is a violation of the highest degree and will result in you being banned from contributing to Man Laws for life. No man shall get upset at another man for not holding the door open for him. Once Man A has went through the door, it's Man B's responsibility to catch the door before it closese. Under no circumstances should a man dress in any colors associated with Easter ie; lavender, pink, etc. No man shall ever touch his eye brows wit tweezers. Arching is an automatic ban for life. Unibrowers are just shit out of luck No man should never ask another man to make him a plate at a cookout, buffet, hose party, or any other venue that serves food. At no time while riding with a female should a man pull over and ask for directions!! If she has a problem with that she is more than welcome to walk.Under no circumstance or situation should a man ever leave any incriminating evidence. Ever It's acceptable for a man to get a massages, manicures, or pedicures. Receiving facials, waxes, or getting your eyebrows done are strictly forbidden. Men should never share a drink. Every man should always have his own drink. A man should never ever answer another man's phone unless he is acting as a wingman and he's been asked to do so. A man should never hug another man if he's not wearing a shirt A man can ask a friend to help him move. However, he cannot ask him to help him pack If you meet a girl, she gives you her number, you call her, and she tells you that she will call you back but she doesnt call you back, then you are allowed to call back one more time depending on how fine she is. But, if she does the same thing all over again, you as a man are not allowed to call her back ever again. Her number is to be erased out of your phone No man shall say anything negative about another man, just to make himself look good. Step up your game, don't put down another's. If a random fine chick hits you up on myspace, you are to assume that she wants to fuck and you're supposed to immediately go for the kill No man should ever listen to, support, like music with Sisqo, Elton John or any other album where the artist is clearly gay! While in the presense of your boys a man is not allowed to say excuse me after a burp or passing gas When turning on a TV, regardless of what you intend to watch, ESPN should always be the first channel that you turn to, followed by ESPN2, FoxSports, then ESPN Classic. The only excuse you have is if there is a game on that you're looking for. At that point, you are to immediately turn to the game. A man can only drink liquor or beer when out at a club (Champagne is also expectable for special occasions, but never order wine). If a Man orders beer he must asked to be served in a tall glass, the bottle. Cans and mugs are unacceptable. If a Man orders Liquor he must asked to be served in either a tall glass or a tumbler. Stem wear is unacceptable. Straws are only expectable when drinking out of a tall glass... and that's only if the straw is normal size. A man should never drink out of a little straw, and a man should absolutely never drink from a tumbler with a straw. Tumblers are meant for straight liquor and strong drinks, and strong drinks are not meant to be sipped, they are meant to be chugged. Any fruit served with your drink must immediately be discarded or consumed, prior to consumption of the beverage. A man should never let random fruit rest on the rim of his glass while at the club. Citrus fruit is acceptable and may remain, only it its squeezed and submerged in the drink. GUM ETIQUETTE: No blowing bubbles cause you dont chew bubble gum. No popping gum. No twirling gum around your finger. No chewing with your mouth open.A group of men can only be a gang, crew, family, outfit, society, unit, or corporation. Cliques are for high school chicks. Through good times or bad, A man should never need to be reminded of who his real friends that were there for him unconditionally.A man should have at least one sport or competition that he participates in and is passionate about, but he should know the basic rules to all sports. No man should, at any point in time, supply a woman with head unless he is: a) returning the favor; b) has secured payment for the favor; or c) has already gotten assurance that he will receive head from the privileged party no more than three minutes after supplying head to the woman. No man should ever say to another man..."Why are you being so mean to me?" A man should never sing a females verse in a song about another man. Preferably, a man should never sing a females verse in a song at all. After taking a piss a man can only shake his shit off for 5 seconds at the most. Anything longer is considered beatin off A man should never under any circumstances be seen wearing "Briefs" aka "man panties" bka "tightey whitey's". A man should never have more lotions, gels, and beauty products than amy female he knows.A man should never know what accessories are suppose to match his woman's outfit. Nor should you notice her accessories at all! That's what her homosexual and female friends are for.Men should not try to be so pretty! Women are the ones that are suppose to fuss over if their looks and ask if their ass looks fat!A man should never call a female; babe or baby, unless she is his girlfriend or the main girl in his stable. Texting or typing it is acceptable, but not saying it. No man should ever have another man's picture associated with his caller id in his cell phone. No man under the age of 40 should be in the gym with tight ass shirt and shorts that dont come down to there Knees. No man should ever carry a bag that doesn't have two straps or doesn't fit on your back. If your bag is used to hold the tools of your trade, it can be a single strap. Anything else is considered a man purse. Under no circumstances should you watch The Super Bowl, Game 7 of the World Series, or NBA Finals alone at home with your woman. Invite your friends over, or go out. No man under the age of 45 should ever