There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today?" So she did
and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today?" So she did
and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did
and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
Leave the rest to Karma
Joyce Meyer: The Power of Words
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I just wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays and say thank you for being my friend. I was just diagnosed w/ stage 2 breast cancer 1 month ago and have been through 1 surgery so far. (Lumpectomy and removal of some lymph nodes) I've been off work (I'm a Police Officer if you hadn't gathered that from my slideshow) but go back today for a couple of weeks until I start my chemo - and then I'll work a reduced schedule. During my time off I've been able to devote some time to my Teddy Bear project. (I've been trying to purchase new specially made hospital friendly Teddy Bears for the children who come into the Emergency Room on our campus - University of Toledo Medical Center) I should be getting just about 600 bears within the next couple of weeks after receiving a $3000 grant from our hospital foundation - I'm so excited! My goal is to purchase 3500-4000 bears each year as well as about 10,000 coloring books and crayons to utilize throughout the entire hospital and clinics and down the road build some play areas for visitors and their children. I began my children's cheer/ hugs for hurts project about 1 year ago and I can honestly say that it's been nice to have something else to focus on.I start several months of chemo some time after the new year followed by 2 months of radiation and there's another surgery in there somewhere. It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least, but it's just a little bump in my life and I will survive!Before my diagnosis, I had no clue that breast cancer ran in my family as no one ever talked about it. But I learned rather quickly after that I have an aunt whose survived it twice, An aunt who survived it but passed of a heart condition, and a few cousins who have survived it. My mom who passed many years ago was a survivor of ovarian cancer and I had an aunt who passed from that as well. My children and grandchildren won't be kept in the dark about their family history. Especially my daughters. I guess I can understand my mom and aunts not talking about it as they came from a time when people just didn't talk about something personal like this and it makes me grateful to be living in the era we do now, where no one is afraid to talk about anything. :)I'm telling everyone I know not to put off your annual exams with your doctor. I was going to have a mammogram done about 2 years ago but I had some other medical things going on in my life and my doctor at the time said that I could wait, but have it done before I reach 40. This past fall my new doctor suggested that I have it done, although I had another 1 1/2 years before I turned 40. She said it was up to me but that she wanted me to just go ahead and do it. I was scheduled to have it done the following week, but cancelled it as my son was having some serious health issues and I needed to get him on track, and so I did and rescheduled the mammogram for the Monday before Thanksgiving. The following Tuesday before bowling Dr. Nucklos called me and told me that the xray came back abnormal and that she wanted me to have a biopsy done. Though she asked me not to worry, and that everything would be alright (She is the sweetest woman)Naturally I worried anyway. The next morning she called me and asked me to be at the surgeon's office that afternoon to talk to him and schedule the biopsy. I went and Dr. Chaudhuri went over the xray with me and showed me where the lump was in my left breast. It was huge, how could I have missed that? Anyway, he didn't sugar coat anything and told me that he believed that it was going to be cancer and didn't want to waste any time. He did an ultrasound and biopsy right then. They drew a bunch of blood and by Saturday morning I was on the operating table having the tumor and lymph nodes removed. Dr. Chaudhuri had wanted to wait for a genetic test to come back before surgery as if I had the gene he wanted to do a double mastectomy and reconstruction too but when we found that the test would be several weeks to come back he said he wasn't waiting to take the tumor out. I'll probably be doing the double mastectomy later this coming year.(Oh by the way Dr. Chaudhuri is sweet too - he's the best there is by a landslide and my medical oncologist Dr. Inman Mohammed is the best there is too - I am in the best of hands!!!) So, what I want to say to all of you is that this is my story so far and I care about each and every one of you! Don't put off your exams, don't put off your mammograms, and do those monthly breast exams that the Dr. tells us too and we never do. If you have any questions, comments or just want to talk - let me know!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!Bear Hugs,Jeni
