Miss [Fucking] B.A.D

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I was born and raised in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for eighteen years of my life.
Like many other people, I realized life was no fairytale. My Mother and Father are amazing,
very strong willed people. I admire them and love them more than anything in the
Those years were some of the hardest, the fighting, the flashing of cop
and it made me stronger. Ever since I was a young kid
I’ve loved the arts, and throughout most of my education I chose music as my major.
I started playing trumpet in the second grade and kept playing until my senior year of High School.
Piano came around my freshman year, a little bit of drum lessons started around the same time,
and cello at the end of my junior year. I went through two High Schools – I was never the best
student, to be honest. Cutting class was introduced to me in High School,
I did it every now and then in elementary
school, but in High School it became a habit. Of course I know it wasn’t the
smartest decision for me to make, honestly I wish I would have went to class like I was
supposed to! I’d go get stoned in the stairwell or hallway, bathroom or just plain
out leave the building and not come back!
High School was an adventure, I admit, it had it’s good times and it’s bad. Cliques and stereotypes always
were harsh to me, I was never skinny, always had some chub to me. Through the drinking and drugs,
I found something that made me truly, utterly, and overly happy. Photography. How I
came around it is actually a very funny story, I wanted to model at first. But silly
me, I was seventeen, and definitely NOT model material – I found a photographer who ended up
being sleazy, and tried to get me to take my shirt off to take nude pictures. Of course I refused!
That experience was horrible, the pictures he took of me were embarrassing,
and I was completely mortified. To have your confidence go down to
below zero is a shitty feeling, and I never had much confidence at that age to begin with.
One day a light bulb lit up and I decided to start taking pictures of people – it was an experiment, and my conclusion was this..
That being behind the camera gave me the power to take amazing pictures, to
make people feel good about themselves, when I took pictures that satisfied them.
I used my initials, B.A.D ( Bianca Ann Davis ) as my copy write, and before I knew it people
were hearing about me, seeing my work online. I worked with models like Kaleigh and Key,
and friends like Natalia and TJ. It helped me cope, finally something that I
didn’t have to snort, smoke, or drink! Around the time I was in my second High School
( had the choice to either transfer from my first one, or be expelled ),
I was a senior, and doing horribly academic wise. I met a guy named Justin on Myspace,
I saw his pictures were taken by Digital Happy Meal ( who is an amazing artist ) and complimented them.
He responded, we started talking – he was working for a website called Perverse Fixation,
and they were looking for photographers. I was let onto the PF team, and did one set for
them, but before the set I did could be posted, I left the site with Justin due to
some personal complications. He offered me something, a plane ticket to Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was my chance to get away from Philadelphia,
to get away from those bad memories and frustration. I felt suffocated in Philadelphia..
I accepted his invitation, I dropped out of High School and left about two weeks later.
In my head I was leaving to fulfill my dream of being a photographer, I was leaving all the pain behind and starting a new.
Getting off that plane in Albuquerque is something I will always remember,
I’ll always remember seeing Justin for the first time. Though, after five months, and the project that Justin and I were
supposed to launch never coming into light, something happened..
I was fired from my job at Abandon Form and Cube Design Studios, a company Justin and I both were employed at.
I don’t know how to explain the emotions and thoughts that went through me at the time,
but it wasn’t pleasant. We all grew apart, mainly Justin and I. It was my fault, and it was his.
The last thing Justin said to me before he left for good was something I’ll always remember and cherish in my heart.
I got over the hump though, learning that is was alright to be alone.
A part of me hates Justin for what he did to me, he abandoned me, but another part of me loves him, and thanks him for it all.
I thank him for all the tears, all the pain, all the arguing, and also for the smiles, the hugs, those
drives in his car to the mountains and on the outskirts of the city. The experience with Justin made me grow as a person.
Ever since then I’ve been making it on my own, struggling but surviving, living from
paycheck to paycheck. I have had my apartment for about six months now, and I love it, it’s my home.
One main thing I have learned over the passing time is.. Who the fuck cares what
other people think of you! Who cares if they don’t approve of what I do, what I wear, how I eat, what music I listen to –
I’m me, and that is enough. I’m going to do what makes me happy, I’m going to go party hopping
every night if I want, I’ll run down the street screaming like an idiot.
Right now I have four tattoos ( there will be more ), septum pierced, and my ears stretched to an inch ( and, oh yes, they will get bigger ).
Things aren’t going to be easy, but I’m going to face whatever comes my way. I’m living my life, and I’m loving it.
I’m torn, but I’m not broken. This stage in my life is either going to make
me or break me. I’m learning, I’m living! I’m loving, I’m giving!
I’m making something of myself.
So to all I have offended – fuck you too!!
And too all the people
I offeneded
FUCK YOU TOO!!

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