be seen in sneakers that are not nam brand! Even when taking the garbage out a man should wear an old pair of nikes or reeboks, etc! Pay-Less sneakers are completley unacceptable for a grown man! No man under the age of 35 should ever wear a leather baseball cap. As a man, it's your responsibility to cut your hair bald when your hair line has reached the point of no return. As a man, it's your responsibility to keep a hoe as a hoe and not try to turn her into a housewife Your woman should never know more about sports, cars, or video games than you do. A man should never ask another man any questions involving his physical features. i.e. do you think I need to go on a diet, do you think i'm fat. how do i look in these jeans, etc A man should never complain about the amount of time another man spends with a female as long as the female is deserving. A man should always reveal ALL information, wether it's good or bad, about a chick that his homeboy is dating or interested in. He should never let his homeboy go into any situation without giving him the inside scoop. A man should never touch another man's face unless he is a doctor, dentist, mortician, or barber. A man should never ever, ever have a myspace background with another man on it that has his shirt unbuttoned, open, or off! Men should also never have dudes with their shirts off or unbuttoned in their top friends no matter if that is your homeboy.A man should neva be caught eating yogurt or yogurt drinks, Its that simple. Men should never discuss another man's personal business with a female who does not have a blood connection with either of the two parites. No man shall ever take sides with a female against one of his boys. If your homeboy is in the wrong and you don't agree with what he did, just stay out of it. Under no circumstance should two men ever ride the same motorcycle at the same time. No man shall ever have another man give him a massage unless he is on a professional team and the guy is his sports trainer. A man should never share a plate of food with another man. No man shall search the net for "Male friends" even if you are new to the area, matter of fact no man shall "Search" for male friends period. You will be viewed as on the DL regardless of what your status might say. A man should never have a framed picture of another man in his house nor in his posession! the only exceptions to this law is:The man recently passed away It is your grandfather It is a group picture with all of your homies witch includes you in the picture. It's a picture of a man who was a pioneer in history and/or the civil rights movement.A man should have a designated spot totally off limits to his "mistresses." This spot is for his wifey and his wifey ONLY. A man should never say anything about how certain foods effect parts of his body. For example: "I can't eat hot wings cause they go straight to my thighs" A man should never seek treatment or medical attention if a female hits him with her bare hands. All men should visit ESPN.com, FoxSports.com, or SI.com at least once a day. Men should never pull their pants down to their ankles when using a urinal. If a man declines an invitation to eat, drink and watch the game with the fellas in order to stay at home and do nothing spectacular. At "no point" during the game can he call or text any of the fellas to talk shit. He made the executive decision not to attend, therefore he cannot and does not deserve the right to talk shit with those in attendance during game time. Under no circumstance should a man ever take a glamour shot. Professional pictures of himself should only be taken if it's to be used for his profession. When utilizing a hot tub or jacuzzi. The amount of men that are allowed in the tub is half of the capacity of the tub minus one. For example, if the capacity of the hot tub is 10, then there can only be 4 men in there maximum. However, an unlimited amount of females can get in the hot tub at anytime. A man is not aloud to wear the same clothes he has been wearing since high school. There is a 3 to 4 year limit on clothes and then they are expired. No man over the age of 25 should wear a durag with a hat on top of it. Not only is that lame but it is a sign of not growing up. Unless you are in the construction industry, lumber industry, or you're a mexican, men are not allowed to wear flannel shirts or overalls. At a club or bar, a man should never be more than 15 feet from the bar, unless he is heading to another bar. If a man must go to the restroom, he must immediately return to his bar area of choice upon completion. Leaving the bar area to dance is only acceptable if it improves your chances of getting a girl It is mandatory for a man to watch SportsCenter at least 5 times a week. If your favorite atheletes has a highlight moment on someone monday, a man must have veiwed the highlight by friday! Women are never allowed at a bachelor's party unless they are the stripper. No acceptions. Also, they are not to be invited or told the location of a bachelor party. Discussing the details of what happened that night is also unethical and morally wrong. What happened at that bachelor party stays at the bachelor party. A man should never purchase tampons or maxi pads unless it is for his "sick" wifey. To be caught buying feminine hygiene products for any woman other than your "sick" wife is an automatic 3 day suspension from the relm of man. A man should never let his girl touch his ass at any point in time during sex No man shall do the the electric slide or the cha cha unless they are at a weddings or retirement party A man should never be seen eating a extra long sausage if it is not in a peice of bread or a bun Under no circumstances is a man allowed to have a camera phone picture of his torso, abs, dick, or any other body part as his pictre for IM, myspace, facebook. or any other site. If you do this you are a fag and you're self respect will never be regained No man should ever text another man and ask