I've had my 1st visit with Dr. Mohamed and she is just as wonderful as everyone has said she would be. Although the wait to see her was long, as she came through the waiting room as she was arriving she said hello and asked me how I was before getting back to see her patients. In teh office she spent all the time with me that I needed. Much the way Dr. Chaudhuri had and with the same compassion, although Dr. Mohamed woman to woman laid it all out for me. We talked about the cancer and what I've been through thus far and then we talked about what was to come. Chemo being the 1st. She scheduled me for 4 cycles of 2 chemo drugs (Taxotere & Cytoxan) 21 days apart accompanied with Adavant and 2 other drugs to help with the nausea and then starting the day of chemo I begin a 3 day oral regimine of Emend, the following day I start a 3 day regimine of Dexamethasone and receive a injection of Neulasta and then in addition to this she prescribed Composine for break through nausea. I began chemo yesterday and other than being a bit exhausted, I'm doing okay. I was anticipating to be knocked on my behind for a few days, but so far that hasn't been the case. I'm anxiously awaiting my hair to fakk our now as I found a couple of wigs on Ebay from an outfitter. They're kind of long, but at the length I can take them somewhere to have them cut and styled if I want. I may purchase a shorter one for work as I only paid less than $40 including shipping for both the wigs, I made sure to purchase them from a company here in the states so that I knew that I would get them quickly. I had ordered the wigcaps through a different co. on Ebay prior to buying the wigs and I'm not having great luck with that transaction - good thing I used paypal, I'll be getting my money refunded. Okay, so anyway I'm talking to Dr. Mohamed in her office about everything and she tells me that though Dr. Chaudhuri wants to do the bilateral mastectomy, she wants to add a hysterectomy. She said that given my mom's history, I should've had that done years ago and sadly if I had, the breast cancer may never have developed. Wow, that was a shock to hear. We talked about family support and luckily I have a few people to count on, not without a bunch of stress tied to it, but its support nonetheless. I have a bunch of people outside my family praying for me and 1 who has made us a couple of casseroles (Bless her heart! - always on the days I need her most) Joanna is an angel the one person I rely on the most to cry with. It feels good to shed some tears every now and then. I try to talk about what's going on every chance I get and I think that helps keep me positive. I laugh about all of it and how its just a ripple and how funny its going to be when that 1st combative patient yanks my wig off. I try also to be upfront with my supervisor about my limitations right now. I want to try to stay out of the elements as much as possible, I'd prefer to write reports and handle the desk type stuff like investigation, and the shot gun qualifications that are upon us - no way. Everytime I go through that my shoulders are messed up with deep bruising and swelling - I can't risk the infection during chemo and I can almost guarnatee it'll happen. So I think they understand. Oh, back to Dr. Mohamed's office. The nursing staff is wonderful (Cindy was my nurse)the entire environment of care is great. The Dr. wrote my Rxs and 1 for a scalp prosthesis even though I already knew my insurance wasn't going cover it, it was sort of humoring. I have some plans to help remedy the wig situation for future employees of our institution. The doctor and the nurse went over evrything with me a few times, I guess they wanted to make sure that I didn't have any questions and they gently sent me on my way. The following Monday (yesterday) I began my chemo (Kelly was my nurse and she was phenominal.) I brought my 15 year old daughter Ashley with me. She's been so worried about me, I thought it would help ease that anxiety if she could see what was going on and that everything was okay. Kelly put us into a private room where she started my I.V. gently on the 1st try and then she asked us if either of us wanted something to drink. Ashley had hot chocolate and I had a tall apple cranberry juice. Kelly began the meds for nausea which pretty much did me in. I was tired anyway as my grandson had had a couple of rough nights and with his mamma being post-op from hernia surgery that she'd had done last Friday and on the sofa grandma stepped in to save the night for him. (Dr. Chaudhuri and his staff - Debbie, Lisa and Liz - thoughtfully was able to schedule Brittani's surgery on a couple days notice so that she could have that done and out of the way before I began my chemo)And last evening Dr. Mohamed called me to see how I was doing and how chemo went and asked if there was anything I needed. She is amazing! So here I am the day after chemo and I'll be heading up to 4AB of the hospital to get my shot of Neulasta this afternoon. Ashley has a dentist appt at 2 on the 2nd floor of the hospital. My sister Candy who has been 1 of the few family members here for me every step of the way (And she lives 20 minutes away and yet is checking up on my all the time - okay sometimes too much can get to be a bit much - but I know she loves me and mothering is what she does best - and even though I can get frustrated with the smothering and advice God knows I love her) is driving us up there and she's going to sit with Ashley while I get my poke. I'm not expecting that to be too bad. Candy's daughter Thomasina we call her Tommie has been another big help. On Christmas day she and her kids came over and Tommie, me and Candy did everything. Tommie did dishes all day long and helped prepare the foods, keep evryone fed, etc...while the sister that lives with me sat on the computer playing Everquest 2 all day long without barely saying hello to anyone.which is how it