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Stephen

As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.

About Me


Copyright 2008 SMBpublishing
As the Irish are fond of saying:
Life is a strange lad.
I don't care what it is I'm doing, I just love the act of doing it. I love the feel of being alive. And I feel it on reaching the summit of a mountain after a treacherous weeklong ascent as intensely as I feel it sitting in my apartment for hours, like a cat, transfixed by nothing. If I'm dissatisfied with what's going on around me I move away from it toward that which makes me more comfortable.
I don't rely on material things for such comfort, though I've a fondness for some material things and an outright fascination with others. CD's are nice, for instance, but the ratchet wrench and the particle accelerator will never cease to boggle my mind. I'm not particularly interested in knowing how any of these things work, though I'm always amazed by the fact that they do - or that we, as humans, do.
For instance, I've never gotten over the fact that we eat - it still blows my mind that we eat! And I love to eat! I love breathing, especially feeling the ebb and tide of my chest while drifting off to sleep. I love feeling my own heart beating while lying in bed at night realizing where I am in relation to the universe and all of eternity.
And don't even get me started on sleep and dreams. I mean, where do we go?! I am still so freaked out by this that sometimes I close my eyes at night, like you do right before the scary part of your favorite carnival ride or a dive off the cliff's edge into the water, and I say: "Okay, here we go!" Then I wake up and it appears to be a different day. No one can tell me that's anything but freakin' weird and worthy of celebration.
Copyright 2008 SMBpublishing
So to celebrate I eat! And I laugh! I love to laugh until I cry and I love to cry. I love my friends, my job, and the written word - I love to read and write. I love music and dance. I love plays, the cinema, and every form of art - especially, the design and the architecture of us. I'm obsessed with beauty, which I seek out in everyone and everything.
I tend to be a loner but I love being in social situations. You might have to drag me out but I'm usually pleased that you did. Though once out, everything sets my mind to fire with thoughts / ideas so, at times I may appear distracted or self-absorbed. I'm discouraged by the fact that staring isn't socially acceptable behavior - I stare at everyone and everything because I am utterly and totally blown away by it all!
I love the open window, the closed door, the chance encounter, the conversation, the passing glance, and the passion of the struggle for a cause, to mention but a few. And I am particularly fond of the letter, though a postcard will suffice. It's true what someone once said about me: I believe in everything - just not all at once.
"How strange it is to be anything at all." - NMH
What cheer, eh?
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I am also the proprietor of a small press called So Many Birds publishing [SMBp] which was founded in 1999 and formerly published Harness literary magazine.
Go to So Many Birds publishing for more information.
View more of my photography on Myspace at: Mercury images .
Visit my vegan Myspace page at: Vegan 101 .

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More about me:
Copyright 2008 SMBpublishing
Out of the cradle endlessly rocking
- Walt Whitman
Out of the cradle endlessly rocking
Out of the mocking-bird's throat, the musical shuttle,
Out of the Ninth-month midnight,
Over the sterile sands and the fields beyond, where the child
leaving his bed wander'd alone,
bareheaded, barefoot
Down from the shower'd halo,
Up from the mystic play of shadows twining and twisting as if they were alive,
Out from the patches of briers and blackberries,
From the memories of the bird that chanted to me,
From your memories sad brother, from the fitful risings and fallings I heard,
From under that yellow half-moon late-risen and swollen as if with tears,
From those beginning notes of yearning and love there in the mist,
From the thousand responses of my heart never to cease,
From the myriad thence-arous'd words,
From the word stronger and more delicious than any,
From such as now they start the scene revisiting,
As a flock, twittering, rising, or overhead passing,
Borne hither, ere all eludes me, hurriedly,
A man, yet by these tears a little boy again,
Throwing myself on the sand, confronting the waves,
I, chanter of pains and joys, uniter of here and hereafter,
Taking all hints to use them, but swiftly leaping beyond them,
A reminiscence sing.

My Interests

Life isn't about being,
it's about becoming.