him " how is he doing today?". If it's a friend that doesn't live in the same city as you, it's acceptable to call once a month and see how they've been doing over an extended period of time with a minimum of 30 day intervals. While at a restaurant with a female, it is unacceptable for a man to behave in a finicky manner about the food he ordered, i.e., no sending food to the kitchen back unless the order is wrong or contains ingredients that you're allergic to. You are a man. You ordered it; you eat it. When considering making a woman part of your life. The underwear test is "totally" acceptable. Place the dirtiest pair you can muster up in the middle of the hamper, and ask her if she can do the load for you. If she runs into the filthy pair, and does not clown you, or show utter disgust....you got a keeper. Every man who has had a myspace page for more than 4 months must have a minimum of 20 female friends. If that man doesn't meet the minimum requirements then he is considered GAY, LAME,or BOTH! Unless a man lives with a female, he should never have female magazines, books, or publications in his home. Unless wearing slacks and a shirt and tie, a man should never have an umbrella. Just run through the rain. A man should never shake another man's hand after he's just used the restroom A man should never talk to another man about his dick When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. That is just a straight bitch move.No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you must reduce the load or leave some of the items behind. A man shall never own a cat or small dog i.e. shitzu, or chihuahua. If a man is to own a pet it has to be at least 40lbs. Excpetions to the rule, a tight ass fish tank wit some nice fish preferably sharks if you can afford it or and any kind of reptile, but preferably snakes, lizards, or if from FL, alligators. During a holiday celebrated with food (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) a man may not use the "I'm on a diet" excuse for not eating a manly sized portion of grub. A man must watch at least one football or basketball game on Thanksgiving or Christmas. If an ex hits you up randomly and she is confused/unsure of what she wants, but she wants to hook up/chill and that relationship was ended by her by no fault of your own and you have little to no intent of getting back with her....she is INSTANTLY placed into the "cut buddy" category until you decide to give her another chance with you. If a man cant' decide, then she will remain cut buddies until you know what YOU want to do or you just y'all just go separate ways. This rule is NON-NEGOTIABLE and IN EFFECT IMMEDIATELY and INDEFINITELY No MAN shall ever wipe anything off another man's face. No MAN shall ever pick anything out of a man's hair. No MAN shall have a R&B song as his ring tone! Especially Beyonce or something incredibly soft! Highlights should only be sports clips, not something a man gets done to his hair. A man shall never drive a female type car i.e. small convertibles like Miatas, Mercedes, Lexus, or small suv's like a Honda CRV, the small Lexus SUV, any type of Saturn and by all means never I mean never a bug, etc No man should ever play cassette tapes in his car! if you only have a tape player then buy the chord to connect your tape player to a portable cd player! if you can't afford that then just listen to the radio. All men must be fluent in the language of sports talk. No man should drive by clubs or on strips bumping soft R&B music tryna mean mug people and be hard! The only colors that a man should know are black, grey, brown, white, yellow, red, green, blue, purple and orange. All colors fit into one of these categories. While it's still skeptical if a man should have a female barber... No man should ever allow his woman to cut his hair. A man shall never drive with his dog in his lapIt's completely acceptable for SportsCenter to be on the television while having sex. Two men shall never kiss no matter how much love they have for each other. No man shall request to be another man's friend on myspace unless they already know each other. No man should ever have the ability to wrap gifts. Gift wrapping items should also never be in the possession or home of a single man. While his lady is shopping for lady stuff, the man should always find the colsest sear. If one is not available, that man should stand outside the store either chick watching, talking on his phone, or looking up sports scores. No man should ever wear colored contacts No man should pass up a great game to go shopping with his girl or wife. Even if its at the last minute, it must be rescheduled in brief conversation during half-time.No man, shall ever address any beef with another man over text message, instant messenger, or email. If you have any problems with another man, you either call him up or go pay him a visit. No man shall ever drink a beer using a straw.All men are required to watch at least two of the following events:Super Bowl NBA All-STAR GAME 1/7 NBA Championship Games March Madness Tournament World Cup BCS ChampionshipNo fruit is allowed in beer except for Corona. Every man should have at least one piece of sports memorabilia in his home at all times. All of the following is acceptable: Jersey Hat Shirt Cup Pen/pencil Wristband Any type of material that represents a sport or a sports team!You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her girlfriend's boyfriends. Low level sports bonding is all the Man Laws requires. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Regardless of what the odds are that you and your buddy will come out victorious. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to give your homeboy insider info on how to deal with her and easily go for the kill. A man shall not enter the sauna naked or enter the sauna if there are more than 5 men in there already. When speaking in a locker room, 2 men should never face each other while either man is naked. Speaking is only allowed while facing away from each other. When sending a text message, e-mail, or an instant message, no man should ever use smiley faces for any reason When going out for a night on the town, no man should ever walk around in a club, bar, or social event with a camera. A man can only carry a camera on his person when on vacation or when out with the family. Men can greet each other with "What's up", "Hey", a hand shake, a pound, or the classic "Nod of Acknowledgement", but never with "Hi" While listening to music, no man shall move his head sided to side, only front to back or side to side in a violent "No" fashion A man must know the difference between a flat head and a phillips head screwdriver No man shall ever ask a girl that's with one of his homeboys "...So, are you two in a relationship?" A woman is never ever allowed to choose a man's friends When going out, it's always appropriate and acceptable to carry an extra condom as a spare or in case a friend is in need. If your homeboy calls you up at the crib, and he is not doing anything but riding around, do not ask him "Are you coming over?" The most you can say is, Roll through and lets go holla at some chicks."Never, try to prove your manhood (that you're a tougher man than he is) if you see a dude with a fine ass chick. Let 'em pass. Get your own. Hell he got his...step up your game up.Never take a girl to a Chic flic unless you are certain that she will be mushy enough to give you some after the movie.Even if you know you're about to get that ass whipped by another dude. Make him know that he was in a fight WITH you. This should be excersised Especially if dude disrespects your girl.Men do not call each other on the phone to just "talk". Men should only call each other with a purpose or if he has something specific to say. However, calling another man on the phone to talk is acceptable if you are more than a 2 hour drive from each other. In this case, you may call each other to "catch up" once every 30 days for a maximum of 30 minutes. All men are required to have both a spoken code language and gestures amongst themselves that women cannot understand. No man should ever write with a fluorescent or neon colored pen. Black , blue, and occasionally red are the only acceptable colors.Porn Etiquette:No man should ever turn down porn given to him by a female Porn is never old Porn should never be thrown away Even if you don't watch porn, you should always enjoy watching it with a female Even if you don't own porn, you should always appreciate a female that does Porn should never be watched by men sitting around in a dark roomNo man shall ever say Happy Valentine's Day to another man No man should ever borrow money from his girl No man should ever help another man put on a coat or jacket unless the other man is a man servant, butler, or driver. No man should ever carry around a mirror No man shall share a mirror with another man and two or more men shall never prep simultaneously in the same mirror. When out drinking with friends, it's unacceptable to disappear when it's your turn to buy the next round of drinks. Any bracket created by a woman for March Madness isn't worth even being looked at.A man should never collect money as a result of another man making it "Rain". If money makes contact with you or gets stuck to you, man should immediately brush the money off. "All" currency should be disregarded. When taking a shit, men do not use the drop and flush technique that women are known for. Men may only flush the toilet when they are done taking a shit. No man shall ever talk to another man in his sexy voice regardless of what time of day it is. No man should ever put down a game (madden/nba live) or turn off a game (nfl/nba) to go talk to a women... no matter how important it is. No man shall know the definition of the word, know how to make, know how to pronounce, or God forbid, eat, quiche. No man should ever have or apply for a job as a secretary or receptionist. No man should ever stand in the presence of another man naked longer than the time it takes to put on a pair of pants. Men should never go out to get ice cream together. Men should only go for ice cream if it's with their child or a female. No man shall do personal chores for other men including but not limited to doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning up, or washing a car. No man should ever have a tatoo on the small of his back. Also known as a "Tramp Stamp" When on vacation or visiting a buddy, men should never go sightseeing together. The acceptable activities are:Drinking Clubbing or partying Visiting eating establishments Sporting events Visiting family Looking for chicksWhen in doubt and you want to get a chick for your homeboy for any occasion, whether it's a bachelor's party, his birthday, he's visiting from out of town, or he just go his freedom back always get him an Asian. All men regardless of race or creed should always appreciate a good Asian.Men should not wear pajamas unless they are retired and receive some sort of pension.If you have a flat tire on a car with rims, the time limitation on riding on a spare doughnut tire is only 24 hrs. If you do not have it fixed by such time, do not let your car leave your residence unless it is going to the tire shop!!!!! Violation of this rule signifies that you can not live within your means. Faking the game should be punishable by law, not just street law....violators will be called out. A man should never use a fork and knife to eat pizza. Pizza is to be eaten with bare hands, No man should ever tie his shirt or his jacket around his waist. This act is considered to be the same thing as wearing a skirt. Women are not allowed on trips to Vegas, Brazil, and Amsterdam. These trips are reserved for the guys only. What happens in these cities, stays in the city. If you find out your chick used to be a hoe, you are to immediately stop treating her like a lady and resume treating her like a hoe. She's used to it.