is everyday about 18 hours daily. We had family come from out of town and she didn't say hello to her brother until he did 1st and then she just turned her head back to the pc and kept doing what she was doing. fifty four and won't work - it interferes with her eq2, she's not helping out at all - she has to be asked to do dishes or any chore for that matter and she just started going to the va at Candy's suggestion for assistanec. Hopefully they'll help. though they gave her a rx for pain meds as she says that her shoulder hurts badly all the time, though not too badly to play her game all day, but anyway she tried to sell the bottle to one of my daughter's friends. She's purchased alcohol for my kids and I had to put that to a stop once I found out. She's got some issues that need to be dealt with and as her sister I can't just kick her out. I'm way to nice to do that, I have to keep remembering what Jesus would do. I am going to be blunt with her about helping out financially and with the household, we can't afford the extra bills and right now I need the help. It's hard for me to believe though that the sister that doesn't reside here is the bigger helper. sad I guess is all i can say and hopefully Cindy will see she needs help and get it. We'll see how that goes. And as things progress I'll keep adding more to this. I have begun to write about all of this in a word doc. and may consider trying to get it published when everything is through. It's a thought at least. I love to write - I've been working on a fiction novel about the mob and a son for several years now, and one time was brave enough to send the first 50 pages to a publisher. They liked it but I got cold feet and never followed through. I guess I'd rather be singing on stage somewhere - with Paul McCartney to about 50,000 people would be cool. Or at the Music in the Rockies singing gospel and praise which is where my heart is. I can see myself as the next Nicole Nordeman or something LOL. I've decided to start speaking at church as that's another thing I feel God calling me to do. I gave my 1st message the Wed after New Years and scrambling to write something I used one of Joyce Meyers letters from her website and added my own stuff, but I told everyone it was all hers. I did suprisingly well, and now I'm eager to do it again. Oh and before I close this here today I want everyone to know that the shipment of teddy bears I have been so anxiously awaiting has arrived! Woo Hoo!!!!! They are absoultely adorable. I'll take a pic of them this weekend and post it. I can't wait to start giving out the hugs!
Alrighty, have a blessed day!!!
Hugs,
Jeni
Well it's Monday Jan. 29 - Friday's echo went okay - I won't have the results back until today. The chest pain has gotten better, though I still get a little short of breath after a bunch of walking or exertion. It's probably just an adjustment period for my body. I am though still having excruciating pain in my back after doing things, with stress or coughing, sometimes just sitting - I have a constant headache, that only feels worse when I cough, my temp is up for me. My normal temp is between 96.7 & 97.2 and I'm around 99.0. I'm concerned that it may be a kidney infection or something so I'll talk to my Dr. about it today. I had a sore throat for a few days and now my sinuses are draining like crazy. It is so hard to stay healthy - I'm used to being so strong immune system wise - I've worked among "sick" people for many years and never really had anything to worry about - now I have to caution myself against the slightest sniffle. So much easier said than done, that's for sure. I also have this awful bumpy rash on my scalp that started a couple of days ago - only a few hairs have begun to shed, but this rash is driving me up a wall - I think I may go have my hair cut off in hopes that it'll alleviate some of the itching. At the very least, with the hair gone, I'll be able to put something soothing on it. I had ordered a couple of wigs and they came in - 1 isn't the right color for me so I'm going to give it to the cancer center for someone else to have. it's an ash blonde color and the picture had looked more golden - (I don't do ash very well. lol)
Yesterday I had taken a vacation day to go sing at a church about an hour away or so. It was a welcomed break from everything going on in my life.
Hugs,Jeni
Feb 6, 2007 - Wow, it's been a week since I've written anything. I've begun to feel much better this past week with the exception of my sinuses - We finally saw some snow last week and now it's beyond cold (Wind chills 20-30 below zero)Yuck! and all that sinus drainage has turned into an infection and so the doc prescribed 7 days of antibiotic so hopefully I won't have to postpone my next round of chemo come Monday. The rash on my scalp has subsided but last night my hair really started to fall out. I made an appointment with a barber/stylist to have my hair cut off and my wig styled today. Perfect timing or what? God's got my back! Oh and Open Mic night is tomorrow for anyone interested in joining us at First Baptist Church of Greater Toledo. I'm gonna sing 1 or 2 and all of you are welcome to take the stage too or just come and enjoy the entertainment. We're located at 6520 Pilliod Rd at the corner of Holland-Perrysburg Rd in Holland Ohio (just a few minutes west of Toledo - Perrysburg-Holland Rd runs N & S between Heatherdowns Blvd(I think it's called Garden Rd out that far) and Airport Hwy. I'd love to see you there!