Always: Beauty, Humanity, Philosophy, Physics, Time / Space, Words / Logos, Language, Books, Music, Theatre, Photography, The three R's [Reading, Writing, Mathematics], Coincidence / Synchronicity, The Jester / The Fool, The Fates [and their freakin' loom], Veganism, Boys, Boys who can read, Boys who carry paperback books in their back pockets, Boys who can spell, Boys who wear knives on their belts [and can spell], Boys who carry pocket watches.

I'll come running to tie your shoe.
As of late: Black cherry tea, Apple cobbler, Whole and raw vegan food, Hanging out with Julian, Missing Nick, Autumn, Holding off the rain, Reading, Exploring new cafes, The night sky, The beauty that surrounds us, Full moons, Chamomile tea, [Still] trying to write the novel, Writing short fiction and [In]verse, Sitting and Listening, Taking photographs, Taking photographs at night, Long bike rides, Pondering, Long conversations and Silence

Neptune [God of The sea, God of Earthquakes and Horses], Hermes [God of Shepherds and Thieves, God of Road travelers, Orators and Wit, God of Poets and Invention, God of the Cunning of Thieves and Liars, God of Boundaries and of the Travelers who cross them], Alcor and Mizar, Romeo and his Juliet, Rimbaud and Verlaine, Doherty and Barat

These guys are my heroes:

Vitaliy

Thomas

I'd like to meet:


In general: I want to meet people who realize that even rules, over time, must tire of being followed. People who are okay with the idea of no separation between past, present, or future. People who are as comfortable with deep, intense conversations as they are with extended periods of silence in the presence of another. People who tend, at least, toward a compassionate diet and a pacifist lifestyle. People who are okay with the idea that looking at the moon is as valid a life experience as walking on it. Most of all, I want to meet people who would like to get together in person or who will actually communicate with me on here.

Copyright 2008 SMBpublishing

Specifically: I want to meet guys who know they're guys and are cool with that. Guys who have forged their own lives in their own style and don't need the moronic "gay lifestyle" in order to define themselves. Guys who live their lives outside of what passes these days for "queer culture" [an oxymoron, if ever there was one]. If you like biking and/or hiking, cooking together or just hanging out drawing, reading, writing, watching a river or a train pass by, going to see plays or an occasional movie, going to see a band or just staring at the stars, then you'll by no means be wasting your time barking up my tree. And if you happen to be an Irish lad, you'll definitely not be wasting mine.
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The great events of world history are, at bottom, profoundly unimportant. In the last analysis, the essential thing is the life of the individual. This alone makes history, here alone do the great transformations first take place, and the whole future, the whole history of the world, ultimately springs as a gigantic summation from these hidden sources in individuals. In our most private and most subjective lives we are not only the passive witnesses of our age, and its sufferers, but also its makers. We make our own epoch. - Carl Jung _________________________
Imagine a consciousness not limited by the conditions of sense-perception. Such a consciousness can rise above the plane on which we move; it can see far beyond the bounds of the circle illumined by our ordinary consciousness; it can see that not only does the line along which we move exist, but also all other lines perpendicular to it which we now cross, or have ever crossed before, or shall cross later. Rising above the plane this consciousness will be able to see the plane, make sure that it actually is a plane and not only a line. Then it will be able to see the past and the future lying side by side and existing simultaneously. - P.D. Ouspensky _________________________
It is not possible that this unity of knowledge, feeling and choice which you call your own should have sprung into being from nothingness at a given moment not so long ago; rather this knowledge, feeling and choice are essentially eternal and unchangeable and numerically one in all men, nay in all sensitive beings. But not in this sense -- that you are a part, a piece, of an eternal, infinite being, an aspect or modification of it, as in Spinoza’s pantheism. For we should have the same baffling question: which part, which aspect are you? What, objectively, differentiates it from the others? No, but inconceivable as it seems to ordinary reason, you -- and all other concious beings as such -- are all in all. Hence this life of yours which you are living is not merely a piece of the entire existence, but is in a certain sense the whole; only this whole is not so constituted that it can be surveyed in one single glance. - Erwin Schroedinger
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Joanna Newsom: "Dumbstruck with the sweetness of being."
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I break horses.
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Brian Eno and Harold Budd: Their Memories
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To Sir, With Love
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Big Love
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Copyright 2008 SMBpublishing

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No man really knows about other human beings. The best he can do is to suppose that they are like himself. - John Steinbeck
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I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars. - Walt Whitman
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The Crows

Lord, when the open field is cold,
When in the battered villages
The endless angelus dies -
Above the dark and drooping world
Let the empty skies disclose
Your dear, delightful crows.

