kalamity j profile picture

kalamity j

not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good!

About Me

class, raise your hand if you give a shit.

My Interests

self-destructive habits and time wasting. or what you hippies call 'art' namely
-writing -dancing -drinking -drawing -dreaming -rhyming -singing -smoking -cuddling -piddling my precious fleeting life away.
and i love people, they're so endearingly disappointing. just like me.

i'm also very interested in anything funny. like your face. hee.

I'd like to meet:

sugardaddies and other suckers.

Music:

i'm driven by the beat. it makes me move. it makes me sing. it makes me groove. it makes me dream. it makes me grab a pen and do my thing. i wish i knew more about it. i wish i knew more about everything. teach me something, and i'll respect you. deceive me, and i won't.

i like shit that makes my soul growl and my ass shake. that makes my body feel like it's got something to prove. and it does. so drop a beat.

i like album covers and records esp. if theyre old. it's as if they tell a story before you ever play them. everywhere you look, is a piece of a story, a beat on the drum.

i hum in the shower. i often sing the blues, quite literally. touch me in the right place, and i'll sing them for you. and believe it or not, i'll sing them softly, soulfully, and in the place of tears. that's what keeps me young. well that and a really sharp pencil i used to alter my birth certificate.

for those of you who need listed specifics, fuck off. but here goes, to name a few: amon tobin, aesop rock, ugly duckling, edan, jedi mind tricks, j5, early 90's hiphop in general. nas, oldold prince, pfunk, any funk, james brown, oh oh i like old torch songs, billie holiday, records so old with recordings so strained that they make the popple sound, otis redding, horace silver, the BEATLES (esp rubbersoul...with revolver at a close 2nd), classic rock in general especially if it reminds me of my mommy, disco!...no i'm serious, i love disco. don't hate. GOOD house music...no not BAD house music--there is totally a difference so step off.
sage franics, saul williams, or anyone who can create rich cadence, heartfelt depth, and resonating thought with their lyrics (please recommend!),
um on anutha tip howbout freq nasty, TIPPER, uberzone, and lotsa other bassy ass breaks, jungle/dnb, dj hype, bassnectar, squarepusher but not the really weird stuff, downtempo, mum, air, portishead, prefuse 73 and all sorts of goodies under the 'electronic' umbrella. kid koala, peanut butter wolf, insane turntablists but who dont forget that they're playing a song and not just doing pinkyfinger acrobatics,dubstep, hot chip,glitch mob...doo doo doo la-laalaaaaa...

Movies:

the nightmare before christmas. like water for chocolate. mystery train. jesus christ superstar. harold and maude. city of god. fear and loathing. jacob's ladder. the freshest kids. drunken master. being john malkovich. boogie nights. requiem for a dream. SCRATCH. Friday. KUNG FU HUSTLE. the royal tennenbaums. the pillow book. chung king express. oldboy. drugstore cowboy. trainspotting. shaun of the dead. barfly. virgin suicides.

Hey have any of you people seen Attack of the Killer Clowns from Outer Space? Cool points if you have. Hot points if you liked it!
hey, check out with turntable mastermind: kid koala has been up to:

Television:

never touch the stuff. and i'm not admitting anything publically about my love for ANTM.

Books:

MOTHER'S URN: MEMOIR DUST....
SICK!...(my next inkpen joint...)

the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy; Lolita; the BFG; fear and loathing in las vegas; where the sidewalk ends; THE THESAURUS; the teachings of don juan; frankenstein; geek love; alice's adventures in wonderland and through the looking glass; the alchemist; the books of oz;

journals with filled pages; journals with pages left to fill...bah, fuck it. i am completely illiterate in most languages anyway. i had someone once tell me 'you haven't read enough to be a real writer.' that person is an asshole. a very correct assshole. so folks, im not a real writer. i'm a wooden writer. gee gepetto, i wish i were a real writer.

Heroes:

naomi my homey

tommy chong. that guy who left a 20 behind at the atm. thai restaurants that deliver. and my drug dealer bless his heart.

but seriously, i fucking love you banksy.
..hmm, i also woudln't mind having Slug's address. I'd like to mail him my best underwear. What.

My Blog

A Funeral Service

  The time machine waits;it is just exactly as if it weremoving, though idle and it issomehow standing upright while stillin line and circuiting all around the stubbornly bending minutes. It is i...
Posted by kalamity j on Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:09:00 PST

uh, two poems that im not deleting, fine

two poems.     1.Writing Letters   Take off your shirt so that I may scratch my name,like writing into soft cement--a poem toget onto your back. Boy, I want to lay outthe letters of wh...
Posted by kalamity j on Sun, 15 Jun 2008 03:11:00 PST

why life is awesome--true story

1. yesterday at dance practice, we had some guests. one of them was an asian woman in a blue track suit. she was proably pushing 50 and had a short fro perm in her hair. she, with a partner who was an...
Posted by kalamity j on Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:49:00 PST

the mean (of writing) babyface

uh, im not sure of the title but i think this might suck anyway. maybe i'll erase it. i kinda wish i didnt write it but i was asked to but i didnt mean to write somethign 'mean'   the mean (of wr...
Posted by kalamity j on Wed, 11 Jun 2008 01:07:00 PST

clown mouth

eh, im not so happy with this. but the story i'm writing keeps sucking so let's change it up randomly and at will   clown mouth   With regulated parting,words came out of himas if I had been...
Posted by kalamity j on Wed, 28 May 2008 03:40:00 PST

a piece of what im doing right now

k, im over the poetery for right now. and am working on a real story. stories are in the air i suppose. im envisioning a shortnovel sized collection of interconnecting shorts. whatever that means. &nb...
Posted by kalamity j on Tue, 13 May 2008 01:24:00 PST

one day done in the drain

the drain The drain is done malfunctioning.It has already coughed up the clutches of held hairclung to from both places with such crazy that it was torn from roots and these remnan...
Posted by kalamity j on Thu, 08 May 2008 04:08:00 PST

the study of tears

shit, i almost forgot to mentiont that this is utter garbage. what if one of you got away without noticing that THE STUDY OF TEARS Recently, i was formulatingsentences with sticks,into the dirt....
Posted by kalamity j on Wed, 07 May 2008 02:21:00 PST

dudes, youre not missing anything

i like how the private blog that no one can see is the most popular. maybe because you can't see it, it's the best thing of mine you've ever read. i'm just too lazy to open up word again and it's a to...
Posted by kalamity j on Sat, 03 May 2008 11:35:00 PST

clocked--rewrite

hmm this needs trimming but its not as terrible as it read the first time around.   clocked   Like a bitchslap of a busride to no placein particular, I just emerged from some timepiece and ...
Posted by kalamity j on Sat, 03 May 2008 04:15:00 PST