Hugs,
Jeni
Thurs 2/8/07 Well by Tues afternoon most of my hair was gone, luckily I had already bought some chemo caps to cover my head. My son had told Jeff about it and his reply was "That's f@*#ing disgusting" to my son and where my other kids could hear him - not that he's ever been shy to speak that way about me. I guess I'm a bit hurt that a person could speak so crudely given that I'm dealing with cancer. Oh well - I can't expect change, and I'm not going to dwell on 1 person's lack of compassion. Wed. I went to Roger Simpson's Barber Shop to have the few hairs that remained on my head cut off and he also cut my wig for me. If you look at my pics, it's the longer auburn colored wig. It looks great! The wig was good quality. The other wig in the pics wasn't so great, but if I put a bandana over it you can't see the netting underneath. Ashley and Kaitlin came with me to the Barber Shop, Kaitlin was supposed to take pics while the last of my hair was being cut off, but she was afraid to get the camera out without Mr. Simpson's permission. Understandable. Anyway we got some beautifully bald shots later. After the barber shop we went to church for Open Mic Night - I sang "El Shaddai" by Amy Grant and then I sang "On My Knees" by Jaci Velasquez. I received a lot of compliments though I had to tell everyone that it's not me singing - it's God, all God, I'm just the vessel. I love singing his praises, I feel so connected to God when I sing. Maybe it sounds corny, but it's how I feel. My sinuses have been draining constantly and it's so annoying. I'm going to have to buy stock in Kleenex before the week is through. LOL. I'm having labs drawn tomorrow - hopefully I'll be good to go for chemo on Monday. I'll let you know.
Hugs,
Jeni
Well the labs were good and so round 2 was Monday. "Ding Ding". I was smart and took the entire week off of work, I guess I learned my lesson last round trying to go back to work too soon. I haven't yet decided whether this gets any better as you get through each round - but I can't wait to get it over with. I've received so many compliments and have received so much support from friends and co-workers and I don't care what anyone says - it is so needed. The little hugs, pats on the shoulder and kind words go a long way in helping me get through it all. I am truly blessed to have so many people that care. I've though about joining a group or something at least once a month where I can hang out with other patients and survivors. I just have to find one that peaks my interest. I haven't seen any musical group of any kind, but I did see a group that paints. I haven't painted in years, I'm thinking this could be a lot of fun. I've never painted with a group before but I love to create, so why not do it among new friends? I'll have to give up bowling once a month - but the league will be ending in another month or so, so it's not bad timing.
I haven't lost much other hair yet - My eyebrows and arms have thinned, and legs and armpits haven't really shown much interest in growing back after the last shave (Not that I mind that one bit) Who knows if it'll all fall out. Everyone has different results I guess. I have an array of scarves but few of them are quite wide enough - or I'm just not tying them correctly. Practice will make perfect I'm sure. Of course it's been so darn cold here that I'm just covering them with a nice warm fleece hat anyway. I hope that the ground hog wasn't dreaming when he fortold of an early spring. I'm thinking he was getting his April Fool's Day joke in ahead of schedule.
Can you believe that we've already gone through a couple of cases of teddy bears in the Emergency Room? I'm going to have to get on some sort of fundraiser pretty soon just to make sure that we don't run out. I'll let you know what I come up with. Alright well, have a blessed day everyone!!!!