Armada dark with harsh cries
Your nests are tossed by icy winds!
Along the banks of yellowed ponds,
On roads where crumbling crosses rise,
In cold and grey and mournful weather
Scatter, hover, dive together!

- Arthur Rimbaud -

Music:

I'm beyond fond of:
Castanets, Devendra Banhart, Joanna Newsom, Neutral Milk Hotel, Okkervil River, Phosphorescent, and Sufjan Stevens.

I also listen to: Akron/Family, Antony and the Johnsons, Archie Bronson Outfit, Augie March, Badly Drawn Boy, Bedhead, Beirut, Belle & Sebastian, Ben Weaver, Blackbird Raum, Brian Jonestown Massacre, Bright Eyes, Broken Social Scene, Built to Spill, Caleb Engstrom, Citadel, CocoRosie, The Decemberists, Dirty Three, Drive-by Truckers, Earlimart, Eels, Elliott Smith, Flaming Lips, f-bats (formerly, Frank Butcher and the Slags)

I want one of these!
Giant Sand, Grant Lee Buffalo, Grant Lee Phillips, Great Lake Swimmers, The Greenhornes, Hayden, Holy Ghost Revival, Holly Golightly, Horse Feathers, Husky Rescue, Iron and Wine, Jennyanykind, Jesse Sykes and The Sweet Hereafter, Jim White, Joe Pernice, John Vanderslice, Joseph Arthur, Laura Veirs, The Libertines

Pete Doherty
Loch Lomond, Long Fin Killie, Luna, Mad Season, Mark Lanegan, Menomena, Mercury Rev, The Mountain Goats, Musee Mechanique, M Ward, My Morning Jacket, Neko Case and Her Boyfriends, The New Year, Old Man Polka, Patrick Wolf, The Pernice Brothers, Portishead, Radical Face, Radiohead, Richmond Fontaine, Ryan Adams, 16 Horsepower, Scout Niblett, Scud Mountain Boys, The Sleepy Jackson, Smog, Spain, Sparklehorse, Talk Talk, The Thrills, Tiny Kings, The Transmissionary Six, Two Gallants, The Veils, Viva Voce, Wilco, Without Gravity

Movies:

Some favorites:
(Movies I've seen recently are listed in bold.)
A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, All the Real Girls, The American Astronaut, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward John Ford, Babel, Baraka, Before the Fall (Napola), Big Fish, Billy Elliott, Black White & Gray, The Borstal Boy, Brand Upon the Brain!, Breaking the Waves, Brothers of the Head, Bully, The Cement Garden, City of Lost Children, Class Trip, Criminal Lovers, Dandelion, The Darjeeling Limited, David Copperfield, Dead Man, Dear Wendy
Don't Look Back, Down By Law, Edward Scissorhands, Electric Edwardians, Elephant, Everything is Illuminated, Falkenburg Farewell, The Fall, Father and Son, Fogi is a Bastard, The Fountain, Garden State, George Washington, Gerry, The Great Water, The Guatemalan Handshake, Gummo, The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things, The History Boys, The Hottest State, The Hours, Howl's Moving Castle, I [heart] Huckabees, Imaginary Heroes, In Bruges, Juno, Kids, Last Days, Late August Early September, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Murmur of the Heart, Mutual Attraction, My Life as a Dog, My Life Without Me, My Own Private Idaho, Nicholas Nickelby
Northfork, Oliver Twist, Old Joy, Pan’s Labrynth, Paranoid Park, Perfume, The Return, Rory O'Shea Was Here, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, The Rules of Attraction, The Saddest Music in the World, The Science of Sleep, Snow Angels, Spring Summer Fall Winter ...and Spring, The Squid and the Whale, Tarnation, Tideland, The Tracey Fragments, Twin Falls Idaho, Twist, Undertow, The United States of Leland, A Very Long Engagement, Wild Tigers I Have Known, The Wind That Shakes the Barley, Withnail & I, You Can Count On Me, Zodiac
Harold & Maude