My Interests

Television:

28 Things Women Should Know About Men!!!

    Stop going through our damn cell phones!!!! your gonna end up crying... We are going to look at every single womans ass we see..without exception..we cant help it so don't trip we still like your ass... When a nigga don't answer his phone it doesn't mean he's fucking someone..chances are he is high or with his niggas and doesnt feel like answering all your questions...who u wit...where u at...where u going...why cant i come....(side note-most times we don't mind answering the phone but its not cool to be in a car full of niggas and start naming the people you're with while on the phone and its always cool for you to hang with us when the time is rite...1 woman with all men fucks up the vibe no matter how cool you are..) There is a difference between a man that cheated and a cheating ass man..most men don't cheat cause it ain't that easy to get new pussy..a man that cheated may have made a mistake..a cheating ass man has no conscious and doesn't give a fuck and NEVER represents himself as a man in a relationship...its hard to tell the two apart but if you don't you could lose your man... If we jack off doesn't mean we aren't attracted to YOU..just means we wanted to jack off..simple as thatGive me space, doesn't mean get away from me. it means don't sweat me so damn hard....you can stay in my face 24-7 and still give me space..We hate dealing with emotions...if you want us to listen don't cry, don't yell and don't always try to prove a point..we wont hear you at all cause all we want you to do is SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!We want blow jobs all the time...without having to ask...when we have to ask it takes the feel good rate down like 30 pointsWhen we get something to eat, don't sit there talking bout "ummmm" while we are in the drive thru..we've been getting the same shit from the same place forever..that shit pisses us off!!!Don't say you don't care what we do tonight, but shoot down all of our suggestions then don't offer any input on what you'd like to do..then get all pissed off cause its 10:30 you"re bored at home and I'm high playing xboxWe don't like to go to your parents house...unless they drink cuss and smoke weedIf we say nothing is wrong don't ask again...sometimes a nigga just want to shut the fuck up and have a mean face for a while..Don't ask to drive our cars..Don't ask for a key to our houseDon't take our white tees every time you come overBuy us shit...we don't like sentimental shit either..clothes, Jordan's, hats, cd's..if you don't please believe someone else will..ALWAYS make us feel like the king.....even if you know better..never belittle us in front of people...Laugh at our jokes...the way to make a man happy is for him to know he makes you happy....if he feels he pleases you, you never have anything to worry about...Don't be a push over..we may act like we don't want a strong woman, but what you need and want are two different things...have an opinion..have a back bone...but don't be a BITCH " Learn to cook and clean...and enjoy doing it...youll find that the more you do it and are cool about it the more the man will want to help you...When we are sick we are big ass babies so take care of us..but everyone else better be a soldier.Don't tell your friends our business..we hate that shitDon't depend on us to make you happy...you will be let down..have your own life too..When we laugh at you or yell at you when you cry its not cause we are mean we just don't know what to do..NEVER EVER accuse us of cheating unless you are 100% sure..if a man has to constantly defend himself against imaginary shit you make up, you are sure to lose him or suffer in a distrustful dead end relationship....If you're gonna forgive him, do it wholeheartedlyChoose your arguments wisely. (max 1 per month)Be patient with him, because you know you don't have it all together- he just hasn't figured that out.