Hugs,
Jeni
Well it's been a couple of weeks since I've written anything. I was so exhausted most of the time. the weekend after my last chemo I started running a temp and found myslef in the emergency room. The doc put me on another round of antibiotics. I don't think it helped much. Last Monday I attended the funeral of one of our city's police officers that was killed in the line of duty. It was understandably pretty somber. There were thousands of officers that turned out to pay their respects. Health wise it was a very hard day for me. I was feeling quite weak and my heart had been fluttering to the point of it taking my breath away. I had worked all weekend and worked the rest of the day following the funeral. It was difficult to get through the evening, but I managed anyway. I was scheduled to be off the next couple of days, so I thought I could just suck it up. I bowled on Tues evening and that was hard too. My scores weren't nearly what they should've been, but it was nice to be with friends. Wed night I had church and even getting up to sing was a struggle. But I did and then Thursday I called off of work. All I wanted to do all week was sleep and my sinuses were still draining some and I was coughing. I called the doc and she put me on yet another round of antibiotics. Friday I had my labs drawn and I worked that day and Sat, though I was still tired, short of breath and coughing and my heart was still having issues. Sun I had taken a vacation day to go to McClure Methodist Church to sing with my church. I was so tired and short of breath I was only able to manage to get through 2 songs. Monday morning the Dr.'s office called and told me that my labs came back showing taht my hemoglobin was down to 4 and they wanted me to come in right away to get redrawn. So I did and it was up to 7. I was told that low hemoglobin is stressful on the heart and that my coughing was from that. I received 2 units of blood out-patient and the doc cancelled the chemo altogether. She said that the tumor was small enough that she felt confident that 2 rounds would be enough and that we would begin radiation soon. The doc told me to do as little as possible for a while so that my heart could recuperate. I had more labs drawn yesterday and I asked the tech how long before the doc would have the results and she said if it was critical low the lab would let someone know right away. I asked her why I wasn't called about the Friday labs until Monday, and she said she didn't know. I'm a little concerned about it. I don't know how long my hemoglobin was as low as it was on Friday. I'm thinking that it could have been as early as the weekend before, and thinking back to the way I'd been feeling, it could've been even lower. I'm more concerned that I wasn't contacted on Friday and I worked and added uneeded stress to my heart. I guess it scares me to know how critical the situation was and that I could've gone into cardiac arrest at any moment. I'd restrained 1 patient and luckily it wasn't too much of a struggle. I was close to having to give chase to another patient, but fortunately he thought better of it. I guess I keep running through these what ifs in my head and thinking, my goodness, I'm still here. Though if I'd coded at work, I'd be in the right place at least. :) And then on top of it all I'm wondering if the 2 rounds of chemo was truly enough and should I worry about the cancer coming back. I'll see the doc again in 2 weeks and hopefully she'll be able to put my mind at ease.
Sun night I found a small mass in my right breast. Yesterday I saw my surgeon and he's scheduled me for an ultrasound on Monday - hopefully it's not anything to worry about - I'll let ya know next week. He agreed with me about the 2 rounds of chemo - it's not enough. The oncologist though feels that the chemo caused my hemoglobin to drop and not the menses that I'd experienced for nearly 3 weeks (Chemo causes early menopause - which I expected)even though all my labs prior had been 11.9 and better. Of course this is the same oncologist that is adamant, based on the pathologist's report, that my tumor was only 1.2 mm even after I advised that it was close to 2 cm. I spoke with my surgeon about that and he said he'd call her as the tumor was definitely not 1.2 mm, the invasive portion of a slice of the tumor was 1.2 mm. I get that and understand that the pathologist only had portions of the tumor. If 1.2 mm of a thin slice of a 2cm tumor was invasive cancer, then there's in all likelihood much more of the overall tumor was as well. Anyway, he got no where with the oncologist and decided to just go straight to radiation. I'll hear something this week from radiation oncology. I also had the nurse at the surgeon's office pull the labs and my labs on March 2nd didn't show that my hemoglobin was 4 grams, but 7.9 instead. Still very low, but who knows what the nurse was looking at when she called me last Monday. I'm losing confidence in my cancer center if I haven't lost it altogether already, so I called the Cancer Treatment Center of America and they're checking with my insurance to see if they're covered. My insurance is self referring and anything outside the network is covered 60/40. I'm not sure how I'll be able to afford that and knowing that I'll be running out of sick time within the next month or two is concerning. I'll let you know what happens.
Hugs, Jeni
Wow its been a little bit since I've written - I ended up restarting chemo this past Monday. I spoke to my oncologist and she listened to me. SO 1 more round to go. Then radiation. I had the ultrasound and it came back okay. My daughter too had found a mass that was checked out - she too is okay. I saw the radiation oncologist this past week to discuss the treatment plan after chemo. He said that if I plan to have a bi-lateral mastectomy that there's no sense in doing the radiation. I need to speak to the surgeon about it and make a decision. He also told me that the cyst on my liver hadn't remarkably changed since 2004. What cyst? I had never been informed that I had one and just how do they know from a CT that it's only a cyst and nothing more? Don't they have to do more testing to say for sure? Anyway, I called my medical oncologist's office and they assure me that it's nothing to worry about. Do I accept that or demand it be checked out?
I came back to work light duty - it'll be long term and I'm fighting to ensure that I don't have to take a substantial paycut. Like I could afford a paycut right now and long term. I used to love coming to work and just being a part of the department - it isn't the case anymore. Since a recent merger, our department has been pretty much taken over by another department. None of the employees from our department has been treated equitably in the process and its just simply becoming a stressful place to be. I realize that this cancer is going to be a long time fighting and it's going to be a long time before I can do my job the way I used to - if ever. I guess then for me this cancer has been a blessing. God is opening up other doors for me - I just haven't begun to see what he has in store. A different job, a different department, who knows? I just know that I trust him and am leaving all in his hands.
