Kevin Turvey - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Good evening armchair Britain. My name's Kevin Turvey. Why? er I dunno somebody gave it to me. I wasn't consulted! You think they might've asked wouldn't you? I mean, its me that has to go round being called Kevin Turvey by people. It makes me sick! I'll tell you what makes me REALLY sick though... Drinking a pint of salt water and jamming your fingers down your throat. That makes me REALLY sick that does. And then you get this terrible pain in the back of your head and you go "Ow stop hitting me mum" and she says "What's all this sick?" and you say "Well, it's mainly vegetables... and there's some cornflakes in there ... and a cup of tea or two..." Anyway it's a horrible business being sick. I try to avoid doing it wherever possible. Especially on the television. Cos, like, it gets down the back and makes the picture go all wiggly. And all the programmes start to stink. Even Fame!

My Interests

Going to the library, drinking Pernod, investigating things and then reporting on them afterwards, bus tickets, news at ten, Tesco's, fish (that I like), them nasty little sticky things that you stick things to walls with, "Keep Off The Grass" signs, powdered rhino's horn, wriggly dances, shark fishing, dirty book shops, undertakers, bandages, going to sleep in the park, coco pops, boiled eggs, smashing down the wall next to the fridge, vimto, those little holes that you can look through and see everything all big outside, the record mirror, Whales (that's the fish not the place... I mean the area, not the plaice that's the fish)