Television:

I haven't watched television since 1993 but, back in the day, my favorite shows were: The Many Loves of Doby Gillis, Northern Exposure

Books:

I'm currently re-reading:
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Contemporary Fiction:
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, At Swim, Two Boys by Jamie O'Neill, The Bitterweed Path by Thomas Hal Phillips, The Dissolution of Nicholas Dee and Landscape: Memory by Matthew Stadler, Ender's Game (Book 1) by Orson Scott Card, The History of Luminous Motion by Scott Bradfield, How Many Miles to Babylon? by Jennifer Johnston, The Abortion, In Watermelon Sugar and So the Wind Won't Blow It All Away by Richard Brautigan
Lawnboy by Paul Lisicky, Lighthousekeeping, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit and Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson, Margery Kempe by Robert Glück, Gun with Occasional Music and Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem, My Loose Thread by Dennis Cooper, Notable American Women by Ben Marcus, The Odd Sea by Frederick Reiken, The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Reader's Block, Springer's Progress, This Is Not a Novel, Vanishing Point and Wittgenstein's Mistress by David Markson, Remainder by Tom McCarthy, The Road by Cormac McCarthy, A Separate Peace by John Knowles, A Son Called Gabriel by Damian McNicholl, The Unusual Life of Tristan Smith by Peter Carey, Wigger by Lawrence Braithwaite, The Winter of Our Discontent by John Steinbeck
Nonfiction:
Art Objects by Jeanette Winterson, Beyond Coincidence by Martin Plimmer, The Book: On the Taboo Against Being Who You Are by Alan Watts, Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Zukav, Failure is Not an Option by Gene Kranz, Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid and I Am a Strange Loop by Douglas R. Hofstadter, I Am You by Daniel Kolak
The Last Innocent Year by Jon Margolis, Mount Analogue by Rene Daumal, Physics as Metaphor by Roger S. Jones, Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky, The Self-Aware Universe by Ahmet Goswami, The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Capra, Tertium Organum by P.D. Ouspensky, To Have or to Be? by Erich Fromm, Within the Context of No Context by George W.S. Trow, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig
Playwrights:
I am terribly fond of WET (The Washington Ensemble Theatre) and The Ilkhom Theatre Company of Tashkent, Uzbekistan.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Some of my favorite playwrights are: Edward Albee, Charles Mee, Joe Orton, Martin McDonagh, Nicholas Wright, Sam Shepard, Samuel Beckett, Tom Stoppard, Wallace Shawn, William Shakespeare
Beckett

Short fiction:
The southerners, mostly. Breece D'J Pancake, Carson McCullers, Flannery O'Connor, Truman Capote. I also am terribly fond of the short fiction of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Ben Okri. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dog by Dylan Thomas.
I highly recommend:
Nobody Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July
Poetry:
This is too numerous and diverse to list, though Arthur Rimbaud is the end all and the be all of it all!

Heroes:


Patti Smith
“I keep trying to figure out what it means to be an american. When I look in myself I see arabic, venus, nineteenth-century french but I can’t recognize what makes me american. I think about Robert Frank’s photographs - broke down jukeboxes in gallup, new mexico... swaying hips and spurs... ponytails and syphilitic cowpokes. I think about a red, white, and blue rag I wrap around my pillow. Maybe it’s nothing material maybe it’s just being free.
Freedom is a waterfall, is pacing linoleum until dawn, is the right to write the wrong words. And I done plenty of that...”
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Arthur Rimbaud
"I have stretched ropes from steeple to steeple, garlands from window to window, gold chains from star to star, and I dance."
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Daniel Kolak
Kolak is the originator of the philosophy known as Open Individualism, which he developed along with his view of metaphysical subjectivism and the nonlocality of consciousness, according to which there exists but one numerically identical individual subject who is everyone.
In his groundbreaking I Am You: the Metaphysical Foundations for Global Ethics (Springer 2004), he writes: "The central thesis of I Am You - that we are all the same person - is apt to strike many readers as obviously false or even absurd. How could you be me and Hitler and Gandhi and Jesus and Buddha and Greata Garbo and everybody else in the past, present and future? In this book I explain how this is possible. Moreover, I show that this is the best explanation of who we are for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it provides the metaphysical foundations for global ethics."
Variations on Kolak's heretical theme have been voiced periodically throughout the ages (the Upanishads, Averroes, Giordano Bruno, Josiah Royce); more recently, some of the world's greatest physicists, such as Erwin Schrodinger, Fred Hoyle, and Freeman Dyson have espoused it. Dyson, the legendary physicist who took over Einstein's office at the Princeton Institute of Advanced Study, has been sympathetic to Kolak's views since Kolak's physics days.
The book has been praised by luminaries such as W.V.O. Quine (Harvard), Johan van Benthem (Stanford), and Derek Parfit (All Souls College, Oxford). It offers "A full-contact philosophy for what may well be nothing less than the final showdown in our age-old Socratic battle against authority. Thinking that what matters is not what separates us but what we all have in common undermines all authority, even our own. It unmasks personal separatism as an illusion by which we dominate each other because we cannot dominate ourselves. The logic of identity forbids it."

My Blog

Autumn is so beautiful

Normally, I post a greeting at the outset of a new season on many of your pages. I didn't get a chance to do that this year but, as many of you know, I've been sending random text messages ("Autumn is...
Posted by Stephen on Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:50:00 PST

Im done w/Seattle

I'm done with Seattle. For good.P.S. Come visit me in Portland....
Posted by Stephen on Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:41:00 PST

Plastic Doesn’t Happen Overnight

For forty days or more I sat on that pillar. The dark of life coming in like pincushion tomatoes raining from the sky. It was electrical. To Tom it was no matter. The New York charge of it all was som...
Posted by Stephen on Tue, 09 Sep 2008 12:33:00 PST

It was horrible, so I quit!

Wow! I said it myself a thousand times before I moved down here: Finding work in Oregon is tough. But I didn't know just how tough it would be. I ended up taking a minimum wage job because my savings ...
Posted by Stephen on Wed, 27 Aug 2008 01:34:00 PST

Photography

I went through my images in iPhoto. I looked at 1200+ photographs and excerpted the ones I felt were worthy of saving. I'm still keeping most of the others but this process allows me to more easily we...
Posted by Stephen on Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:48:00 PST

The 4th and the 12th of July

My birthday is this coming Saturday, July 12th (twelfth is one of my favorite words, 7 letters, only one vowel). I always get a little more than excited about my birthday, though it usually ends up be...
Posted by Stephen on Tue, 08 Jul 2008 03:32:00 PST

Jacob wrestling angels by the sea...

Jackson (Father's father)English, Scottish, and northern Irish: patronymic from Jack. 1. As an American surname this has absorbed other patronymics beginning with J- in various European languages.Defi...
Posted by Stephen on Sat, 24 May 2008 05:46:00 PST

Mercury interactive...

Friday, May 16, 2008I opted to take my coffee at Palio, in that labyrinthine land of Ladd's Addition, this just afternoon. I'd popped my head into that other place, the closer one. There just wasn't a...
Posted by Stephen on Sat, 17 May 2008 01:13:00 PST

Synchronicity 1

I was reading The New Yorker tonight and came across this...Portishead has a new record coming out, called Third.It's their third studio album in 14 years. It was 14 fucking years ago that I walked t...
Posted by Stephen on Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:52:00 PST

Impending eternity...

Tuesday morning I went to the dentist. They've scheduled my surgery for next Monday, April 14th. Vitaliy is taking time off from school to drive me home that day.Tuesday evening I bussed out by myself...
Posted by Stephen on Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:15:00 PST