April 17, 2007
Well I received that pay cut. close to $6 an hour. I'm still fighting it, so we'll see what happens in teh end. I finished my last round of chemo last week and was pretty sick over this past weekend. I'm still exhausted but I know I'll start feeling better the further away from the chemo I get. I will be starting radiation soon. I have an appt. tomorrow to get measured and everything. I can't wait. :) I'll also be having one of my anticipated surgeries soon, probably before I begin the radiation. Since the radiation will no doubt destroy a portion of my left lung it makes sense to try and do at least one of the surgeries while my lungs are in good health. And by doing the surgery while I'm already on light duty will keep the total time spent on light duty down. My employer should appreciate that, not that they will though. My job has been the cause of so much stress for me through these last several months and it doesn't seem to get any better. I was told that I have to start training in the office on the other campus for a while. Like I could use one more stresser, so they throw something else at me. Anyway, one day at a time I suppose and I'm leaving it all in God's hands. I'll let him worry about it all for me. :)
April 27, 2007
Well, I was all set to have a partial hysterectomy Wed April 25th but my hemoglobin dropped down into the 7 range again this past weekend and I was admitted into the hospital. I guess I understand why they tell you to avoid stress - it creates problems such as the bleeding I was experiencing. Anyway, so they gave me 2 units of blood but it only raised my level to 8.2 so I received 2 more units which brought me up close to 10 so rather than run the risk of my hemoglobin dropping again before Wed, emergency surgery was done Mon night. It ended up being a total hysterectomy and things went well. Being the stubborn gal that I am, I was getting up out of bed within a few hours of surgery. The doc had me on a PCA pump so that I could get pain meds whenever I needed it, and I used it sparingly at first, however I got smart relatively quickly and am glad I did. I was able to come home Wed, a couple days ahead of schedule. I'll be off work for a couple of weeks at least and even after that I'll be extremely limited in what I can do for 6 - 8 weeks. I hate not being able to do things for myself, so I can't wait to be back in the saddle again. My sister had a mammogram that had come back abnormal, and after all the follow-up testing - everything's okay. Woo hoo! Alrighty, have a blessed day everyone!!!
Hugs, Jeni
May 8, 2007
Well, I'm still shuffling around at the speed of a turtle following surgery. I have no clue how long it'll be before I'm back to my old self, but I can't wait. I thought for sure that the pain would be completely gone by now, but I guess I was being a bit too optimistic. :) This surgery certainly forced me to slow down. I don't have a choice right now. I went to a "Look Good, Feel Better" seminar yesterday, and what fun! It was nice to get together with other women facing some of the same challenges that I am and learning to put on a face despite the hair loss and such.
I bought a fire pit yesterday and was hoping to roast marshmallows with the kids last night, but I forgot to buy firewood. :) So I will do that today so that we can be eating smores tonight :) It'll be fun to say the least.
Alrighty have a blessed day everyone!!!!
May 23, 2007
It's been a couple of weeks, it seems the time is just flying by. :)
I had a birthday last week and feel just blessed to be able to say that. Though I know that treatment for breast cancer is so much better today than it was years ago, I can't help but find moments that I used to take for granted a bit sobering.
I thank GOD every day for giving me all of my friends for support. (That means all of you too) I am truly blessed!
Yesterday I had my 1st dose of radiation. It went well. Much faster than I expected and though the treatment itself wasn't painful I did feel a bit tired earlier in the day than I normally do. I'm due back to work next Monday so I'm going to have to take this week and figure out just what my daily limitations are going to be so I can ensure that I'm getting enough rest to make it through an entire shift. Normally I'd be excited to get back to work, I'm not anymore.
