I was born, October 28, 1756, and raised on the planet Melmac. I was born to Bob and Flo Shumway. I was named after my grandmother, who could split a block of wood with her lips. I tried "stand-up" comedy, only to invent "sit-down" comedy saying, "It's not easy being funny on your feet." I invented many famous jokes. However, I left the world of comedy at the age of 193, to join the world of Melmac sports. I went back to my earlier roots, working with Bouilabaseball as a leg hugger. After nearly a century of that, I was called to be a Melmacian Orbit Guard, (A cross between our National Guard and Vienna Boy's Choir.) The Orbit Guard’s motto was, "Guard the Orbits....whether they need it or not." During my basic training, I learned to pilot a space patrol ship, fire a solar blaster, and burp in three different languages. At that time, I was in love with Rhonda. We both shared a mutual love for one another, but were both too shy too express it. (A lesson I would later point out to Lynn.) On my birthday, October 28, 1984 - I was eating in a diner, where my love Rhonda was waitressing. I was called away to man my battle station as an Orbit Guard. As I started up in my spaceship, Melmac exploded, hurling my spacecraft into orbit. I flew threw through space for a long time. Then one night, zigged when I should've zagged, being pulled by gravity into the earth's surface and crashing into the garage of the Tanner family in Los Angeles, California - U.S.A. - Planet Earth.The Tanner children, took fast hold of me, and renamed me ALF, (short for Alien Life Form) which I actually prefer to Gordon. Although I speak most of Earth's languages, many of my customs are unfamiliar and somewhat startling to Earthlings. However, the Tanner's took me in as part of their family where for almost five years; I lived in secret to the public, and to the Alien Task Force, hiding in the kitchen when someone would knock. Something I hated tremendously. Over the years - I caused all kinds of mischief with the Tanners, with only the best intentions in everything I did. However, the Melmacian way , just wasn't the American way....and when I found out that Skip (my best friend on Melmac,) and Rhonda had survived the explosion, bought a planet, and were planning on starting a "new Melmac," opportunity beckoned.I was taken by the Tanner family to an abandoned field, so I could be lifted up by Skip and Rhonda's spaceship. However, just as Skip and Rhonda were arriving, so did the Alien Task Force, (who had been tracking the spaceship.) Seeing they wouldn't have enough time to pick me up, they left me and I was taken into custody with the Alien Task Force. I quickly became very popular with the Alien Task Force. All but one fraudulent general and his aunteraige loved me. All I needed to do was figure out a way to prove that one general was a fraud, which over plotted time...I did.Now I am a general at the Alien Task Force, and living on the grounds. The Tanners live in Aukland, New Zealand....although now that I have been discovered, are thinking of relocating back to L.A. I, now 245 years old, joke, "I've got dandruff older than your country." Although I am single, I INSIST I am "still looking." Talks are under way for my very own talk show.
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