I've spoken to dozens of health science campus employees in various departments over the last month or so and am finding that its not just my department that's feeling discouraged with the treatment of the employees on our campus since the merger. It seems to be pretty much campus wide. Employees from the lowest paying jobs to some of the highest, they've told me the same thing. The merger was a bad idea - and our once beloved campus is suffering. We're not the family that we once were and whether intentional or not, administration is creating separation among the ranks. But why should admin care? Regardless of what happens to all of us or what we like or don't like, They get their nice pay check and are accountable to no one. It's not the way to run a business however. In time that will become abundantly clear. When revenue begins to fall back into the red and productivity slips all because "they" felt it neccessary to become dictators and trample the once positive attitudes of their employees. Admin should be more like coaches. And all coaches know that without players (employees) you don't have a team. If you don't have a team, well then I guess you're not playing are you? You'd be forfeting every game. I think that admin is trying to mend some of this by hosting "Town Hall" meetings on each of the campuses on a regular basis, however the same people show up to these things time and time again. They're not going to get to the root of the way everyone is feeling this way. It's a nice concept, but its not working. If they want honesty and to get to the heart of the workforce then t hey need to talk to us on a more personal level. If they want to have a meeting, limit that meeting to a department at a time, or stop a few people in the halls. Ask us how we feel about the merger and how its going. How do we feel we're being treated in all of this and why we feel that way. Ask us how we think things could be better, what could be improved, what could be done to make us trust our leadership again. If these things aren't done, it's almost a guarantee that the workplace environment is going to become increasingly more hostile (Job security for my department I guess)over time not to mention that good employees are going to start seeking employment elsewhere to try to get back what they've lost here. Money is only important to a point, its definitely not what keeps most people around though, atmosphere and trust are. We used to have both of those things here - even though all of the positions here were paid well be1ow the average, people stuck around because they felt part of a family. Now the only thing we have is the knowledge that our co-workers can identify with how miserable we're feeling so we have somewhat of a common bond there, and that's pretty much it. Is that really what our leadership wants? I truly hope not. I hope that they're inetrested in fixing the hole that the rain is pouring in.
Have a Blessed Day everyone!!!
July 7, 2007. Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. My last round of radiation is this coming Monday. HOORAY! (It's kind of funny - 1 boob has this awesome tan - and the rest of me is so white. LOL) And my hair is growing (It's so dark) - I don't have to wear a wig or cap anymore. WOO HOO! I'm excited about that. It's just too hot for either of them. (The hair sort of looks like Hally Berry - only cuter - LOL) And just as I'm readying to celebrate I learn that there's something in my thyroid that has to be biopsied and my lymph nodes in my neck are all enlarged. The surgeon took my hands and told me to take a little break for a few days and forget about everything before we get into this. He's right I do need a break, so I'm going to try. I'd love to go to Florida or somewhere beautiful and see the ocean (The only time I saw the ocean was in Virginia Beach in the winter time when my dad and I went to visit my brother who was stationed down there - it was cold!), but that's just too expensive, so maybe I'll take the kids to a nearby KOA and pitch a tent for a night or 2. We'll see. On the 22nd I'm going to give a concert at church just in case this turns out to be something and I'm not able to sing for a while. I'm leaving everything in God's hands and trust he knows what he's doing. I'm thinking that he's really using me as a miracle for someone - Whoever it is though, I wish they'd hurry up and get the message. LOL.
Here's a little message I wrote to give at church on the 22nd. I don't know that I'll use it, but I think it's nice.
You know there’s an old saying “Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.†My brother Thom once told me that the same could be applied to prayer. “Be careful what you pray for.†Patience is something that I used to pray for quite often, and well, I believe Jesus answered that prayer. He’s handing me quite the test.
Patience isn’t something that you can desire to have one day saying “God, I need patience, make me a patient person†and then just wake up the next morning and voila God has waved his magic wand and suddenly whoa, nothing gets to you anymore. No, patience is something that can only be acquired through endurance. Grandparents may know what I’m talking about. Have you ever noticed that when you become a grandparent you seem to have more patience with your grandchildren that you did with your own children when they were growing up? It isn’t simply because we’re older and have “maturedâ€, it’s because we’ve been there done that with our own kids and in enduring that we’ve learned patience.
The road to patience is different for everyone. Some may endure a bunch of smaller events over a long period of time while others may have everything dumped on them all at once. When it’s all said and done though, Jesus endured the most when he sacrificed his life on that cross so that you and I would have the most glorious reward in the end, a place with him in heaven.
When I think of endurance and patience one person comes to mind. Job. He has to be the most patient, the most faithful and no doubt the strongest mortal man this world has ever known. And you know what? God didn’t fail him. In fact God blessed Job in so many ways. I look at my life and I know that God is blessing me. What I have endured and what I’ve yet to face pales in comparison to what Job went through to glorify God, so I say if that’s what it takes to praise him, Jesus bring the rain!
OH! I'm almost forgot! I've created an account with The University of Toledo Foundation for my Teddy Bear program. It's called "The Children's Cheer Fund" and anyone can now donate to it! Employees can designate donations payroll deduct if they wish, all they have to do is call the foundation and let them know and the foundation will send them a pledge card to fill out. 100% of the donations go into the fund. We're going to use the money to buy bears, coloring books and crayons, build, update, and maintain play areas, eventually I'd like to buy car seats, helmets, etc...and my ultimate goal is to build a pediatric hospital at UTMC. Dr. Krol the chair of UTMC Pediatrics has agreed to be the co-chair for the program and we have big dreams to serve the kids of our community. I'm very excited and see this as such a blessing for everyone. If you have any questions or want more info on what you can do to donate, let me know!
God bless each of you!
Jeni
Augsut 16 2007 - Well my daughter turned 19 the other day and wow am I feeling old. I remember when I was her age. I was getting married and before I turned 20 I was pregnant with her. As each of my kids celebrate a birthday I can't help but think about their futures and pray that I've raised them well. I wish them to be good people and a joy to everyone around them and that when they get to be my age they can look back and be proud of the life they've led. I pray that they'll be able to find strength in God to be the best they can possibly be. Being a parent is one of my favorite titles and it doesn't come without it's struggles. Especially with teenagers. One minute they love you and the very next they hate you and can bring you to tears. I love my children very much and not any one more than another. (Of course all of them perceive it much differently - and it's impossible to make them understand) I wouldn't trade any one of my children for anything even at they're weakest moments, I still love them so very much.
Okay, so I've had a lot going on with my health. The biopsy was not a success but the ultrasound had found a few more growths 1 of decent size so the Dr scheduled me for a thyroid uptake test. The test came back low but my enzymes were in normal range so they think that I may have had some iodine in my system from a CT done in June and I'll have to repeat the test in a few months. They set me up for a swallow test too. I don't have those results back yet. The Doc did another ultrasound and CT which showed that my lymph nodes in my neck had gone down as had the thyroid growth. Isn't that answered prayer? The CT came back with a calcification in my brain though that wasn't there in June or last fall. I saw a Neurologist and I'll be having a MRI on Tues. I had my PET scan done last week and hopefully I'll get the results of that back soon. I'm positive that God has a plan for me and so I am putting everything in his hands where it should be and trusting him 100%.
I entered a couple of contests through Gibson - one was an Essay and the other was a songwriting contest so pray for success.
Okay well everyone have a blessed day!
Jeni
April 8, 2008
I have not written anything in ages it seems. It's been many months, so let me try to give an abridged version of what's happened since August. My PET scan and MRI came back okay. The neurologist put me on something to help with headaches and some muscle and balance symptoms and it's helped remarkably well, but it also helped me put on a few pounds too. So I'll have to get to working that off (Gotta have my summer body LOL - I've been working on it for years) The nodules in my thyroids that presented last summer disappeared, but then one reappeared and I had to have my left thyroid out a month ago. The Dr. released me to return to work light duty last week, but my employer is not allowing me. The Dr office is writing the release for a 3rd time now. The 1st one was not specoific enough as to what I could and could not do. The 2nd the Dr. stated desk duty only, and now they have requested my surgeon to read through an 8 page job description and from the list of duties within write which ones I can and cannot do. What a burden on the Dr.'s office and meanwhile I am at home with no income whatsoever. ANd I have to pay for my medical insurances out of my own pocket with the money I don't have. Swell, huh? Well the best news out of this is that the nodule was not cancer and I have my voice back. I've also decided to pursue a lay pastoral license. It's going to take me a couple of years, but it'll be worth the work.
I'm working on a screenplay with an awesome production company out west. Great people! They have a couple of films coming out this year "SHATTERED HEROES" and "THE PENTAGON MEMO" Look for them when they come out. You won't be disappointed, I promise you!
I entered a song into the American Idol Songwriting Competition. I'm hoping it makes the final cuts to be voted on. The recording wasn't the greatest but they stipulated that they weren't interested in the quality or even how good or bad the person saing it sounded. They were after the song itself. So Pray and keep your fingers crossed!!!
I'm working on compiling a new CD and I just received our business cards for our full band and our 2 pc. acoustic set up. I'm working on the brochure and already finished the tee-shirt design. I'll be working on bookings very very soon. It looks like we may have a 15-20k gig later this summer. I'm really excited about being back out on stage again. If you or anyone you know is looking for some entertainment let me know. We do some originals and a variety of covers from 1960's to hits of today, and all appropriate for ears of any age. Also we offer quality studio recording at reasonable rates.
Okay well have a blessed day!!!!
Jeni
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